Well, actually there are three of us namely Charlie, Dimuffin and me. :) Yep, we just celebrated our respective birthdays and I would like to thank everyone(Candz & Lauren...luv u..:P...seriously, Kewlz: thanks!:D and Charlie: happy belated b-day and thank u!) who greeted me, I indeed had a wondeful birthday. Anyway, I'm still ALIVE. I'm certainly not dead. There. I've made my point. Okay so, I'll give you an update of what's been going on with me these past few weeks:

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Tidal Wave

Now that I'm done being fourteen, and done with all the violin lessons I was giving (Yes, my violin coach asked me to teach some of his students over the summer. Hey, at least it's better than baby-sitting!:P),I madea whole checklist of things to do. Make all these schmaltzy thank you cards, clean my room, catch up with friends, make a scrapbook, travel...etc etc. But I ended up doing only a fraction of that so-called to-do list. Though, ironically, I ended up getting more than what I bargained for. And only now am I recovering from everything, from the Starbucks nights to the early mornings at Somethin' Fishy.

I'll spare you overly-analyzed details but I will share my recklessly candid thoughts on these past events...

When you feel like you're leaving this certain period in your life (Yes, I'm talking about how my life has been when I was fourteen.) you tend brace yourself for the impact. The impact of something totally uncertain and possibly foreign. You're psyching up yourself to expect the unexpected (i.e. The Worst), you try to futilely make some sort of feeble sense of the little information or knowledge of have of the what's-to-come. You struggle, perhaps. Not the sort of struggle that entails the clashing of fists and all that but maybe the sort of turmoil that happens in the heart and in the mind. Emotions that refuse to be understood. Thoughts that simply cannot rest. I guess biologically, that's how we were built. To be on our toes, to be alert, to be ready. But the question still lingers..."Be ready for what, exactly?" Ahhh, the anxiety and innate curiosity the future brings.

Drawing a mental picture, it seems that you try to protect yourself from the looming Unknown but at same time, you render yourself utterly vulnerable by trying to take in everything. Unfiltered. So real. In motion. And there you are in middle of two seemingly opposing forces. And there you lay more perplexed. And that is how I feel. So overwhelmed. Like a tidal wave. That in one swift encompassing motion, stuns me. Drowning. An overkill.

Beautiful.

Free of regret.

And in processing everything that's happened, I've come up with fragmented happy pieces. And the giddy emotions and the vivid memory re-makes. But for sure, in my moment of drowning, in that moment of confusion and shock, I've learned to love even more, to give more generously, to live more passionately, to laugh even louder, smile more sincerely, and to hope unrelentingly because on my way to recovering those little bits and pieces, I've become someone I've never thought I could be at this point. More mature perhaps. But definitely, someone braver who'll face the Unknown with the knowlegde that I'm living the way I wanted to be.

In the middle of all this hum-drum, I'm happy I lost myself somewhere.

Tomorrow may be crap. But I've come too far, why stop?