Grinding out the 25-30 hours the GTA4 story gives you as much satisfaction as washing your dishes and folding your socks
User Rating: 6.5 | Grand Theft Auto IV X360
Ahhh yes, here we are a month out from the release of the "Hugest Funnezt game. Like ever. Dude." and all I can say is...recount b*tches. You are most likely more than familiar with this game's story and means of gameplay so I will go ahead and skip all uh dat jib'rish. Here we have the latest installment of GTA. At first you are blown away by the shear size of everything, and excited by the large veil of uncertainty about just what is going on. But once you start playing the missions seriously (which you don't have to be serious because they are as hard as Ian McKellan at a lingerie party), you realize that, my god, all I freaking do is take a cab to the gun store, take a cab to a dot, take the person from the dot to a dot in my cab, and then you and the person from the dot kill the person on that dot. Jesus Christ. But seriously, the car handling is so bad you will resist stealing anything, made worse is the terrifying prospect of a cop seeing you and having to out run the "po rider bubble." This game should be called grand irritating cab ride to the dot to kill the dot. Vice City was off the chain. It was. Everything was over the top and hilarious, and because the creators knew using guns was irritating they had you do things like deliver drugs in an ice cream truck. The closest thing here is taking a cab to get some "brown" or "white" or "random color representing drug" and then killing whoever is represented by a dot, and trying desperately to flag down another cab to get back to the gun store and visit a new dot. Seriously the shooting here is like a slap in the face to r6 vegas and gears of war. Those games only needed shooting, because that's what was fun. Gta4 thinks it's shooting is better than eating a filet mignon and having a cocaine snooter for dessert, but it's not. It's more like eating Hilary Clinton's bird and snorting something else that makes your whole head go numb without the euphoria. Just trying to stick to a wall is an excercise in patience, and shooting is shear repetition.
But the story. I like it. It's all about drugs, sex, alcohol, death, and revenge, and it reminds me a lot of my college years. Sure it has no cohesive flow, and you will be lead from one random situation to another hoping for something ridiculous to happen (again, college years). But that's what our generation does now, we wander aimlessly in hopes of random entertaining things happening. Our games have aged as well as we have, not like a fine wine. The more we gripe about everything not being the way we want it, the more they are going to make games exactly the way we want them. And yes folks, this means every game coming out will be trying to be exactly what you expect it to be. No more creativity. No more plumbers jumping on turtles, goombas, and bowser (mario brothers 2). No more putting genitalia shaped blocks into genitalia shaped blocks to make lines and change the screen colors while speeding things up and making things more difficult (sim city). Now we have a never ending stream of mind numbing crap that is shiny. Well folks, I'm about done, I'm 23, if I wanted shiny crap I would eat the chrome wheels on my whip (Hyundai).
Now playing: With Myself GOTY Edition 
