Codename Alignments Clash: Chapters 1 and 2

Hello there! It's been a long, long time since I've had anything to show here. I've been working on this story for a long time, though more specifically it's gonna be a trilogy and the second book is actually the one that's almost completely planned now. Its codename, Alignments Clash, is the name that it goes by in the forum where I came up with the idea, and though I intend to come up with a more dramatic name for the trilogy, nothing which suits it better has come to mind yet. ;)

Anyway, I've got two chapters (very short chapters, but I always write short chapters) to show you guys here! They're from the first book, subtitled "Origins of Power". (I'm pretty happy with that title so it's likely to stay through to the final version, but you never know.) They're pretty much early draft forms and I in fact plan to rewrite the first two chapters entirely to describe a different part of the story, but that aside! This gives you a taste of what I'm working with (though a very small taste, since there are much larger plans in store... 8) ). And Chapter 1 is also a rare occasion where you get to see me writing something happy! :shock:

Without further ado:

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Also, there is a map that I made of the world in which this takes place here. There have been a couple of changes since the map was made though. "RichtGard" has since dropped the "u" in its name. And I'm mulling over changing the name of the Halo army (and therefore their HQ, which is labeled on the map). You will notice it is referred to as "Paladin" rather than "Halo" in the two chapters above, one of the names I've been considering. I've been thinking about that mostly since "Halo" has become far too entrenched with Master Chief and his ilk. :P Any suggestions regarding another name for that army would be welcome. :D

Chapter 1 = EPIC!! XD Unfortunately I have to get off the comp now, but I'll elaborate more tomorrow. ;)

EXCELLENCE WOOT!

Chapter 1: Very nice start. My reaction to the end was "pedo" but thats just my idiotic head talking here.

Chapter 2: Nice action sequences. I can actually invision whats happening in the story. I am looking forward to more.

Heh, I've been working on the RP for this for quite some with Endless. I really enjoyed the opportunity to learn some background info like this.

Nice story, too :P

flash: Lol, glad you liked it! Teh epicness. :P It does get rather large scale later on. 8)

freek: Hehe, I had never even thought of that about the end of Chapter 1. :lol: I guess it's because I'm familiar with the characters from using them already, I'll have to make sure everyone's personalities come across as I work on the book. And I'm glad you thought Chapter 2 was well described. :D Thanks. I like it when my readers have a clear picture of what's going on.

Blade: Yeah, it delves into the personal aspect of the group of people whose association you are now aware of. Don't spoil it for everyone though. :P I'm glad you find the background info interesting, means the main thing attracts attention as well lol.

The girl saw a small hole in the wall, scrambling towards it and looking out.

Scrambled towards it and looked out?

Dred Nights

Or knights? XD

Nights I assume.

I want more, very good start to a story. Got my attention etc. but I'd say the punctuation could be tightened up a bit. Perhaps some semicolons? :D

I really enjoyed that -- I don't think I can really think of any obvious faults or errors really.

In particular, I liked th contrast of the two chapters which I guess will be the basis of a lot of the story.

Woopsie, I missed these comments when I went away and the topic fell past the first page! :oops:

Foolz: You're right, tense agreement indeed. And yeah, the Dred Nights' name is my little play on words. :P I've also seen several movie theaters listing a Batman movie called "The Dark Night". They missed the K. :lol: And I've been using semicolons more lately, so hopefully my punctuation is getting better as I go! :D

sandyqbg: Ah, where be the typos!? I will hunt them down with great vengeance! Lol. And yeah, the two chapters aren;t directly involved with one another, they're set very far apart, but all shall become clear in...Chapter 7. :lol: That seems a long way off.

MGN: Thanks. :D There are certainly a lot of differences between the areas in the world where this story is set, and the main characters' very differing backgrounds makes for some cool personality traits. (or at least I think so :lol: ) The story will be coming together after several chapters. (Chapter 7 will be the point where things become more clear, as I said above, but I plan to cut 3 of the chapters from 1-6 from the final piece)

All: Since this story is directly working on a subject matter I actually started on my forum, this book is being written as a bit of a prequel, so let me know if I'm not communicating how the world works properly, because I am finding it difficult to re-explain everything that is common knowledge in the major sections I've already written, which happen long after this part of the book.