Though this semester will be over soon, I've been writing more poems and posting a few of them to my Facebook. Since I like to get some feedback here, I'll be posting (some of) my works under this thread. Hopefully they aren't bad.
Though this semester will be over soon, I've been writing more poems and posting a few of them to my Facebook. Since I like to get some feedback here, I'll be posting (some of) my works under this thread. Hopefully they aren't bad.
Premonition
-
For so long I've tasted
your toxic breath, bred
of despair before mourning.
-
Your touch; fingernails and
naked body. So cold, now foreign
under my air-caressed skin.
-
All light is dead until I close
my eyes. Every vision a struggle.
You fade among statues of smoke and fog.
-
Mother earth hasn't been fed
the black tombstone I still see.
"Literal" Version
For so long I tasted
*name*'s breath, now toxic,
bred of deep despair
till and past her mourning.
-
Her touch, binding me with
fingernails and a naked body.
This feeling remains, yet withers
by the cold air caressing my skin.
-
All light is dead until I close my eyes
and lie under thin, empty bed sheets.
Each fragmented vision builds this long
struggle, leaving my sanity all but numb.
-
She fades to statues of smoke and fog
as I see her ghostly figure before
the black tombstone. Mother earth
has yet to let these blow with the wind.
Bright as Stars
-
The sky is full of breath and short to none.
When ready, light will shine to leave you blind,
whether under fields of stars, or bright sun.
Overhead you won't know past your own mind.
-
The day would be pride for a boy of song
in hope to woo the heart of dear young lass
whose skin is soft as blue, with clouds all gone.
Then hand would be taken in short green grass.
-
Yet paths are never clear as day's night comes
to take the lad's long hope without refrain.
Untold her answer may be to full lungs
as gray shades don't say when they'll stop the rain.
-
"My own you are" he holds in speech and thought
to sing with might of journey found and caught.
One
-
I convert to none but my own breed,
for all others are lawless invaders.
Bloodlines are strong in their purity
so they can let no importation lead
yet such export to unsuspecting traders.
-
Built through individual power,
one's statue is of a single stone
in material that won't crack
even to age's withering sour,
only to voices of the outward tone.
-
Your whole mass of inherent cells
might speak through coarse tongue
that your own singularity is alone.
Yet, aside, remember another tells,
"who else's verse can match what you've sung?"
I submitted Premonition in for class workshop in my class and our professor is a very strict literal reader (essentially, if it doesn't have a concise, literal interpretation with strong imagery he doesn't like it), so I just tried writing a more literal version of it, edited under the original version. Tell me what you think.
Siblings
There was my car, used but bought fresh.
A Pontiac Grand Prix, what bliss it was to see.
To press the gas sent adrenaline through my flesh
and fueled my longing to swerve and zip like a bee.
-
Now she falls apart, piece by piece, not but 2 years since.
Every week a tire check, pulsation hammers into the brakes,
ABS and traction control, sometimes the alert box whines mid-park,
wiper blades, wiper fluid, hood paint peeling, front bumper scraping,
dashboard squeaking, cracking, breaking, falling apart as once-shiny rims
build and collect from every inch travelled, whores for every customer.
-
There have been my computers, purchased without touch nor dust.
HP's and Gateways and Macs, they all would shine bright.
Cool to the touch and viewer, fast and quick by the processor.
Nothing would intrude internet hunts for those first few months.
-
But by then, by now they don't take long to falter
Bit by bit they slow down, quick to show their faults,
trivial when individual, head-drilling in enumeration.
Browser fail, no internet detected, touchpad's wrong movement,
wrong click. Slow shutdown, hungover start-ups, no key registers,
application won't close, program aborted shutdown. Yes, send
my error message, but don't return advisement unless begging my card.
-
They are precious and impractical, my cars and computers.
Ready to send me beyond even Everest's peak when I take
my first seat. Yet bliss is never eternal, as with life expectancy
of these collaborations of inanimate objects.
This piece is what happens after listening to Overkill too much (the primary culprit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyJVM-IB5-o). So when reading this, imagine their vocalist (Blitz) singing it.
Off the Streets
Walking up the streets
Bitter from the cold
Thinkin' of the family feast.
Comin' up to you
Slider on the road
Jaw dropped with nothing to chew.
Look at you ya cat
So you're hot I'm told
I'm ready at home with the bat.
Peek on down your blouse
Jittery like a mouse
Slap, tap, I'll give ya a pounce.
B*tch I seen it all before
Go put it on the floor
Come on back I'll throw you some more.
Rides in bed I take
Slither up me like a snake
Top me off before its too late.
So f**k 'em at ya job
And light it at club
Then crawl to me in my tub.
Dedicated to all the love bugs swarming our cars:
Love Bug Locust
-
Dry, disgusting bugs of summer days
who decorate our cars; whether new or old,
dirty or shiny, black or white, diesel or hybrid.
-
Their attire is black in small fit.
Small, but not petite. And with a dip
of red, orange or yellow at the tip
they dress like a lizard's Sunday dessert.
-
Sometimes they conjoin as if twins
with symmetrical bodies, but share a head
loose as a meat factory thrust in a blender.
-
Front ends--bumper and windshield
--covered as if a spider's web. Ravaged
and cluttered by the prey arachnids seek
to supplant, preserve and suck.
-
Over rushing highways they invade
each vessel. North, west, east, south;
all at once. Is it silly suicide
or simple stupidity? Dead, dirty
and severed carcasses don't tell.
Neither does the vehicle who plays host.
A work in-progress. I want to add more and do something different with the form on this one. No title for it (yet).
-
My eyes paint a youngling confined, by the plants he's dried of and by,
more than summer's peak heat. Cold, metal bars shut and surround him
only to reaffirm, he is the hare encaged in adolescence, by a field too open
for foreign flowers to be freely grazed. Their scents caressing his nostrils, burning
his throat, numbing his brain, breezing his nerves away...
-
Where can his sprinting spirit splash? If thrust into confines imprinted
not by dry, decaying roaches or the thick of wet worm's waste, yet by hunters of the thick.
They come adorned by the color of nighttime's swamp, color barely relished in its tone by simultaneous
carpenters; searching a sparse jungle for ignorant rodents with no claws, nor claim, nor call for answer.
My eyes paint a youngling confined, by the plants he's dried of and by,
more than summer's peak heat. Cold, metal bars shut and surround him
only to reaffirm, he is the hare encaged in adolescence, by a field too open
for foreign flowers to be freely grazed. Their scents caressing his nostrils, burning
his throat, numbing his brain, breezing his nerves away...
-
Where can his sprinting spirit splash? If thrust into confines imprinted
not by dry, decaying roaches or the thick of wet worm's waste, yet by hunters of the thick.
They come adorned by the color of nighttime's swamp, color barely relished in its tone by simultaneous
carpenters; searching a sparse jungle for ignorant rodents with no claws, nor claim, nor call for answer.
XENOmorph00010
I love it! It flows great, and it leaves a lasting impression on the reader (at least it did on me). I absolutely love your wiritng style :)
Why do I walk?
-
Is it to taste the Earth
in her air, or to let the breeze
chill my body's secreted splurging of
sweat? Could it be my young yet
wearing body's vague longings, for mild
activity, or does the same grass I visit each day
slowly tan and bleach with my skin? Would seeing
a new sky each morning, day, evening and night be my answer?
Am I so desperate to see something, someone different I'll open myself with the door?
Could my thirst for spontaneous ideas with no journal but my memory be what I long?
Perhaps it's the descent, the fall of hindsight and reminiscing giving way to the grains of salt
taken for granted until truly falling on your head like buzzing bugs bum-rushing your ears; or
maybe I'm just insane. But who loves the same train of daily monotony?
Please Log In to post.
Log in to comment