Here for my Evaluation

I posted a comment to your blog directly.

I've decided to post my comments directly here so that we can all take part in the discussion while filtering those types of nonconstructive comments I'm seeing in your blog.

First of all, I really enjoy how you tried to get inside King Washington's mindset. I like how he would bring up an issue that challenges his abilities then dismisses it when his big ego takes over, like when you write, "This native's eyes seem to peer into my soul like a wild wolf and he was built like one as well, but it doesn't matter. The fool actually thought he could harm me, his arrows bounced off me like rain, but he was quick on his feet I must say. I laughed as he went in to hit me only to fly back and land on the ground."

I appreciate how you teased the reader by not explicitly stating what was going on, as King Washington did not yet know, either. It brought a bit of suspense and tension to the story. i would have liked to see a little more description of the reports from soldiers to tease us a bit more, though!

Otherwise, there were a few awkward phrases that could be mulled over and edited. At some poins when you use the pronoun "they", it's a bit awkward and doesn't really identify to what you are referring. An example of how I would edit one of these instances a little is:

from

Never would have figured she was from this small village, the bodies are piling up and they run like frightened cattle before me. At least most of them know better, the rest seem to run to their death trying to stop me. 

to

Never would have figured she was from this small village, the bodies are piling up while those who know better run like frightened cattle before me; the rest seem to run to their death trying to stop me.

I've also added a little interest to the sentence by rephrasing it a bit and using a semicolon.

Also, you use the phrase, "doesn't matter" a few times in a row, and that's tricky to pull off without sounding too redundant. If you do that, it needs to be sort of a focus and style of the piece. I'd suggest using various phrases, like, "Alas, that is of no consequence." 

While there were a few spelling and grammatical issues, I understand the GameSpot spell check is not very efficient. I suggest writing first in Word or another program with a better checker, then pasting it into your blog. Otherwise, I would really like to see you try to use some more interesting punctuation, I think it could bring a lot to your writing! 

Overall, I enjoy the picture you painted of King Washington's mindset, it was an interesting read! I do hope you keep it up and that we get to see more from you.

Zyxe already covered most of it, so the only thing I'd recommend is cutting back on the exclamation points. One is all you need. Any case where you're multiplying them can be substituted by italicizing, emboldening, or spelling the necessary words in all-caps. All those methods are used to create emphasis and work well when a single exclamation point isn't enough.

While there were a few spelling and grammatical issues, I understand the GameSpot spell check is not very efficient. I suggest writing first in Word or another program with a better checker, then pasting it into your blog. Otherwise, I would really like to see you try to use some more interesting punctuation, I think it could bring a lot to your writing! zyxe

Don't rely to heavily on Word for grammatical errors. It only catches the most basic problems. (Its versus it's, for instance.)