P2 is an ambitious but flawed game that runs out of surprises somewhat quickly...

User Rating: 6.9 | Postal 2 PC
I must admit that I was disappointed with Postal 2 after the first four or five hours of playing it. Up until that point, I had a grand old time gleefully massacring the many pedestrians around Paradise: shocking and spooking and swatting and soaking them in gallons of urine; playing fetch with my mutt using some uppity bimbo’s detached noggin; sneaking into homes to steal cans of gasoline from the bathtub (?); breaking and jostling hapless citizens’ windows and furniture just to marvel at the Havok physics in effect; kicking the snot out of armed vigilantes and protestors and then leading them into a passel of cops for a showdown. All of those refreshingly discourteous diversions were a hoot until the fatigue of repetition kicked in. Entering a new section of the marvelously detailed town (which required an astonishingly long load time prior to the Share the Pain patch) yielded nothing new, just more houses through which to rummage and more capital to devalue. Of course, acquiring new weapons like the WMD Launcher or the rotting cow’s head refreshed my interest in the game; it was somewhat sporting to watch the epidemic spawned by the former toy spread from person to person until its pestilential funk reduced an entire block of Postal Dude’s smarmy neighbors to a pitiful, writhing mass of upchucks and moans. Still, casual meanness can provide only so much catharsis.

Once I was done with wandering about the (again, very nicely rendered) town, breaking and entering at every domicile and peeing gleefully on anyone I found therein, I really wanted something comparatively useful to do. I appreciated the way in which each day’s errands were freeform with regard to the order in which I completed them, and I was initially compelled by the idea that the game allows for a meek demeanor. Waiting patiently in line for a brusque bank teller or fleeing at the sight of the different factions (protesters, rednecks, and so on) that develop into enemies over the course of the game actually added some value to those moments when I finally did raise my fists in anger like the titular letter carriers of old – after all, there is nothing quite as satisfying, in the virtual world of first-person shooters, as delivering on a well-earned killing. The fact that different sections of the town gradually opened only as the week wore on – as well as a smattering of new sensations, like a doomed parade or an increase in the number of combustible cars, that were added to already-established areas – helped to stave of the worst of the been-there-done-that ennui.

I cannot stress enough how wonderfully intricate Postal 2’s scenery and fluid/flame effects are, and the character designs were top-notch back in ’02. Even though they shuffled around doing absolutely nothing most of the time, the citizens of Paradise looked great, what with their well-articulated facial animation and a fairly broad spectrum of clothing/countenance combinations. In fact, one of the redheads in the crowd looked and sounded like an almost picture-perfect rendition of a particularly vicious ex-girlfriend of mine…so you can bet the bank that that model received its fair share of bruising, dog bites, immolation, and cholera. Don’t worry; I’m as harmless as a (really big) kitten in real life, and Postal 2 is less about dangerously antisocial behavior than it is about naughty hijinks on a cartoonish playground awash in bodily fluids and all manner of infantile intolerance. To that end, the game isn’t all that funny unless the player is one of those types for whom pulling someone’s finger never gets old. I only recall laughing out loud a few times – at some of the questions asked of Special Guest Star Gary Coleman during his meet-and-greet in the mall, at the audacity of the jiggly Krotchy mascot, and I cackled like a loon the first time my dog fetched a severed head and dropped it at my feet. Overall, however, poop jokes and name-calling run a distant second to the well-developed character-driven humor that made the No One Lives Forever series such a remarkable experience.

Postal 2 is a mixed bag of positives and negatives. The game looks great, runs fairly well on a powerful machine (after the patch, natch), and contains a wickedly deranged arsenal and cast of characters. Conversely, P2 just isn’t very endearing, for the lack of a better word; its structure is a bit too freeform, so that the meandering gameplay ends up feeling like Morrowind with only two or three quests available on the entire island. I recommend Postal 2 for anyone who loves desert scenery and gratuitous grossness. Players who require a tight storyline and prefer a less wanton outlet for deadly justice will likely grow bored long before The Dude pees pus.