Xbox button > Chat and IM > scroll right to Messenger> Sign in if you have a chat pad, you could just press the little MSN dudes button, left of the space bar.
the way i used to do it was on messenger options you can have tabs on the messenger window besides your contacts but for xbox, not sure if its still on option or not though
I know exactly what your talking about. There used to be a tab,letting view your xbox live friends lists, that you could enable right on the side of the live messenger window. I used to do the same thing. I dont believe the option is there anymore, it kinda lame to take features away. you can actually visually see the feature here in this thread if you scroll down a little: http://forums.xbox-scene.com/index.php?showtopic=532027
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