Killzone is your typical Sci-fi FPS series, nowadays the 2nd and 3rd game in the franchise are very popular on the PS3. This is a comma splice, meaning, the comma splits two independent sentences. The first part of your sentence doesn't really relate to the second part, or rather, isn't vitally connected. Is a game series where the 2nd and 3rd games are popular a sci-ft FPS? Nope. But that's how the sentence reads. Regardless, the sentence isn't very strong and when you're writing articles, especially reviews, you want to come out the gates swinging. Prove with your first sentence that your review is superior and worth the time to read.
Killzone is set during a Helghast invasion on earth. Helghast are basically the main baddies of the franchise. This isn't bad, but I'd try to explain what a Helghast is in generic terms before dropping it into a sentence. Are Helghast aliens? I don't know, I haven't played the game, but use a word that everyone understands and consider rewriting it like: Killzone is set during an alien invasion of earth where the invaders, or Helghast, blah blah blah.
They wear their signature helmet which makes their eyes glow red. This isn't entirely irrelevant, but could be used to dramatize the review. Good writing consists of showing and not telling and right now you're telling us what they look like verse saying something like: With eyes blazing red from their signature helmets, the Helghast wreak havoc across the globe as the ISA scrambles to defend humanity. Make it entertaining and not just a page of facts and statements.
Killzone takes itself very seriously and that's one of the things that I personally dislike about it. Ok, take this how you want to...but only amateur reviewers use I and me in their reviews. If you're writing for friends, or not expecting anything to come from your reviews, then this doesn't matter and you can carry on how you'd like. However, if you're trying to take your review writing to the next level, you'll have to drop the first person commentary as soon as possible.
- The setting and story are too boring to be taken seriously and therefore isn't fun to experience.
- It also features a Multiplayer mode which is quite barebones when compared to today's robust multiplayer shooters.This would be an excellent time to tell us why. Why is the game boring? What does the multiplayer lack? Fill in the details and dont just expect your reader to trust your opinion.
First you'll be greeted by a character select screen. Your readers dont want a play-by-play analysis of what's happening. This is irrelevant. You can explain that other characters are added without mentioning the character select screen.
Killzone takes it self too seriously -Â itself is one word.
Oddly enough, even with all these problems, I can't deny that KZ can be very fun at times. I don't know if it's the way that the Helghast collapse when shot or how the weapons feel but there is something very satisfying. This is a good sentence and written in a way that people can relate to. Sometimes a game can suck technically...but can still be very fun to play. Well done.
This one thing annoyed me throughout the course of my playthrough, the frame rate. Should read: The one thing that annoyed me throughout the course of my playthrough was the frame rate. Â
Their's still offline multiplayer though. - There's
enjoy the multiplayer aswell. - as well is two words
Overall, this is a pretty decent review, and definitely one of the easier ones I've critiqued. You write well, your score reflects your opinion, you're confident in said opinion, and your review was almost error free. Well done.
However, there are a few things that I think could make you an even better reviewer. First, you need more relevant detail and less irrelevant information. Fill in the blanks with the why without adding unnecessary information about character select screens and so forth. You'll never see that in a professional review and there's a reason for it. Get to the point and hit it hard.
Second, I'd find a professional reviewer you really like and examine in detail what they do and how they do it. Why do you like them? Is it more than the scores they give on games? Is it a certain way they write or describe things? Emulate that style until you feel confident in making the changes to make it your own.
Finally, I'd shy away from things like controls unless they're an absolute deal breaker. No one really cares, honestly, unless they're a make or break factor in the game. Spend your time writing about the gameplay or the dynamics that make it unique.
All in all reviews are terribly difficult to write and I'm probably one of the least qualified people to give you advice on the subject. I think you have great potential though, and write in a clear and easy to read manner, and definitely have a lot going for you. Let me know if I can help in any other way and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
Good luck!
-Saigo-
Log in to comment