TWL's Short Story Competition: RESULTS!!!

The results are a tad late, but we hope that you're satisfied with our thoughts! Before you get them though I'd like to congratulate all that entered, the standard was very high, and it was very hard to pick and overall winner!

Great job all!

Whispers on the Wind

By EndlessGame

Fifth Place

Was the story engaging? Another story that doesn't really grab you and make you want to read more, but like a couple of other stories I think it actually got better the more I read it. The whimsical tone, and lyrical feel, really make it a pleasure to read again and again, and the subtleness of the tone helps with this too.

Originality: plot, voice and structure. The plot is certainly original, or at least an original take on an old cliché, and as pretty much every idea has been done, that's original in my mind! The voice too was original, though at times I think it stuck a little too closely to anime clichés to be truly unique.

Were the world and characters believable? And did the characters develop? While the world, and characters were believable overall, I didn't think that the way it unfolded was entirely convincing. It's an ironic thing—as this was part of the meaning—but it was just far too easy, and the lack of any struggle didn't help matters either! The main character's development wasn't entirely successful either. We were given titbits of information, and heard of his actions, but it didn't amount to anything in the end, and his demise was probably too early to resolve anything about him, or develop him further.

Was the voice original and strong?

The voice is certainly strong, though not at first, but after reading it a few times, it really caught me. I could hear the soft tune, I could feel the soft tune! Forgive the pun, but it really hit a chord with me. As I said earlier, it is original, though only to a certain extent. Of course moving away from the anime clichés could lessen its impact, so may not be beneficial overall.

Did the use of language and structure contribute to the story?

The language is probably the strongest of the bunch, there's few times were word choice destroys the feeling of a scene, and without a strong use of language the atmosphere, and sound of the melody, would simply not be as strong. However the structure is a bit weak. There's really not much too it, it's very simple, but simplicity is not necessarily needed here, and it ends far too abruptly without having really resolved everything.

Greet Death

By Stevenscott14

Fourth Place

Was the story engaging? Can I get a hell yeah? From the moment you read the fantastic opening line you've killed her you're hooked until he's holding his own gun to his head. On the first read this was definitely the most engaging, though after multiple readings it looses a lot of its impact, and as such the engagement drops drastically.

Originality: plot, voice and structure. Overall the concept of the story is not original, and neither is the way it unfolds. But cliché is not necessarily a bad thing, and with the incredibly original voice, the fact that the plot is rather cliché, does not detract from the experience. However it does hamper longevity. The cliché is not explored deeply enough, and as such after a couple of reads it comes across as a little shallow, and though the voice is original due to the smooth, seamless **** it loses a lot of impact after multiple reads.

Were the world and characters believable? And did the characters develop? The world is reasonably believable, though a couple of odd word choices help diminish that. But overall the world is not only believable but engaging, you feel how hostile it is—or at least how hostile he believes it is. The character himself was engaging to begin with, though the star of the show is clearly is conscience who owns every passage he is involved in, which is thankfully most of the story! However once again I didn't feel there was a whole lot more to the character after multiple reads.

Was the voice original and strong?

Ah, the voice. It's exhilarating, fast, and virtually flawless. Though, of course, there are flaws, but from memory there are only two major ones, and both are word choices that can be easily fixed. It could probably benefit from some tighter editing too, but this was probably the strongest voice of the entries, and one of the most original. Truly an exhilarating read.

Did the use of language and structure contribute to the story?

Though the ****is simple, and pretty much just gets us from point a to point b, it's carried of wonderfully, and if it was anymore complex it would lessen the impact on the first read. Of course, it's arguable that the same simpleness is detrimental after multiple reads, but I say it's worth it for the exhilaration of reading it once!

The same can be said for language too, it's subtle, but effective, simple, but powerful. The language of the voice in his head is worth mentioning I think. It's a simple device, but a hard one to pull off, and it requires subtly. The language used for it is subtle indeed, but pretty much flawless, and it fleshes out the structure too.

Siegfried

By MetalGear_Ninty

Third Place

Was the story engaging? Not as gripping some of the other entries, but it certainly doesn't fail to engage, and due to its thick ****it stays interesting read after read after read. In fact it's certainly one of the most consistently engaging entries.

Originality: plot, voice and structure. The plot itself isn't incredibly original, but it's got a few twists to it and is quite an interesting concept. What is incredibly original though is the voice. In fact, I'd say it's quite ambitious too. With its heavy use of simile and symbolism it can be heavy reading, and though some of the descriptions fall a bit flat, or go on for a touch too long, it's certainly a very distinct and refreshing voice.

Were the world and characters believable? And did the characters develop? The world is certainly believable, though perhaps it should've garnered a little more attention, as it feels a little shallow as it is. There's really only one character, the protagonist, and he's certainly believable, though once again he could be a bit more fleshed out. However his development is very interesting, he starts out as a well loved hero, but when he does what is expected of him he is a man who lacks meaning in his life. The development is very well done, if not a little too abrupt.

Was the voice original and strong?

The voice is probably not the strongest, but it's certainly the most original. The humble simile is something I personally love, but it's a rare beast that is often butchered by authors. Here, sometimes they fall a little flat, but the rest of the time they're spot on, and it's wonderful to see. Perhaps with some tighter editing the voice would be much stronger, but as it is, it's incredibly original, but a little rough. Polish that diamond!

Did the use of language and structure contribute to the story?

The language is a bit hit and miss, sometimes the word choice is impeccable and powerful, and other times it ruins the feeling of the scene that the voice has worked so hard to set up. The structure itself is solid to begin with, but the story ends far too abruptly. I believe you were suffering from writer's block towards the end so you had to end it, and that's a pity. But overall the structure is good enough to convey the story successfully.

The Revenge of Schnteider

By theeman2000

Second Place

Was the story engaging? Like Greet Death, the first read was incredibly engaging. The mix of physical comedy, and pop culture references is incredibly funny first time around. I grinned many times, and that doesn't sound like high praise, but it's very hard to get me even to smile when reading fiction! Definitely one of the funniest things I've read on TWL, let alone this comp! But the craziness looses a bit of humour on multiple reads, due to the surprise being lost.

Originality: plot, voice and structure. Out of context by far the most original story here! However this crazy sort of comedy has been well established since Monty Python. Don't get me wrong though, this particular blend of pop-culture references was far from unoriginal! And let's be honest, who the **** doesn't hate Dora the Explora?The voice as well I would call original, it's rare to see physical comedy carried off successfully, especially with such an almost stop start **** Plus, the powerful opening moving suddenly to Dora deporting Schneider is a stroke of absolute genius!

Were the world and characters believable? And did the characters develop? Theeman2000 definitely deserves a lot of credit for making his story believable. It's harder than you might think to make such a crazy story convincing, but there's no denying he does it here. Hell, the characters themselves are believable. Though Dora swearing is a little less unbelievable than you might think! ;) There wasn't a whole lot of character development, though there usually isn't in this ****of comedy so it's hard to criticise it for that. Hell, the main character develops somewhat, from his determination at the beginning of the story, to the willingness to accept his fate at the end.

Was the voice original and strong?

The voice isn't particularly strong, but that's definitely a good thing. It puts the focus on the physical elements of the story, and it certainly adds to the story. It's quite original too, often in physical comedies a writer will not go for a minimalist approach, they will try to describe too much, and Theeman2000 certainly doesn't do that here.

Did the use of language and structure contribute to the story?

The structure contributes to the story immensely, at least on the first read. Starting the story with such an intro, only to have it so rudely interrupted by Dora, is as I said earlier, is a stroke of genius. And then ending the story on a similarly serious note would have rounded things off nicely, had it not been a bit too abrupt. In fact overall the biggest criticism of the structure would be the pacing. The stop start pace of it was fantastic, however at times things were a bit too abrupt, or went on for a little too long. The language was pretty good overall, but due to the minimal ****there's not much to say about it.

My worst Enemy

By Freek666

First place

Was the story engaging? The story isn't entirely gripping to begin with, in fact I think on the first read it was probably the least engaging of the lot. But as you re-read it and delve deeper there's real depth to it, and the story engages you no matter how many times it is read.

Originality: plot, voice and structure. Though it's an idea heard of before, the use of the metaphor is quite original, and in general carried of successfully. The same can be said for the voice, though there were a few problems with it that we'll get into later. What was very original, and gave the story a remarkable feel, was the composition. It's nicely structured, and flows very smoothly. The transition from reality to his head is nicely done too, though at times it can feel a little gratuitous. Overall though you can't describe the composition as anything but original.

Were the world and characters believable? And did the characters develop? Overall the characters are definitely believable, in fact I'm sure we can all relate to them in some way. The characters develop too, though the result is a little abrupt, the struggle is a deep one. However there are a few things that hinder believability, apart from a couple of problems with the voice, there are times where the story really does feel gratuitous. The fight, for example, seems to go on for a little too long, and although I can enjoy the metaphor, I think it would have benefited from a little more subtlety.

Was the voice original and strong?

The voice is certainly strong and confident. But tense issues and other grammatical errors hamper the flow somewhat, which stop it from being fully appreciated, and they certainly stand out due to the otherwise smooth feel of it. Not only that but there's some major word choice problems that hamper the setting and interfere with atmosphere. The voice is definitely in need of polish, and I know that sounded quite harsh, but overall it was reasonably strong, and the confidence of the writing was certainly powerful in itself.

Did the use of language and structure contribute to the story?

The structure and composition is where this story really stands out. Part 1 sets the scene very successfully thorough dialogue, and then part two delves deeper into the themes of the story, moving away from the dialogue and instead telling the narrative through description. It could be made a little more concise in areas, but overall the transition is seamless. Then we have part 3, the finale. Everything is unravelled through a large helping of dialogue, symbolism, description, and monologue. Finally the story is ended on a very clever note, and when you first read it you can't help but grin. It's a powerful ending indeed.

- Foolz3h

Whispers on the Wind

By EndlessGame

Fifth Place

My worst Enemy

By Freek666

Fourth place

Greet Death

By Stevenscott14

Third Place

Siegfried

By MetalGear_Ninty

Second Place

Was the story engaging? As the story started out, not really. But by the end I was curious to see what was going to occur next, and I think the entire story, from start to finish, was well written enough that I wanted to finish it just to read the st.yle you decided to use.

Originality: plot, voice and structure. The story wasn't necessarily original. It's not like there's never been a knight in shining armor defeating the dreaded monster, but it was not a bad thing at all, simply a retelling of a traditional set up. The voice was arguably the most unique part of it all. You told the story thickly and slowly like a ballad of old, and while it made it difficult to chew, it was so well done I don't even mind. It's easy for people to write fancy and archaic like that, but to keep it up without a hitch for the entire length of the story was no easy feat. The structure was fairly simple, it simply told a knight's quest from start to finish. Nothing wrong there.

Were the world and characters believable? And did the characters develop? The world and characters were believable, it painted a brief but effective picture of the situation with a town and a monster, and the monster's perfect good side counterpart. The knight actually did develop, as he went from valiant evil exterminator to lonely sadist with nothing left to kill. OK...maybe that was a bit extreme, but you get the idea :P

Was the voice original and strong? Uh, yes? Again, as a paraphrase of my above statement, it was slow and at times tough to chew, but so well done and brilliant, not to mention fitting.

Did the use of language and structure contribute to the story? Sigh, why do I feel like I need to paraphrase the voice again? Yes, the language was practically flawless, even the slaying of a giant monster seemed to be overflowing with olde tyme writings. The structure, as I already mentioned, didn't necessarily accomplish anything, but it didn't detract from the story, as it was a fairly simple tale of setting off to kill a beast.

Closing remarks: It was marvelously well told and uncommonly consistent in its telling, and if nothing else was reason enough to read it.

The Revenge of Schneider

By theeman2000

First Place

Was the story engaging? In a matter of speaking. I definitely wanted to find out where it was going and how it was going to get there, but it wasn't ridiculously compelling.

Originality: plot, voice and structure. The plot? Original? Non sense! :P (Joke.) The plot was obviously the biggest part of this story, pitting a random kid against the likes of Spongebob, Dora the Explora, and security guards, of course. The voice was hilarious, creating the evil alternate personalities of the world's biggest animated kid's stars. It was also entertaining as it explained the events taking place, and couldn't have possibly made Nickelodeon's idols seem more crude. Or hilarious.

Were the world and characters believable? And did the characters develop? Aside from "Dude, they're cartoon characters," yes, it was a believable ensemble of assorted fictional characters. Even the fact that NONE of them acted how they do in their shows didn't bother me at all because of how well you executed the dialogue, etc. The characters developed a fair amount, but it was not the highlight of the story, nor should it have been.

Was the voice original and strong? The voice was effective in stitching together events that are individually ludicrous and insane, not to mention effectively tying together random references a la Family Guy clips. It was strong but not the focus of the story. The real focus was the zany, whacky situations and people getting mugged, shot, and interrogated.

Closing remarks: One crazy tale of worlds colliding, wrapped together with funny dialogue, weird references spliced in, and very well told events.

- Irmeleeman5995

1. Is the story engaging?

2. Originality: is the plot, voice or structure original?

3. Is the world believable within the context of the world. (In theory a talking muffin would be unbelievable, but in a certain story it could be believable).

4. Are the characters believable and engaging, and is the character development successful?

5. Is the voice original and/or strong?

6. How well does the use of structure and language contribute to the story

Siegfried:

1. Relatively engaging, although hard to get through because it's rather confusing. However, it does have the most interesting ending of all the stories.

2. Plot: in truth, not much of a plot; just lots of descriptions, and then a fight scene; descriptions shouldn't be the obvious focus in a short story.

3. Believable, very… Oblivion-like (? I've never actually played Oblivion) at any rate, a fantasy-based RPG

4. Character: well, the character himself isn't very clearly introduced (I'm confused by the boy and the man; in the beginning there seems to be three people, but in the end there's only one; I presume that the boy grew up to be Siegfried, but I still don't know who that wondrous adventurer is, nor do I know who the pale blue eyes belong to), but there is some description about his build (muscular, suit of iron (?) golden hair…)

5. Structure: not very well structured; hard for the reader to follow

6. Language: good vocabulary, but grammar needs work. Many fragmented sentences, errors in punctuation and spelling errors

In general, the story would make a very good action script. Action-wise, it's gripping, keeping the readers on their toes. However, the errors harrows the reading experience, as merely comprehending the message that the author is attempting to get across is difficult. Descriptions are plentiful, but in the context of the competition, they are not efficiently used. If the grammar and punctuation is fixed, then the story could become a very good tale. Somehow, it feels more like it was written for an action flick or a video game cutscene.

Whispers on the Wind:

1. Engaging, quite original, though unrealistic in some places.

2. Plot: original, mostly because it's modern (commanding melody in a phone?), although the ending is rather cliché

Structure: well-structured, clear paragraphing used, though single-lined paragraphs could be used more efficiently; the change of scenes are done well, though perhaps a change in font would make it less abrupt

3. Believable, modern… (what else can I say?)

4. Character: quite well done, subtle hints given at the type of person he is (apathetic, if rather cold-hearted); believable as a real person (lots of strange people in this world…)

5. Voice: consistent voice, well-used, easy on the reader

6. Structure: clear, though could be a little more succinct in places

Language: simple but efficient language; few errors; story was obviously proof-read

This wins language-wise. The darkness of the story doesn't really set in until the later parts, so it isn't as heavy on the reader. It's relatively original in the context, but nothing mind-blowing. The language used is suitable, simple and efficient, but very informal in places. The story isn't convincing, but it's sufficient for an easy read. Structure used is clear, doesn't get in the way of reading, and is consistent. Fix up the story a little, extend it a little bit (the ending seems too abrupt) and the overall reading experience will improve.

My Worst Enemy:

1. Engaging, sometimes cliché, but overall interesting

2. Plot: original, considering its context; bantering sometimes get a little too dull and unoriginal; fighting scenes are well enacted; ending is great

Structure: good, though shorter paragraphs could be used to give more of an impact to the reader

3. Very believable.

4. Character: quite well done, though I don't personally think that people with split personalities speak so obviously to their two different sides; character description is given mostly through dialogue, though there is some given during the fight scenes; sufficient for a short story

5. Voice: consistent, a wise choice as the story takes place in the main character's head

6. Structure: relatively clear, though paragraphs in each section could be used more efficiently

Language: suitable vocabulary, grammar is overall quite good; punctuation is rather off in dialogue, though it could be because the writer wants to relate the tone

The surface effect given to the reader is pleasing. The character is convincing, the setting even more so, and the voice used is suitable. However, the internal bantering gets rather dull in places; some sentences could simply be edited out, as they don't contribute positively to the reading experience. The language use is suitable, though not as efficient as it could be. Strange punctuation is difficult to dismiss during dialogue, but contributes to the character development – as in, speech-wise. Cut away some redundant dialogue, change the structure a little - too much dialogue is tiring on the reader – and the story will be very successful.

Greet Death

1. Engaging, slightly cliché, but acceptable because of the original mood set by the author

2. Plot: original in that the second voice in the main character's head is there; scenario itself is relatively common

Structure: good structure, few redundant sentences (meaning, very concise), easy on the reader

3. Totally believable.

4. Character: very well done, subtleties are superb; character description is given mostly through action rather than description, a very original twist

5. Voice: well-executed, efficient.

6. Structure: a good structure, though short paragraphs could be used more efficiently in places

Language: suitable language; punctuation could be fixed in some places, especially in the dialogue, though the errors might be intentional

The mood is set very well here. The character is believable, the story is also believable, and is quite relevant to current affairs. There are no glaring errors throughout; the structure is very good, but the punctuation could be refined in places. The dialogue between the main character and his alter ego could be changed slightly to become less clear to the main character at times, to reflect his confusion.

The Revenge of Schneider

1. Relatively engaging, very original, though rather absurd (!) and confusing in places

2. Plot: very original; like a gruesome children's show

Structure: good; more adventurous paragraphing could be used next time

3. Believable in the context, but still rather unbelievable… starts out quite seriously, then goes very absurd, and then returns to a serious tone in the last paragraph.

4. Character: not much character development is given besides the fact that Ian is very strange, Bart and Jack aren't far off on the insanity scale, and the rest, well… just absurd.

5. Voice: mediocre; third-person would have been a better choice, considering there are no deep musings in Ian's mind.

6. Structure: textbook structure; nothing wrong, but nothing very outstanding either.

Language: foul… whoops, did I say that? Efficient vocabulary, no errors in grammar; punctuation could be done up a little better in places – again, in dialogue – but the type of language used (slang and such) is suitable for the story

5. Siegfried

4. My Worst Enemy

3. –

2. The Revenge of Schneider, Whispers on the Wind

1. Greet Death

- Helios_Rietberg

And the winners are...

Third Place:

My Worst Enemy by Freek666

Second Place:

Greet Death by Stevenscott14

And the winner is:

The Revenge of Schneider by theeman2000!

Congratulations to our top 3, and especially to theeman2000! You can now wear this with pride:

Once again thanks to all who entered! It was a joy to read your stories. :)

It's hardly may 2008! :p

Oh, and congradulations to everyone who entered. And the winners.

And those who didnt enter!

First the worst, second the best, third one with the hairy chest :P

Hated that rhyme, especially when I came first and my arch nemesis' (there was/is more than one) came second.

Anyway, cool beans. Took a while though :P

Indeed, you all did great! Big yay for all!

YAAAAAY! :D

Whose Helios_Rietberg anyway, I haven't seen him around here?

I'm sorry, but I could hardly see anything wrong with my punctuation or grammar.

EDIT: Whatever, I supposse he has his oen opinion.

Whose Helios_Rietberg anyway, I haven't seen him around here?

I'm sorry, but I could hardly see anything wrong with my punctuation or grammar.

EDIT: Whatever, I supposse he has his oen opinion.

MetalGear_Ninty

I don't either...

I'm sorry, I just happened to see lots. helios_rietberg

...What??

My head hurting.