lerfish's Poetry Thread

I post quite a lot of poems so i thought I'd keep 'em all together in one thread, They're listed oldest at the bottom, newest at the top :)

July 13

Regrets? We All Have Regrets.
A Change Of Scene: The Dignity Restaurant / The Paradox Bus


May 13

Babylon
River Meditation


March 13

Poem, first and foremost, in need of a name.


February 13

Thought Strands


September 12

Perilous Journeys


May 12

The Demon/Lost
Mine
Where The Path Lead
Misjudgement
What?


April 12

The Regrets Of A Heart Of Stone
The Joke Is On Me
The Rhythm


September 11

Billboards Of Britain


August 11

Hello Vain Film Race
Back In Transit
A Man Of Men
All As One

 
March 11

The Little Things


January 11

A World Unknown


December 10

Death And Everything Else
Dreams
This Journey
This Weight, It Must Be Satisfied
Paper And Pen
The Fool


September 10

The Poem
Things
Thursday 9th September 2010


August 10

News Ad: "DO YOU WANT A BETTER FUTURE?"
The Three
Travellin' Shoes


July 10

The End Is Nigh
Times Of The Old
The Question Of Your Defeat
Greed
The Beauty Of The Lonely
You - Part of the collection: "Carnage Filled Spud Sacks"
Blessing - Part of the collection: "Carnage Filled Spud Sacks"
Paintwork - Part of the collection: "Carnage Filled Spud Sacks"
The Corrupt Queen - Part of the collection: "Carnage Filled Spud Sacks"
The Duck


June 10

My Masterpiece
Alarms
Paradise
Right; Wrong; Right


May 10

The Distance Of My Eyes
Jars
A Blanket Of Green
On The Day
New Times


April 10

The Raindrops
Meg
Leaders


March 10

Delta, Delta, Kilo
Sins
Through The Looking Glass
Mess


February 10

Wet


January 10

Singing In The Airport
This
Morning
Crout
The Seeds - Part of the collection: "Cyclops"
Time
The Angels Descent
Symbols


December 09

The Origin Of The Box - Part of the collection: "Cyclops"
Return Of The Cyclops - Part of the collection: "Cyclops"
Caught In A Trap
The Architect
Whispers
Untitled - Limerick
Halos
The Inevitable Reality Of Fiction
The Prophets
When Cyclops Run The Town - Part of the collection: "Cyclops"
The Rainbow Runs Clear
Mad Man
I Love The Rain


Let me know if any of the links aren't working or anything :)

A solid collection of consistent and often great poetry.

Well done man, in the least patronising way possible.

A solid collection of consistent and often great poetry.

Well done man. 

gamegadge

 Thanks very much :)

Ohmygod! So much rhyming. :evil:

Which I think didn't always work. Didn't quite seem to flow, or communicate the tone of the poem exactly how it should've been from my perspective.

Anyway Sins is probably my favourite, though it also rhymes here and there!

I would comment further but my head is about to explode.

Ohmygod! So much rhyming. :evil:

Which I think didn't always work. Didn't quite seem to flow, or communicate the tone of the poem exactly how it should've been from my perspective.

Anyway Sins is probably my favourite, though it also rhymes here and there!

I would comment further but my head is about to explode.

Foolz3h

Haha, how come the rhyming made you angry? I agree it didn't really work  and i agree with you and zelda bout it distracting from the content so yeah.. wasn't my personal fav either.

Sins and mess are... meh in my opinion, so yeah, nothing special from this month so far imo but at least i'm still getting stuff out :)

Whoa, have I been absent for a long time!

This month's poetry was a bit watery for me, if you get what I mean. Nothing really packed too much of a punch; contrary to the others' opinions, I actually liked Through The Looking Glass the best. Sins was alright, but Mess' rhyme scheme didn't sit too well with me. It used to happen to me in my poems, too; I tried really hard to make things rhyme because I used to really like rhyme schemes, but after a while I just stopped because I realised that I was just wracking my brains for a word that would rhyme, but wouldn't really fit into the content of the poem. I think that sometimes, it's better to forgo the rhyme if you have a better word in mind that won't destroy the rhythm too much.

At any rate, keep those poems coming!

Whoa, have I been absent for a long time!

This month's poetry was a bit watery for me, if you get what I mean. Nothing really packed too much of a punch; contrary to the others' opinions, I actually liked Through The Looking Glass the best. Sins was alright, but Mess' rhyme scheme didn't sit too well with me. It used to happen to me in my poems, too; I tried really hard to make things rhyme because I used to really like rhyme schemes, but after a while I just stopped because I realised that I was just wracking my brains for a word that would rhyme, but wouldn't really fit into the content of the poem. I think that sometimes, it's better to forgo the rhyme if you have a better word in mind that won't destroy the rhythm too much.

At any rate, keep those poems coming!

helios_rietberg

Yeah i do know what you mean and i agree! The whole rhyming thing is the same with me, i used to hate it then i liked it and now i keep going back to it every now and again cos i feel my poems that don't rhyme deliver my messages as best i can but i'm looking to do that AND have it rhyme because obviously it would be more skillful and make a better poem.. prolly. But yeah, cheers

Delta, Delta, Kilo

Wrote this yesterday and wasn't sure about it at first but the more i read it the more it's growing on me haha. Got to the stage where i really quite like it now. Don't let that put you off saying you hate it though.. if you do.

Did the I-person commit suicide at the end?

I think I'll come back and read it again later before commenting, just to see if it grows on me as well.

Sounds more like he was murdered to me. But we're probably both wrong. :P Anywho...

"Right. I know, I've been there, it's
Bright but it's deceitful, it's a seat full"

Best part IMO. Perfect flow. Third stanza deserves special mention for its consistency, though. Doesn't quite reach the height of that awesomeness, though.

Anyway I liked the rhyming more than in the last batch, but it was still a bit too inconsistent for me.

Overall good stuff, though!

Sounds more like he was murdered to me. But we're probably both wrong. :P Anywho...

"Right. I know, I've been there, it's
Bright but it's deceitful, it's a seat full"

Best part IMO. Perfect flow. Third stanza deserves special mention for its consistency, though. Doesn't quite reach the height of that awesomeness, though.

Anyway I liked the rhyming more than in the last batch, but it was still a bit too inconsistent for me.

Overall good stuff, though!

Foolz3h

Thanks, i prolly like the 3rd stanza most too but overall i'm pretty proud, im happy wit the rhymes in this one, oh, and no he didn't die. the "death" is metaphorical :)

This is actually two poems i found on some scrap paper that i remember writing in the early hours of new years day so i've put them under January.

Symbols
The Angels Descent

[QUOTE="Foolz3h"]

Sounds more like he was murdered to me. But we're probably both wrong. :P Anywho...

"Right. I know, I've been there, it's
Bright but it's deceitful, it's a seat full"

Best part IMO. Perfect flow. Third stanza deserves special mention for its consistency, though. Doesn't quite reach the height of that awesomeness, though.

Anyway I liked the rhyming more than in the last batch, but it was still a bit too inconsistent for me.

Overall good stuff, though!

lerfish

Thanks, i prolly like the 3rd stanza most too but overall i'm pretty proud, im happy wit the rhymes in this one, oh, and no he didn't die. the "death" is metaphorical :)

Of course, but the question was whether he was metaphorically murdered, or metaphorically commited suicide. :P

neither lol cos metaphrically it wasnt him dying, it was more of a feeling inside of him dying.lerfish

Yes but (as far as the grammar goes anyway) it's his friends that killed it. :evil:

ie. the trees and the ledge etc.

Symbols and Descent.

I enjoyed Descent more, but both definitely had their moments; but the first 75% of the second stanza of the second peom was the most enjoyable for me. :P

Mouthfuls ftw!

Symbols and Descent.

I enjoyed Descent more, but both definitely had their moments; but the first 75% of the second stanza of the second peom was the most enjoyable for me. :P

Mouthfuls ftw!

Foolz3h

yeah, i prefer descent too. Thanks for reading and commenting :):)

Yeah, I too think they're both good, and Descent probably a little better.

By the way, I'm not sure The Angels Descent is grammatically correct. Shouldn't it be either "The Angels' Decent" or "The angels descend"?

Yeah, I too think they're both good, and Descent probably a little better.

By the way, I'm not sure The Angels Descent is grammatically correct. Shouldn't it be either "The Angels' Decent" or "The angels descend"?

waZelda

I'm not too sure...

It's only the third stanza where the rhyming gest sto me, other than that I liked it! :)

And as for the peom itself, I liked that too! :P Very flowing, and while a little less (seemingly) metaphorcial than most of your peoms, it still got he point across in a satisfyingly complex way.

Touching poem, which flowed awesomely with some well incorporated rhyme too.

 Nice work man, well done. 

Meg:

"If I should pass by
A beautiful river
Where the badger resides,
The rabbits run wild
And the deer pass on through
I should be peaceful,
At rest with your mind."

Not enitrely sure if that should be your, or my midn mind. Both make sense in a way!

Both:

Long story short; excellent work! Especially the first one IMO. Epic imagery, nice metaphor and so on!

Sorry about the comments. I'm feeling a bit cryptic. And itchy. It's probably more the itchiness that's the problem!

Thanks for the comments.

Yes it was supposed to be your.

I didn't realise they were that good tbh but i'm glad as they're kinda directed to my dog who saddly was put down last week.. didn't wanna mention that incase it effected your comments as at the end of the day their still poems so... but yeah, thanks, im glad :)

Meg: Ditto gamegadge

The Raindrops: I really like this. I find it interesting how the days when she didn't run away was "the sadder days".

Thanks =]

I find it interesting how the days when she didn't run away was "the sadder days". waZelda

Well i lived in the country side so i  guess i liked the idea that when she got out she could run free wherever she liked but she would always come back eventually =] i guess they were happier days for her...

The flow of the last stanza on New Times si epic! I definitely enjoyed the second half more than the first, but it was pretty good all the same!

On the day

Hmm not sure I liked the rhyme scheme on this too much. It seemed a tad distracting, but good work overall!

Argh! It's a couplet. Make it stop! AAHHH!

I'm not feelig very patient at the moment, so I gave up after six lines. Some times I might have pained myself through a rhyme sceme I don't like to try to comment on the content, but not today.

Great stuff. I actually thought you pulled off the rhyming exceptionally well. Great language too. Really liked it! :)Foolz3h

Thank you! i'm rather fond of this one also :)

Perhaps not as good as last.

Jars

Hmm structurally perhaps not as good as the last one, but boy does it have some awesome lines:

"Shadows on the wall flee like ants,
Where a dead man's shoes reside.
The door is painted vulgar violet,
The windows of highrise piss scented flats
Glare upon my face;
But I look up to nobody."

All of that which I've stuck together is just plain awesome IMO.

Quite a haunting poem. Very beautiful rhyming and structure. I especially liked the line. "Shouting with anger I drew on the floor, I stomped on my paints, I stomped on the floor", gave me shivers:P

I would however change "I slept at that moment never to awake," too "I slept at that moment never to wake," to make it more compatible in rhythm and rhyme. Very nice job.

why thank you heh heh...

I think i'll take you up on that suggestion :) cheers for the comment, much appreciated =]

Alarms
Paradise
Right; Wrong; Right

internet was broken for a few days so three new ones posted together.