One of the things that I love about this show is how multi-dimensional the main characters are. As a psychologist, most of the individual and family dynamics featured in the show make a lot of sense to me. Sam and Dean feel very real and easily relatable. And their characterization isn't static; as the seasons progress, we've seen them grow and evolve.
Dean is special to me. I just adore Dean. From the pilot I've adored Dean.
At first it's cause he's incredibly funny in an outlandish kind of way. When he told Sam "no chick flick moments" I remember telling myself "I like this guy!" And the whole b!tch-jerk thing was hilarious, specially since I know people who just enjoy that kind of humor. As I like to say, Dean had me at 'b!tch'.
But very early on the producers showed us that there is more to Dean's happy-go-lucky nature than meets the eye. Two episodes after the series pilot and we have Dead In The Water. I think this eppy reveals a lot about how Dean became the man he is. Even Jensen himself said that this script gave him a better grasp of the elder Winchester's personality.
Here we see our first glimpse of how well Dean works with children. In an attempt to encourage the traumatized boy Lucas to talk, Dean shared a little about himself. He revealed how as a little boy he saw something bad happen to his mother and how what he had witnessed scared him. He also shared how he copes: he knew his mom would have wanted him to be brave and so he tries to be brave everyday.
That sounded so functional and so strong at first look. But my heart just broke for Dean. I found it really bittersweet. See for me it just emphasized how emotionally unavailable John had been when Dean was growing up. A little kid shouldn't have had to tell himself that he had to be brave---his family should be telling him that it's alright to be scared and that they are there for him. My guess is that Dean had to suppress fear several times--- forced himself to cheer up on account of Mom's memory--- cause there's no one else to rely on.
Which explains so many things. It explains why Dean hates emotional moments; he was never allowed be vulnerable as a child. Nobody has told him that it's okay to feel the way he did. It explains why he is easily pleased, why fast women and beer can already make him 'happy.' Dean's coping is to be brave, paste a smile and plow through despite what he wants or feels. This is the best it will ever be. It is only later in Croatoan when we found out how tired Dean really is of the vagabond hunter's life.
Interestingly I think this childhood also explains why Dean has idealized Mary. I love Mary's character, specially after the reveal in In The Beginning, but I've always thought that Dean is overly attached to a mother he likely doesn't remember too well (how vivid can a 4 year old's memory be?).
But even in fantasy (What Is and What Should Never Be) Dean clings to Mary as a symbol of the life he lost. The little boy he once was must have come to the conclusion that his life wouldn't have been that screwed up had Mary been still alive. His mother represents for him the family he could have had, at least the anti-thesis to John's obsessive behavior.
Mary is safety; he'll only allow himself to be real with her. He wouldn't have to hide anything to Mom. And if there's something Dean consistently does across the seasons its repress what he feels.
It took him so long to admit how messed up he was when John died. Also, Dean had to be 'obi wan-ed' by Andy before he admitted that Sam's psychic abilities scared the crap out of him. And it took him so long to concede that he really did not want to die and go to hell after all.
Dean's lack of freedom to look at his feelings growing up is aggravated by how he never had developed an identity that is his own, thus validating his right to feel and think for himself. This was illustrated so well by the 'mano-a-mano' dialogue in Dream A Little Dream of Me where Dean argued with his alter ego in his dreams.
His own unconscious taunted him: "Do you even have an original thought?" Translation: Do you know who you are and what you want for yourself? Apparently not, His whole being had been wrapped around just two things: obedience to John and protecting Sam.
This was seen explicitly in his speech at Sam's deathbed in All Hell Breaks Loose Part 2.
Here we see how his deal to save Sam is not entirely selfless and borne out of love. It's actually pretty selfish. Sam can't die because he wouldn't be able to live with himself otherwise. Protecting Sam was his job, the only reason he mattered to John (at least to his mind), the only reason why his life meant something, and he can't fail.
"I just wanted you to be a kid, just for a little while longer." This simple sentence, delivered by Jensen Ackles with such power, reveals so much about the tight control that Dean has over his emotions---even as a child. He doesn't want Sam to experience the pain that he's had, and will go to all lengths to make sure he creates this illusion of normalcy for his little brother.
Jeremy Carver captured this in what is my most favorite brotherly moment in the show. In a flashback to the Christmases the boys had growing up (A Very Supernatural Christmas), we have Dean stealing the neighbor's presents and pretending straight-faced that their absent father actually came by for to visit. He stuck with the lie even when he's so obviously busted--- the gifts were a Barbie and a baton--and he just tries to cover his lies by mercilessly teasing his brother, an act which the smart Sam didn't buy. But the forced happiness is there again--- for his brother.
I think the blind obedience and the hero-worship to John has a lot to do with Dean preserving his fragile self-esteem. The bitter reality that his consciousness wouldn't accept is that John loved the hunt more than his kids. It's vengeance first before family.
We know he recognized this when his dream self taunted him "You were a good soldier and nothing else---Daddy's blunt little instrument. Your own father didn't care whether you live or die, why should you?"; to which he replied 30 years belatedly: "My father was an obsessive bastard. All those things he dumped on me...those were his crap. He's the one who couldn't protect his family." This is one of the greatest turning point in Dean's personality, and likely critical to his slowly building self-worth in Season 4.
Easily if asked to evaluate who is the more emotionally stable between Sam and Dean, the answer would be Sam (though not by a mile). Sam had developed enough sense of self to separate himself from John early on. He knew he wanted a normal and safe life and he left for college to pursue it. In fact, if Dean's modus operandi was to fake-it-till-you-make-it, Sam's mode of coping is to find a way to change the situation.
We saw this difference in how the boys reacted to their loved one making a deal for their life. Dean's reaction is focused on his unworth. When asked by Bobby why he made a deal for Sam, he recalled John's deal for his life: "I'm not even supposed to be here. At least this way my life can mean something." Bobby answered on target: "Are you that screwed in the head? Do you have that little an opinion of yourself?"
Sam is more action-oriented. After confirmation that Dean indeed had sold his soul for his life, he said "I'm gonna get you out of it." Sam may have been tortured by his brother's decision but it's because he loves Dean and can't stand to live life with his brother in the pit. But it never occured to Sam that he is not worth it.
Actually if anything Sam is determined to be worth something, as illustrated by his earnest desire to make something of his curse. And Sam can really be emotionally honest. It didn't take him long to admit to Dean that he is not alright after John's death. And he did come clean with Dean about Ruby relatively fast enough.
And so while I don't like Heaven and Hell as much as the other season 4 episodes thus far, I appreciate one thing about it. Dean opened up emotionally faster than he used to. Maybe chick-flick moments are growing on him. I think you have Anna to thank for that. For the first Dean has someone who knew the worst about him and accepted and forgiven him anyway. If anything this unconditional support, plus the thought of God Himself ordering that he be pulled out of hell, should help him navigate through his post-hotbox PTSD that is sure to come when the season resumes.
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