I've never really been one for big crowds...or sticking to a group of people, "friends", for long. I guess I'm pretty much a loner. Though I'm used to it. Never much excitement here. So when I walked into my high school for the first school day of the year I didn't think there would be much excitement either. That is until I realized that nobody was in the school besides me.

Now normally on your first day of school the hallways would be buzzing with chatter and gossip about what had happened over the summer, and there would be tons of hugs between "long lost" friends who hadn't seen each other over the summer break, but this...was just abnormal.

I stared up at the school's clock which read 7:00 and noticed that I was an hour early for school. I mentally slapped myself because for some reason I woke up to a clock reading 8:55 and thought I was extremely late.

I shuffled through my pocket and pulled out my cellphone. Sure enough the time, reading 7:01, flashed inside the school's dimly lit hallways. I had to control myself from flinging the phone into the wall. I was unbearably mad at myself.

Waking up to see that I was late on my first day of school didn't leave me much time to re-check the time on my cellphone. Who knew that my alarm clock would fail me?

I hadn't even brushed my hair let alone brushed my teeth since I had been in such a rush to get to school. I looked like "a dog's dinner" my mother would say.

I thought about walking back to my car and driving to McDonalds' to get some breakfast for once in forever, but I decided not to. I had never liked the breakfast choices at McDonalds anyway.

Instead I walked to the school's library and sat down at a table. I had an hour to kill, which wasn't very much, but at least I could do something productive. I rummaged through my backpack, looking for at least a good novel to read, but I didn't find anything except the standard school supplies that came with the beginning of every school year.

I sighed and sat back in my chair, looking around at all the books, yet having no interest in reading them. I don't know why, but I'm very picky in the books that I read. It's hard to find a book that suits me.

As I was contemplating why I don't like the majority of books in the world, I didn't notice someone entering the library. It took me a minute to register the smell of hair gel coming from the table beside me.

I looked over to see a boy with raven black hair occupied with a book. I tried to see the title, but I couldn't make it out from where I was sitting. Instead of giving up I continued to stare at the book, trying to figure out what the title was from the picture on the front.

"Take a picture it'll last longer." His voice rang out in the almost empty library as he continued to stare down at his book, his eyes moving like a little typewriter.

I blushed, slightly flustered, and stood up so quickly that I knocked over my chair.

He laughed and looked over at me, "Nice."

My blush grew deeper as I picked up my chair, "S-sorry I didn't mean to disturb you."

"You aren't disturbing me...though I think you just disturbed the chair." He continued to laugh as he elegantly bookmarked the page he was on and then carefully placed the book in his backpack.

"Oh...y-yeah." I looked down at the floor as I pretended to straighten out my shirt. My black Tranformers shirt that had a picture of Optimus Prime on it. I'm such a nerd.

He stopped laughing, "Not much of a talker are you?"

As much as I liked the view of my black Transformers shirt, I looked up at him and smiled weakly, "Not really...people don't usually talk to me."

He smiled a heart-warming smile, "That's a shame. You seem like a cool person. A little clutzy, but still cool." For a second I thought he was staring at my shirt to look at how big my boobs were, but then I realized that he was just taking note of what was on it. Especially when he said, "Optimus Prime...that's old school. Gotta admire that."

"It was before my time, but it's still pretty cool." I said as my smile widened.

I don't know how long we talked, but our talk ended too soon. Too soon it ended up being 8:00 and classes would start in ten minutes.

I sighed as the bell rang and frowned, "Well I guess we better leave and go to our exciting classes."

He laughed and flung his backpack over his shoulder, "Yeah...your eleventh grade history class wouldn't be the same without you."

"Right...and I'm sure your twelfth grade english class would deeply miss you." I retorted, laughing softly.

He smiled and walked over to the library's door, "By the way...I'm Daniel...Danny for short."

"My name's Renae." I smiled back as I picked up my backpack.

"Well...I hope to see you around Renae." He winked at me before leaving.

And that...was the most exciting event on the first day of my eleventh grade year in high school.

______________________________________________________

I have no idea why I wrote that...I just felt compelled to write something.

I might continue it...but then again...I have no idea what I was writing about.

So...yeah...see you later. Sorry this isn't a real updated blog.

~Chrissy/Carissa

CarissaCarCar is crusheddp.

I went to my old profile and added alot of my old friends...so I just wanted to tell you guys that I'm back. I tried to log back into my crusheddp profile at the beginning of the year, but it wouldn't let me so I made this one.

At first it was going to be a diary blog thingy, so I just added Emma...it still might be a journal thingy...but I missed a lot of my old friends...so I'm adding you now so you can see the real me.

I look forward to talking to you guys again.

~Chrissy

So...I haven't updated in a REALLY long time. It's been like two months. A lot of stuff has happened...but I don't really feel like going into details about it...so here's a list of new stuff...and then I'll write some more.

1. School got over on the 5th.

2. I'm a sophomore now...xDDD

3. I still don't have a boyfriend...but I really don't need one...they're all immature anywayz.

4. Briana is now my new bestest friend in RL. Yay!!!

5. I'm trying to publish a book of poems...so yay for that...

6. I have to re-write my new poem all over again on the computer cause bebo just deleted it...-_-' Grrrr!

7. My cousin Stephany is graduating on Sunday.

8. My favorite cousin Travis is going to be here for a week and we played MarioKart on his Wii...and also Boom Bloxs...two very fun games.

9. I'm still making Tokyo Mew Mew videos.

10. I still haven't figured out how to use Sony Vegas...and I probably never will.

So yeah...I'm gonna go now...cause I'm in a deep chat with my friends Tasha and Danii...lol...we're all talking about random stuff.

Update soon hopefully.

~Carissa

Good evening. Today was...interesting.

I almost didn't go to school today because my throat is all icky and crap...and my contacts were giving me problems. -_-'

I fixed the contacts during first period though...and the only reason I got up to go to school was because Koty, Sam, and I were doing our presentation today and I was the one with the video...so I couldn't let them down...no matter how sick I was.

I prayed to God to help me during my presentation...and thankfully during second hour my throat cleared up enough for me to talk during the presentation. ^ ^

I told three more people that I liked Koty...they aren't even my best friends...one of them is one of my good guy friends, but I couldn't tell him without telling the other two because they were in the room. -_-'

Okay...back to the presentation. People laughed!!! Ours was definately the funniest and it was the most creative...I think.

*sighs*...we didn't get our grade yet...we get it tomorrow so...wish us luck even though the presentation is over.

Koty asked our teacher if he liked our video because he wasn't sure if he thought it was TOO funny and not really informative, okay so it was me that thought that, but anyway...the teacher nodded! So he liked it! Yay! xD

Uhm...nothing besides that happened today that is all that interesting...uh...my friend Esther came back on today! I wasn't expecting her to come back until May 5th so I was pleasantly surprised. We roleplayed our story for a little bit until she had to leave, which was at the same time that I needed to go take a shower...so it worked out. ^ ^

Yeah...that's it...so...uhm...I might update tomorrow morning...but I don't know if I'll be able to.

Oh yeah...it was my friend Emily/Emii's birthday today! Yay! :D

~Carissa

Good morning! NOT.

Ugh...so we have a two hour delay...which is good because I thought I could get more sleep...but I can't get back to sleep. So now I'm going to talk about last night some more because I was really tired last night and didn't say much.

I told Sam that I had a small crush on Koty when Koty went downstairs to the bathroom...after I told her about it things were still normal between the three of us. Haha...she didn't say anything at all about it to Koty...which I really appreciated.

They're both good friends...and we really worked diligently on our project together.

I'm not going to tell anybody else who I have a crush on...except for Briana, cause she's my BFF...and of course Emma already knows...cause she's my other BFF that always gives me advice and stuff. ^ ^

Hmmm...let's see...well...I'm gonna update this thingy after school. Oh yeah! We might not get all of the presentations done today because of the delay...but we might get them all done.

[After School]

Well...they only got three presentations done today...and we didn't have to go. Koty and Sam came to my house after school again to work on the presentation, because we realized that we needed more information, which we really didn't; Emma should know about that. ^ ^

I don't think that I like Koty anymore...Sam said that he really likes her best friend Danielle, who is my friend too, so...I think I'm not going to worry about liking him anymore. I guess I don't really need a boyfriend after all.

Oh yeah...I talked to Brooke today in seminar, writing notes back and forth, because she was in a good mood. It was nice because I told her why I had stopped talking to her...and she said that the choir contest and track and everything was stressing her out...so I can kind of understand that. It stressed me out too.

Well...I'm gonna go for tonight...I guess I'll tell you how we did on our presentation tomorrow...

~Carissa

OMG...I am SO tired right now. Sam and Koty came over to work on our project video...I was in the shower when they got to my house. -_-'

We did an amazing job on it...I wish I could show Emma it because it's amazing and hilarious and informative. ^ ^

The only thing I'm worried about is if our teacher thinks we based it all on the video...because the video is seven minutes long...but I gotta write another script for what we're going to say before and after the video. -_-'

Wish me luck with that because my mom wants me to get off the computer now.

Also...our other classmates might not find the video funny...our parents did...but the kids might not laugh...it might confuse them...though our parents got it...and they thought it was funny.

But...our parents aren't the teacher or our classmates.

No matter the outcome though...I'm proud of what we made...I thought we did a really good job...and hopefully some people can learn from it. ^ ^

Well...I'm gonna sign out for tonight. Sorry this is so short...but I'm really tired right now. I'll tell you what happened with our presentation tomorrow.

~Carissa

I'm taking a break from cleaning my room right now...ugh...I hate it...the last time I cleaned my room was in the summer. -_-'

Stupid dust bunnies! I hate them!!!

So our choir went to contest today...the girls choir got a gold...and the mixed choir (just adding in guys) got a silver. We got gold for sight-reading on both of them...which is amazing...because we didn't do very good on it.

I was hanging out with Briana most of the time. I talked to Andrea and Mary too. I didn't say anything to Brooke at all. It was hard...but I got through. I just focused on talking to Briana and not Brooke...because I would rather have Briana as a friend than Brooke. This one time I said something to Mary...and Brooke answered sharply to me...I just ignored Brooke and listened to Mary's reply.

Like I said...I'm sick of the Brooke Guessing Game. I don't know when she's going to be in a good mood or not. She has a hard time trusting people...I do too, but...I dunno. She used to be nicer to me...and she would tell me serious stuff that was going on in her life...but now she won't. I think it's our falling out...but we might never pick it back up.

Anyways...I should prolly go back to cleaning my room...Koty and Sam are coming over at seven...I think. At least I hope they do...because we really need to work on our project.

I'll update after I finish cleaning my room. ^ ^

[After cleaning my room.]

Gosh...my room feels so empty now, but I'm glad I got everything organized again. xD

So...I can get ahold of Koty...but Sam won't answer her phone! Grrr! We really need to work on our project!!! Way to go Sam...way to go...:evil:

I'll update more if anything of interests happens...or if something doesn't.

GAH!!! WE NEED TO WORK ON OUR PROJECT!!!

[After Koty Came Over]

So...basically we couldn't do anything without Sam...so...we erased all the chalk off of my chalkboard wall so we could use it for our video thingy...and then Koty had tons of fun getting on my computer and trying to figure out how to upload stuff from his camera onto the computer. -_-'

In the end we didn't really accomplish much. *sighs*...all of our ideas are there and they're amazingly awesome...but...gah...we just didn't have Sam...and Sam should've been here.

I hope this doesn't completely bomb...because that would really suck...alot. I'm not even joking because I want to get the best grade on this project, which seems selfish...but I really want to prove that we can do it...because we aren't seen as the smartest of the bunch in our class. I really want to prove them wrong about us.

But we didn't even figure out the camera stuff...*bangs head on desk*...epic fail. We need to figure out something tomorrow...because it's due Monday.

Ugh...wish us luck on our project...we need it.

~Carissa

P.S. I officially hate our choir dresses and our choir shoes!!! Those shoes freaking kill!!!

ARGH!!!! BROOKE PISSES ME OFF!!!

It's not just the fact that she does things to piss me off and upset me...it's just that I actually let her get to me, and then I keep trying to be her friend...only to be rejected almost everytime. I'm sick of it! She's happy one minute and then she blows up on me the next. Maybe she hates my perkiness...but she shouldn't snap at me for every little thing. I think she seriously hates me...even though she says she doesnt. I act excited almost everytime I see her...and I guess she probably doesn't like that.

She's mean to me at school...which I can sort of understand because school isn't really fun (I'm happy at school all the time usually though)...but...I don't see her being mean to anybody else. She just snaps at me, especially in choir. It's the last period of the day...so I can kind of understand...but...*sighs*...I just don't know.

I'm sick of it. She's too freaking moody...and I can't handle a friend like that. She's usually snappy at me...but sometimes she's not. I hate guessing when she's in a bad mood or not...because she usually acts the same all the time...so I can't really tell by her expression. Also...she'll be nice to someone else...and then when I say something, she'll yell at me.

We were also supposed to write a story together...and...she's making other stories besides that one with other people. It kind of upsets me...like she thinks I'm not good enough to write a story with her because we haven't worked on the story in months.

I know I'm taking this way too personally...but...I just thought she was my friend...and she shouldn't be treating me like this. I try to be caring towards her...but she always rejects me.

I try to be distant with her...but that doesn't work either.

I try not to open up to her...but I have some hope that she will finally accept me.

I don't know why I open myself up to her...only to be completely crushed again and again. I've always had that problem. I think I give too many chances to people...and I don't know when to stop giving chances.

I keep saying that I won't talk to Brooke...but it's kind of hard. *sighs* So I'm going to try not talking to her at all now...even if she talks to my other friends...because I'm sick of her treating me like a piece of sh*t every time I say something to her.

She has nothing I want anyway...so I don't know why it matters so much. I can still be friends with Mary even if I'm not friends with Brooke.

It'll be hard at the Anime Convention when all three of us are going though. I don't know whether to go or not...sometimes I do...and sometimes I don't want to go...but I don't know why I'm letting Brooke make my decision for me.

In other news, cause we need some of that, our choir contest is tomorrow; so I should probably go to bed, but I doubt that's going to happen anytime soon. So I'm going to be dead tired tomorrow.

On second thought...I probably should go to bed. Koty and Sam are coming over tomorrow after the choir concert to work on our project for Honors English...and I still haven't cleaned my room yet! Yikes!

I really better get going now! Update tomorrow...probably really late since I'm gonna be busy all day. Sorry Emmerz, but I prolly won't be on IM.

Wish me luck on all three things!

~Carissa

April 16th, 2008

Hmm...well what can I report today? Basically everybody in my keyboarding class hates that friggin class. I don't really blame them though.

*sighs*...well...I have youth group tonight after i go to visit Peggi, I'm not really all that excited to go though, because nobody takes it seriously like me...except for this girl named Megan...she's a good girl.

My former best friends Krystal and Kenessa didn't even say two words to me last time I went. I guess that they're too wrapped up in their own world to even notice mine.

I talked to my friends Andrea and Briana a lot today. They're really nice people and they're really good friends. I think I've found some friends that are nice to me and accept me. I didn't really talk to Mary or Brooke today. I waited for them to start talking to me to see if they even wanted to reach out to talk to me, but they didn't.

I'm kind of worried about Brooke though. She's been really upset lately...she's either PMSing or she's having parent problems again...but we all have parent problems sometimes.

I gotta go for awhile...I'll update again after Youth Group is over.

[After Youth Group]

So I talked to Peggi about Mary and I figured that out...so that problem is solved. The Brooke thing is pretty much solved...I'm not going to be as close to her as I would a close friend. She's more of an arm's length friend and I can't wear my heart out on my sleeve around her. I read these diary entries to Peggi and it gave us a lot to talk about...so I think I'm going to continue reading them to her.

Youth Group was...fun. I get to sing a solo for this thing we're doing for V.B.S (Vacation Bible School) in front of the parents on some Sunday. (Not sure when.) Everybody was not really being serious...and as predicted Krystal and Kenessa were being b*tches. Maybe it's just me...but we don't get along like we used to. *shrugs* Doesn't really upset me though.

Briana and me are officialy best friends now though. We've known each other since elementary school...so it doesn't really surprise me. We both really respect and love each other. She's my best friend and my twinzie. I want to get blonde highlights in my hair because she has blonde highlights. Haha...we have like the same brown hair color...so we gotta stay the same!

I still have other good friends though...like Emma. Emma's really awesome. She's really gotten me through some hard times, and she makes me realize...that if she can deal with stuff, then so can I...and that gets me through the day. And I don't know anybody else who could obsess over Robert Pattinson and Twilight as much as her. Oh...and we can't forget Breaking Dawn.

I might go visit Emma over the summer...that's if I can even go. I hope my mom lets me because I really want to meet her and hang out with her an' such. Haha...and we can't forget about annoying the crap out of Cole and his rucker dubby as well.

So...basically today was as boring as hell. We have a big mega-important choir contest on Saturday. *yawns*...I could care less, but that's just me. I guess it should be fun. We don't get a study hall though...so it sucks. The last study hall we got was last Thursday...and we might not even get one tomorrow. -_-' We really need those study halls.

Oh...in my Honors English class we had to get in a group to do a presentation on a disorder. Koty, Sam, and I...(they're my good friends in that class) ended up choosing each other as partners, (well, that was a given), and we get to do our presentation on OCD. Haha...it's funny...because Sam and I think that Koty is actually OCD. ^ ^ The presentation is due on Monday...so we have two days to work on it...yay.

Well...I have an I.C.P. test tomorrow...so I should probably get off soon and study.

*bursts out laughing*

Okay...I prolly won't...I'll prolly do it in the morning, but I need to do it. Anyways...I better stop writing before I melt someone's brain.

Talk to you later.

~Carissa

April 15th, 2008

Parents have no idea what the **** we're going through. Excuse my language, but I'm really pissed off right now.

1. My mom is seriously pissing me off because she wouldn't even let me write this on my new blog. I had to write it on Microsoft Word first, which I hate to do.

2. I hate my freaking keyboarding class. I already learned how to keyboard with both of my index fingers...and now I have to learn how to use all the proper fingers. I got a D- on the first test I took in that class and it made me upset...I even cried a little bit when I saw what I got.

3. I'm pissed at my "friends" Brooke and Mary. Mary is a freaking bossy boots and thinks she's better than everyone else. She always puts me down...even with things such as my writing, and my writing means a lot to me. Brooke snaps at me whenever I freaking see her. I can't even say two words to her and then she's yelling at me for some reason. I'm getting sick of that. I know I shouldn't take it personally...but she shouldn't freaking snap at me EVERY FREAKING TIME she sees me.

4. I'm crying while I'm writing this and my eyes are really getting irritated. I'm already allergic to my own sweat; don't tell me that I'm allergic to my own tears as well! I'm probably just extremely tired and my hormones are raging...and I got into an argument with my parents...so...yeah.

So...yeah...if you haven't noticed by now this is my diary. I don't know how much I'll write, and if I'll even keep writing new things every day. I'll try...but I can't guarantee anything. I've tried to keep diaries...but I've always given up doing it at some point.

I'll probably write about my most miserable and happier times here. Recently it's been miserable...even if I pretend to be happy all the time.

Cody S. used to be my boyfriend...I really miss him. I wrote a monologue about it for theatre class, (a class that me and Mary took together; that's also the monologue that she said her monologue that she wrote was better than), I might put it here...but I can't do it right now because I'm lazy and I don't feel like doing much of anything. Besides...I already have it saved on Microsoft Word...so yeah.

Well, if you haven't guessed by now I write tons. I have a lot to say...which I usually don't get to. So hopefully I can get all my feelings out on here.

I'm starting to cry again...I don't know why...I guess it's just hormones...but I am really upset. I don't think that I'll ever find friends, real life friends, who will respect me and all of my weird obsessions.

Mary shoots down my favorite anime Case Closed. She keeps insisting that her favorite anime is the best...that really gets annoying sometimes. I don't think she knows how to be a good friend. I thought I could show her how...but that doesn't seem to be working out to well. I'm such a push-over...I know.

At least Briana has always been there...I guess I should pay more attention to her. She's the most loyal friend anyone could ever have...and if anyone could be taken advantage of...it's her. She's very sweet and kind, but she really doesn't put up with much crap. She once read this thing I wrote when I was really upset...it had a bunch of cuss words in it...and she hit me every time she read a cuss word that I wrote. I can't really blame her. I probably would've done the same thing. It's hard not to cuss sometimes though...especially when you hear a bunch of kids in your school cussing all the time.

Briana is taking the keyboarding class too...but she has it second period and I have it third period. She got an F on the test, while I got a D-, which isn't too far from an F if you think about it. Hopefully we'll both get through it. It's good to at least have someone who feels my pain and frustration.

Speaking of keyboarding class...we had to learn about proofreading. We had to write these sentences...and then have the teacher come check them. It took me three times to correct my mistakes...and I only had like three mistakes. It sucked.

Which reminds me of science class, this morning Danii (she is a girl) and I had to do a lab together, and Mr. Smith (science teacher) kept saying that we did it wrong. I had to redo the math part over again like five times and I got kind of flustered because he kept yelling at us like we were supposed to know what to do. I thought I did...but then he explained it...and I realized my mistake and what I had been doing wrong. Danii was just like "screw it", but I didn't give up. I felt like crying though, because I wasn't quite sure on what we had done wrong; though he made it pretty clear. Fifth times the charm...because I finally got it right on the fifth time; I felt extremely embarrassed though...because I was the first person he had yelled at and he kept extra watch on me and every little mistake that I made.

Terra (her real name's Taria, but it's pronounced like Terra), Danii, Jamie (Danii's twin), and Toast (his real name is Brenden, but we call him Toast), were amazed that I kept going. They said that they all would've given up on it. That's what separates me from other kids though...I care a lot about my school work.

I better get going to bed now. I know there's a lot more I can write, but I'll save it for tomorrow.

As for the Brooke and Mary thing, I'll talk to my counselor Peggi about it tomorrow. She usually has good advice...even if I don't want to hear that advice.

See ya tomorrow.

~Carissa

P. S. It's actually the 16th right now because I didn't get to post this until this morning. -_-'