Well for starters today was officially a badddd day! Last week my aunt was diagnosed with cancer and they didnt give her but like 2 months if that... now they are saying maybe a week. So me my mom and my other aunt went to visit her in the hospital. It was so heartbreaking, she looked terrible she can't eat and everytime she drinks something she gets sick. So as soon as I walked in the room I started squalling. So I walked out of the room to get myself back under control, but when I walked out there was an older lady in the room beside my aunt and she was yelling out like she could see her mom and dad again (keep in mind I was in the hospice unit) and it was pitiful so it made me cry even worse. But today wouldn't have been as bad if my granny wouldnt have died a couple of years ago. She was practically my mom and to this day it still haunts me because I can see her in her hospital bed hooked up to the machine tha was breathing for her. And my aunt looked just like that today. and they look just alike so it made it worse. Then when we left my mom wouldnt even talk to me.. and she still hasnt yet except to tell me that law and order svu was on. So that is making me even worse. I just feel like I am losing everyone. I have lost so many friends over the past year. It sucks so bad...but I will be ok. Im a strong girl and I can get through anything. But I am done crying. I will not cry anymore, I refuse to. I want to be cold and not cry. I cant take it anymore. It feels like all I have done is cry. But I will be fine. and I am sorry for whining. But I just had to let me feelings out. And if anyone is still reading this really long post then God Bless you.

please pray for my aunt.

thanks.