Apparently today my parents sold their camper trailer to some Texan who risked his life through the massive weather system that swept the Central Plains late this week with its 72 tornadoes and killed at least 7 people. One of the few things that sucks about living in this country, is that we have the most violent weather on the planet. Speaking of which, I've deemed the Dakotas as the worst weather place in the U.S. They seem to get the coldest Arctic air in the winter with like below -20s, and 100 degrees and tornadoes during the summer. The other day it was 80 degrees there, and 3 days later, South Dakota is hit with 60+ m.p.h. gusts and 24"-48" of snow! That's crazy. Also after spending my 30th birthday last Saturday at U.S. Cellular, it had to be the coldest April 26 that I ever remembered. Usually it's sunny or raining in the 70s on this day. It was in the 40s with a cold dampness that cuts right through to the bone to the point that you can't move. The White Sox won, thankfully in the bottom of the 9th, 6-5 over the Orioles to break a 5-5 tie, and I'm sure everyone at the ballpark was NOT hoping for extra innings, since we were all on our feet for the bottom of the 9th and ready to leave the place to get warm.

Alright, back to the trailer. This thing, which resembled a giant Tylenol with Ray Charles sunglasses, was a 1976 off-white Argosy camper trailer. I really don't have any fond memories of camping with this thing & my parents. We used it mostly in the 1980s, going from one crummy Illinois campground to another. Every summer, we'd visit parks and campgrounds and such, from Illinois to eastern Iowa to eastern & northern Wisconsin to western lower Michigan. Apparently we had some vendetta with Indiana a.k.a Illinois Jr. (rightfully so) so we never camped there. Now for the TV aspect. I would have to say I was blessed growing up with Chicago Broadcast signal, because TV in small towns in the Midwest sucked. Picked up with the trailer's antennae, Very few channels, piss-poor programming and weak signals.

I would have to say, that taking vacations in a trailer & going to small towns was definitely a downgrade to my daily life. Being cramped with two fat parents in a small space or truck most of the time; I'm not really a fisherman, I find hiking tedious and boring, I of course have zero survival skills (this is what happens when your Cub Scout group spent all its time watching TV instead of actually doing scout stuff in yuppie suburbia) and doing the nighttime camp fire was always a sticky battle of bugs and bug spray. At least I had my beloved bicycle to ride around everywhere, tho there was that one incident where a smartass kid pulled a switch blade on me near my neck (it was a comb, but I will still pissed as hell). Stupid 1980s toys. Tho I will say that out west in Camp Shabbona, IL had the best, high-pressure showers I have ever had the joy to use. The water came out so hard it almost hurt. We used to go to this campground the most, tho it was mostly a fishing place and a very small town that was stuck in the 1950s, at least of 1991.

The only other memories I have, are swimming in Lake Superior in northern Wisconsin, that day I threw the stick in the forest and it hit me in the face, blinding me for a good 10 minutes, discovering that I had Chicken Pox in May of 1987 while at Shabbona (parents yelled at me a LOT that day for me acting sick. Don't get sick in my family, they'll treat you like you have the plague) that one time where the back storage box on the trailer came open and all of our sh*t fell out along Route 30, and of course, lawn darts. I also remember going to some Yogi Bear campground a few times, where they had the dusk film show with Yogi Bear cartoons. Apparently I went to those by myself as a kid (incredibly dangerous since I'm surprised I wasn't kidnapped) and that felt like going back in time, which is something you could probably never do today. And I didn't really meet any kids, since campgrounds are mostly full of old farts.

So long, camper. It was... something.