I'm not going to write about the election, because a lot of people are pissed about it, so instead I'm going to tell a story about Burger King.

Today for lunch after finally deciding to eat something today after abstaining from food, I picked up my Burger King coupons, and settled on a buy-one-get-one-free BK double cheese stacker with paper-thin bacon & Thousand Island dressing (tho a bare hint of it) with a value meal. I usually don't do value meals because I usually bring the food back home & there's always soda here, and I really don't need fries, and would rather have another sandwich item instead. Funny how these coupons not only covered the cost of the medium Dr. Pepper I had & the medium fries, but it also covered part of the two burgers individual cost, which would had been more expensive if I had just bought the two (yeah I'm fully aware of the magic that coupons were invented for). I talk to people across the country, and they've never heard or seen things like Arby's coupons or Burger King coupons. In the Chicagoland / NW Indiana area, we're generally given about $1,000 worth a coupons per Sunday Chicago Tribune paper each week, and basically have to hold them in a pickle barrel.

Burger King is not one of my favorite places to eat. Their fries don't really appeal to me. I remember in the early 1990s when they switched from McDonalds $tyle fries to the current, the chain nearly went bankrupt. Their sesame seed buns have a strange dry foamy texture that just seems to absorb moisture up like a sponge, and they don't taste very good. Their standard burger patties, measure 3" across and 1/4" in thickness, with their black grill marks painted on frozen patties (and only on one side) are fed through a broiler standing up while sprayed with liquid smoke, which is fine. Their cheese reminds me of crappy Kraft singles, like a oily, soft rubber cheese, which dissolves into the meat very quickly in high temperatures.

There's a strange sense that I get from eating Burger King burgers. A lack of satisfaction. I'll eat two cheeseburgers and feel hungry for a 3rd, or of something else. Once I ate 3 double cheeseburgers and I was still hungry and wanted something else. I'm not gonna fill up on fries because well, that's just ridiculous. And what's the deal with these big-ass red straws? Am I supposed to be pounding 6 ounces of soda per gulp?? I'm not drinking Bubble Tea where I have tapioca balls swallow, which I've never had btw. Burger King burgers are not particularly juicy, not consistent at all on the bun, the fries also act like sponges and have little to no flavor (I refuse to dip them in ketchup - I find ketchup completely vile by itself, as any Chicagoan should) and there just lacks something. Yes I'm aware it's cheap fast food, but c'mon, Wendy's is even cheaper, and their cheap burgers are miles better than this. And there's something wrong with a Whopper or Whopper Jr's veggies are more interesting and tasty than the pattie they sit on.

So for my troubles at Burger King, I get a slightly lighter wallet, a greasy brown bag, one less coupon, and still belching liquid smoke flavor 9 hours later. At least their mascot isn't a clown. That's key.