The Fable Fables (Every Part)

I have finally been released from the Giant (...yeh) jaws of Fable. Being a child in fantasy worlds must be punishing, as you cannot enter buildings, and you're constantly having your intelligence insulted by traders (twaders). The only logical thing to do is resort to kickin' chickens, hitting traders, and kickin' chickens.

My first epic quest? Buy cheap chocolate (probably ground bear), and give it to this naive fighter's sister. His (cheap) father will give him ONE coin for every good thing he does. This epic quest DEMANDS I journey to the core of the town, kickin' chickens one by one, and discovering new ways of twisting misfortune. I received three coins from three different people, then made my way to the trader (twader). I gave him the coins, and he further insulted the naive one. I hit him a few times, and took the chocolate (ground bear?) to this "sister".

Dreams are just like reality, except they're completely different. But in this instance, a dream WAS reality. The bandits kicked in the door, waving the metaphor, struck down them all, killed them in (false) scores. It was (hilariously) painful seeing so many die for nothing except the bandits' advantage. The town was on fire, and there was no hope of escape, until...
*average scenes deleted*

In the Guild, I was. Training time, it was also. It was time to attack straw-men with a stick. You would think this would get me nowhere, but you're wrong! It got me to the next cut-scene. Out of nowhere, I grew older. I could finally get a real weapon. I had the chance to attack someone (with a deadly blade!). "The girl" was unbelievably pathetic at creating an effective defence, and I sliced straight though the failing strength... more than once! More training arrived. There was archery, and magic. I mastered both, to the (acted) surprise of the the Guildmaster.

When I made it out of the guild, I tried a few quests. They were EPIC quests, involving helping bandits, and killing wasps. I have a wasp head to prove it, not that anyone in the game cares. Already, I own a house, which means a husband is not far away... and I have a long beard.

Read this on your blog.

Still hilarious!

Unfortunately, that sums up the start of Fable fairly well. :P Gets much better after that though.

One thing that caught me when reading it was:

Training time, it was, also.kingkilla3

Don't think you need the second comma.

Short read, and a good one. But it may deter people from playing the aweome game that is Fable, so shame on you! :P :wink:

I haven't really got much education... from school.kingkilla3

That's actually a good thing.

Especially when it comes to grammar. ;)

Lol, true!

Good read btw.

As you might have guessed from the title, I've been into some dark massacres. Guards, traders, giant insects, and many other miscellaneous items have been the victims of my self-fulfilling wrath. I've discovered something better than kickin' chickens (no, impossible!), and that's kickin' heads. Decapitations are a common convenience to aid me in my dreams of playing soccer with the best of 'em, and as heads are rounder than chickens, this serves me well.

Albion(ian?) guards are very strong compared to my weak, video game counterpart. Even so, I am able to keep them on the ground with a dangerous flurry of flourishes. My encounters with this multitude of peacekeepers, has left me as a living movie reference. I shall now refer to the game-man, as "Scarface".

Next up on the quest-circle, is a quest where I escort two traders, and a balverine across a dark(wood) forest. Anyone who's played Fable knows how weak these traders are, especially the ones who don't sell you anything. I entered Darkwood Forest with high hopes, a high blade, and no clothes. The traders didn't notice (or did they?). On the way, I met a delightful man, dressed in traditional trader-clothes, a mustache, and blood. He seemed very nice... until he transformed into a balverine, and attacked me and my friendly aura (berserk red). Right after I killed a rock-man, too! I was tired, and he just tore into all foes. I finished him with the new cleaver I bought from the camp.

I made it out of the forest, traders alive and cheap. I was given a few rewards, mostly feathers... actually, ALL feathers. I then made my way into Oakvale (a past/future massacred town), then talked to the tra*deleted*. He went on about fame, sisters, and bandits. GLOWING TATTOOS!!!

No husband yet (I'm that lazy). No clothes on (I'm that cheap). No bow of any kind (really, that cheap). This is all going well for me. More soon...

It was the day when I was to finally depart "normal" Albion, and travel to the amazing "Camp Twinblade". I heard of how well they treat their guests, and it made me think that maybe I should get over there. Previous days, I was met with labyrinthine tales of blind sisters, friendly bandits, and the kind manager, Twinblade, as well. These tales, as I described, were rightfully labyrinthine. Twisting, turning, drifting, burning. It was off to the camp!

Few days distanced me from my visit to the illustrious camp, and my patience was dying on me. I needed to kill time. The best way to kill time, in my opinion, is by killing hobbes (pig-men). I beat "the girl". It wasn't hard.
Only one thing left to do. Get married. In past experiences with this game, I noticed the "school" teacher could easily be married, and that's who I chose to marry.

I had a new husband, new armour, new disinterest in getting a new weapon, and new ideas. It was time to sneak through the "dangerous parts" like a snake on a mission, and get to Camp Twinblade.
I was shocked to see the camp in such a fragile state. Twinblade and his blades met me with much less than exuberance. He demanded I feed his blades. So, I thought it my grand opportunity to feed the blades some homelessness.

Another massacre! I had defeated the bandits! My blade glistened with the blood of foes, and the ground glistened with their experience. The only truth to the camp tales, was the kindness of Twinblade. He was so weak, I assumed he let me win.
I was rewarded with a "bandit seal", and MORE experience. I returned to the Heroes' Guild. Maze (labyrinth) wanted to speak to me... ARENA!!! But first...

More soon... so keep "laughing out loud" at every trivial detail of life... until I make myself present... again.

4-5 p.m.
Tomorrow.
Your time.kingkilla3

Great

More coming soon.

How long should it be?kingkilla3

You tell me!

Part IV: I Can't Stand the Multiple Hits

Fighting and gambling (with money).

Fighting
Outcome 1: Lose your life.
Outcome 2: Live and gain more life.

Gambling
Outcome 1: Lose your money.
Outcome 2: Win and gain more money.

I came so close to not writing this. I became addicted to blackjack. I hope you know how to play blackjack, because I'm not going to explain. It's an easy addiction, but luckily I have the option to save (I cheat). I fell into blackjack to pay for the bright plate armour. The rarest armour in the game. If you miss it at the arena, then you've missed every part of it.

But before it was time for the arena, it was time to kill the WHITE BALVERINE. The very same white balverine that stalks taxidermy land (aka Knothole Glade). It was my mission to kill it, and what better to shatter it with, than an over-sized hammer? Nothin' is available for replacement. To really BUTCHER this thing, I had to implement some kind of augmentation with the power of... silver! Just like in movies, I was ready to kill... in the most predictable way possible... with a hammer.

It wasn't too hard. Even with the help of the vintage balverines, the white balverine didn't have a chance against me. I returned to taxidermy land, and with absolutely no surprise concealed in my mind, I received the balverine's head as a trophy. That was the end of that. It was time to head to the ARENA!
...and I decapitated someone with the hammer.

I was not prepared for the arena. Planning ahead was my first challenger. In the arena, there was a motley collection of insects, bandits, ZOMBIES, balverines (more white-furred ones!), rock-men, bigger rock-men, and pig-men. The "final" opponent was a collossal (enough) scorpion... thing. It was adept at summoning smaller scorpions, and it nearly led me to my demise. But I was not that weak. I rapidly demolished the scorpion (thing) with my hammer, and made it to the final opponent: "the girl".

Was this my only chance to do some real hero-work? It seemed to be. When the "play-fight" was over, I got into the REAL fight. In a fight like that, my best friend was the "berserk red" colour. It helped me to collect my praise as the winner. After receiving money and experience, I left the arena, and was told to go to the mysterious Grey House... to meet with Scarface's (I did it!) sister.

The worst part...

Part V: Night of the Grave-Robbed Dead

Part VI: Race Against Crime

The funeral dust vanished from sight. Thoughts of an early return to the Heroes Guild flooded the once-vacant space in my head, and I wavered in slight motion, moving with "it" (recovered time-beast). The pale gaze of outworn contrition, my life made apparent it's loss. Drifting onward through nothing to find something was now alright, and absolutely grand.

I tended to these unified commands. The Heroes Guild felt my presence. With forgotten men, I remained stable around the round table. Tasting the wonderful coffee was nothing new to my brain, but at the same time it shocked my wary body into active worth, once more. Challenging Albion... what may better that?

Who would've predicted the outcome? Dangerous chambers and tunnels, all leading me to a prison. I was unfairly held, though maybe it had something to do with the barrels I sliced open... or the (one-strike killed!) pet zombies I carelessly demolished. Bargate Prison was a great place for a family reunion. I re-met with one parent. No escape was allowed, Jack of Blades appeared. I was sent to a cell!

Waiting, waiting, race time! It was a race against crime, and I was victorious! This is where the real torture began. I was forced to listen to poetry. I found no escape... but my next victory meant I could finally escape. I had the key. The low intelligence of the guards let me release everyone, including the lone parent. I massacred the guards on my way out. I didn't know would come up next.

Nearing the end of this journey, I came across a large pool of water. Inside: Four-armed-underwater-insect-fish-monster-thing! It was so unbelievably weak... until it rose from the deep! It had learned a few things from Dragon Ball Z but that didn't help in keeping it's future health. Then the arm-things were back. Not so strong... and then the head again. It was a small challenge, but I murdered it (in self-defence) in the end. I made it out of the chambers and tunnels, and I was given more power and a tooth trophy.
After over a year in Bargate Prison, I finally returned to the Heroes Guild... again.

Part VII: Metal Blades Don't Need Hooks

And back to Darkwood forest. It's like an addiction.
I killed the balverines, and pig-men!
Maze's quarters: Quite deliciously meeting-place like. Was to meet with some man (the mother). Failed. Stole a book full of faux-intelligent writings.
Gateway Ta Hook Coast: Guild Reward... intrigue me in present-tense. Card apparent! Saving game. Down the stairs...
Shop: I love to buy and sell, but I don't love your prices! No sale! Stealing isn't an option. HALOS MADE OF HEARTS Pleasure to kill... with no penalty.
Teleportation: Big quest champion! Hook Coast delivered I am. Birds wearing clothes. Quest...
Hook Coast: I bring down the barrier after I conquer the Maze. Maze... EVIL! Battle to death. The way of the sledgehammer.. failing to hit. Break down the door! The murder's complete. Must stop Jack of Blades.

Some variation.

I'm too lazy to go to previous blogs so I'm glad you're posting them here as they're enjoying reads indeed!

No comma! HA!

I'll do the same thing with Half-Life 2.

Part VIII: The Last Part (With the Boring Name)

My journey shall lead me to Jack of Blades. It all started with the epic travel to the center of Oakvale. The sky had turned a vicious colour of some kind of orange, and it added to my hunger to find Jack of Blades! After finishing off an expensive orange (but there are no oranges in the game!) I teleported to the several focus sites.

Witchwood focus site: The zombies dawned again in the night! They aimed to have their day, and take their land! I fought them off without the help of the followers. They left health potions (bottles of suicide), and other MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS! (twader). I made it to the focus site, and Jack of Blades stood there. It had been activated.

Greatwood Lake focus site: The zombies were now joined by cheap ghosts. Too cheap and lazy to buy real ghost-suits. I don't use magic, which means I couldn't do enough damage do the gosts. I hurried to the focus site. Activated already...

Hobbe Cave focus site: The cave inhabited by pig-men (never visited by me) was the next place to be. The pig-men were gone! They must have been fired. I entered the focus chamber... but I was too late. Activated!

Gibbet Woods focus site: I'm starting to see nu-zombies (...?). I ran to Windmill Hill with nothing in mind. My light use of will still kills skills I now do find. I thought it was a nice time to do some fishing. I found a wedding ring! The nearest focus site had been activated, and Jack of Blades had kidnapped "the mother". I didn't get anywhere.

I returned to the Heroes Guild to see that the roof was on fire. It was starting to get hot in there, so I took off all my (not MY) clothes. I found the Guildmaster dying in the library. I had to kill! Time to fight Jack of Blades! I would've put on "Eye of the Tiger", but all I could find were the parodies "Eye of the Blind Tiger" and "Eye of the Meerkat". He made heavy use of cheater's techniques. This didn't stop me from crushing him. The battle was long(er than five seconds), and it left me scarred (or not...). I had beaten Jack of Blades.

AND...
I had a choice to make:
Kill "the sister" and keep the blade...
or
Throw the sword into the abyss...

I attempted to kill "the sister" with a different weapon, but in the end I threw it into the abyss (it was an accident).
So, my newly-created history... IS A LIE!!!

That is all, gangstas.

Good game!iloveflash

I hate that show!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmJbpgTBOBc