Hello! :)

Sorry for my last blog... :P We all know that I have uncontrolled wish to come here, when I am drunk... :P Besides, where else would I go? :P

Small updates:

Work: Nothing new... I just sit there in the office, and read... They just give me things to read like back then on college... They don't give me some bigger things to do, because I don't have practice! :| But, how I will learn things in practice when I read only? :( Kazakhstan: still nothing... Simply, at first, there were no women free places in camp, and now, there is no room at all! Everything is full, because some big jobs are being done there... :( I am so mad about that, they promised me I will go there in April!!! I lost my will to go on work, I have been late few times, they haven't said anything, but I could see it in their eyes... :lol: But, truly, I don't want to disappoint them... :(

Ex: Well, we are better now, I mean, he is better, he calls me every day these days, but I think it is because of my dog... :P

Life&Health&other things:P: Oh, my... I am so with myself here, that I allowed my OCD to come back... I don't think I ever told you, but, besides the usual effects OCD has, I was constantly convincing myself that I have some serious diseases, like cancer, especially leukemia, aids, and everything which is bad. No, I was not from those ppl who go to doctor all the time, I never wanted to go to check myself, because I thought: Well, ok, I will live as long as I live, will know it, (diagnosis) when end should be.

The reason for all that is that I am in constant conflict with myself, at the same time I think I am good, smart, generous, but also I think I am evil, think too much about myself only, and that because of that I don't deserve all these good things I have, so, it is impossible that everything is so good, there has to be something that will ruin me, something which I cannot defeat... Guess... Illness... :( So, I can't sleep sometimes, or when someone is with me, I can't talk because I see something in me that is ill... And, when I am alone, I even start to panic, to shake and to cry, like: Why do I have to have cancer? Oh, silly, you don't have it! Well, what if I do? What am I going to do then? I don't want to die...You won't die, you are perfectly health... But, what if I...

And so on and on... It can last for few hours even... I don't like to read about those stuff, or hear about them, and every time I see or hear that someone young died from some illness, I start to panic... :(

I was good when I was using medicines, but, I was lacking in conversation with my therapist... (she was too busy...:P)... So, I think I will go to some private clinic this time...

I don't want to be unhappy because of that... I want to know reason for all this... I don't want to waste my time, energy and mental health on thinking about those things...

Besides that, I think I am in love, again! :D With Lt.Cmdr Data! :lol: He is smart, he is strong, he is cold, he is an android!!! :D

And, as I said, I have a new puppy... :) I am so happy... He doesn't listen to me at all, but, he is still a baby... He is ruining my carpet! :lol:

:)

 

:roll: He is so cute when he sleeps... :)

P.S. The title is not implying that I am smart.

Ok, later! :P

I am more stupid with every passing day.

My Chocolate Labrador puppy, he is 2 months old. His name is Obi, (after Obi Van, (or One) Kenobi.)

 

Later! ;) 

Hello, my friends! :)

I hope you haven't forgot me, cuz I haven't disappeared from your lives if you hoped for that! :twisted:

So, I was kinda busy, well, whole last week I had visitors and was moving around...(around my bed and fridge). :|

No, seriously, I was quite in the move, last weekend my best friend, Marijana and her mom came, (don't be surprised about mom thing, the woman is more active then any of us, looks better, was in town with her friends till late, while Marijana and I were sleeping, :?), we were on Fruska Gora, that is one small, (the only one) mountain in Vojvodina, (part of the Serbia, where I live now), it was really beautiful! I really love spending time in nature, (if getting me out of house wouldn't be mission impossible:P)... So, here are few pics...;)

It is good being on sunshine... :roll:

Sitting on the tree... :D

I am pony. :|

Then, at the middle of the last week, my ex came here, :), we spent two nice, well, ok days... He seems ok, but things shouldn't be rushed... ;)

And, this weekend, my best friend from college came, we were into another town to visit our other friend from college, and on our heading back to Novi Sad, we were to one little town more, to watch American Football, (not rugby), game, in which were playing my brother and my ex, too...:D

No big deal... :roll:

Finally, I got my March payment, quite big, :D, and I bought few stuffs for me, and I bought washing machine. :|

Yep, my grown life officially started. :|

Still, I am sad, cry a bit every day, :|, not in the mood for coming here a lot, sorry for not posting in your blogs... :(

Karsha, I wish you happy birthday once more, sorry I didn't do it properly, I am lousy friend, yep, that's me... :(

But, you are really good friend and thank you for thinking on me and stepping by to ask how I am doing. :) I wish you all the best! ;)

At Friday, I am going home, I will stay there few days, I can't wait. :) I am really lonely here...............

And, that is what made me make one, could be said, big decision, I AM GETTING MARRIED!!!(again) :D

Nah...:P I'll just get a dog... ;)

So, if you have any ideas, especially you, Sithy, if you are reading this, which dog could I have? I don't want some too much hairy dog, not too big and the one who is not barking a lot...(maybe I should get a toy-dog, :|). It is because I live in the apartment, also, which is not mine, (apartment). So, if you have any ideas, I would love to hear them. :)

Thanks! ;)

Loves and kisses for everyone!!! :D

 

:roll:... I wrote "Danita" intentionally...

 

Well, from where to start?...

The younger ones won't understand this pretty well, but, I know exactly who will... ;)

 

So, my ex... :(

I admitted everything to him, how I cheated on him and did other evil things... :(

I did that because I couldn't hold it in myself anymore, and because I realized that I want him, and that I love him, so, if maybe, one day, we would be together again, I wanted him to know everything... :(

 

And, what happens next?

Well, let me just tell that cheating wasn't the worst thing I did to him, so you can just imagine the others... :(

So, I cried a bit, I cried a lot, but nothing, (even if I did it just to have effect on him, but, I didn't), could make him to believe me, because this is the 1000000000000000000th time that I do that, cry, and ask for forgiveness... :(

So, he told me he will think about everything, and on me is just to let him go, not to call him and cry over the phone and similar things... :cry:

But, the point is, that all this made me see, that he actually stopped loving me, or at least, stopped loving me like before, and, no, I don't think it happened now, like I said, it made me see that that happened in last 6 months, while we were just "friends", even before I told him this... :(

So, I am pretty scared, I cry a lot, and I am totally f*cked up... :(

But, I knew this will happen... The only thing I was ever afraid, was that I will realize one day that he is actually what I want, and that it will be too late, so I will spend my life with someone irrelevant, or with no one, instead of being with him... :(

 

Why did I do all those bad things, how could I be so evil constantly, 3 years???

I will never understand that. :(

I am kinda in the mood that I think I would quit everything, my great job, my great career, go back to Smederevo and be with him, only if he would ask so... :(

Like I told once, in some of my old, (older) blogs, all problems I ever had were caused by me, and only me... :(

 

On the other hand, I found out today, that I will receive big money these days from firm, like late payment for March, and that I will have pretty big payment, much more than I hoped for...

I start to think maybe it is not so good for me living alone... :(

 

See ya! :cry: 

 

Yeah!!! :D

No more slow connections!!! :D

Anyways, tomorrow going home, to Smederevo, will be there till Monday... :D

I can't wait to see my friends and family, and my ex, too... ;)

I am so low with money, I will not receive payment soon... :(

I already borrowed 500 euros, to start living here, will have to borrow 500 more...

And, that is bad, knowing that my payment will be around 300 euros, and my apartment with bills costs around 250 euros monthly... :?

Plus, I think I won't be going to Kazakhstan soon... :(

But, I will not worry about money... I know it will be better... ;)

Nothing new, just wanted to say bye for now, and to show pictures of my cat... :)

This is Toma, when he was small... :)

We called him like that because he is the same color like Tom, from Tom & Jerry... :)

And, this is Toma now... :)

By the way, he is female, but I prefer him to be male. :|

That is all!!! :)

I love you all, I kiss you all. :|

 

That's it... I had very boring birthday... :P

Well, it is only boring because I always expect too much of everything... :P

So, only one friend came, there is her picture below, Zorana is her name...

Something for older ppl :P: In Serbia, situation is like this... Very few "older" ppl are going out to clubs or discotheques... And, that is mostly the reason why I go out so rarely... Except, when there are a lot of us and in a pretty good mood... :)

Otherwise, all you can see in the evenings are the ones from 15-20 years old... :?

You see, here are no such laws, or they are certainly not obeyed, that those who are younger than 18 can't buy alcoholic drinks, or go to the clubs... :? I know, it was fine by me when I was younger, but now, I hate that...

This wouldn't be a problem if older ppl like me would still have desire to go out, clubbing, dancing, drinking, they just go and sit in some cafe, have few drinks then go home.. :?

But, I still like to dance and go wild!!! :cry:

:|

So, Smolle, if you ever planned to visit Serbia, forget about good fun... :P Except if you are fine with young meat... :P Oh, wait, who isn't??? :lol:

Just joking! ;)

Of course, that wasn't the only and main reason why I got bored... I just realized that and have to limit my expectations from now on... :P

I don't know, somehow I wasn't in the mood... :?

I miss Smederevo, I miss Belgrade... :(

Anyways, still nothing new, still watching Star Trek like crazy... :P

And, few pictures, just to make this blog a bit interesting... :P

Here is me, at my 25th birthday... No matter how bored I am, I do not miss opportunity to fool around a bit... :P

I look here like some fat, drunk middle age woman... :P

:|

And, after we came home, I decided to make something like this... :|

 

 

 

 

 

 

I changed places to our lips and eyes... :|

I look like I just came back from lips plastic surgery!!! :lol:

That would be all... :P

See ya! :)

Hello!!! :D

I don't know why I made this new blog, since nothing important or interesting happen... :P

Work: I enjoy it!!! The main office is in Belgrade, and here are only few engineers, which are so funny and good ppl... They are really trying about me to get me more familiar with the job... :)

I think I will tomorrow finally find out how big my payment will be... :P I do not expect too much, since I am begginer, but I am sure they will give me enough to smoke... :P

Love: :P

Nothing new... I do not go out, I do not meet ppl, and I am just fine... :)

But, there was annoying thing that happen today... You remember that Peter, from the embassy... Well, he came back from London, sent me e-mail, and everything was ok and friendly... I replied to him, and I don't know how, but somewhere I mention I just want us to be friends, (which is true).

He replied something like: You can't make commitments like that, who knows, maybe you will start to like me one day, blah, blah... And, then, he said:

"The funny thing is, I didn't get the impression that you wanted us "just to be friends." Remember that kiss that almost happened? Your eyes wanted it, but something stopped you. Somehow you seem to be slightly afraid of your own emotions. Perhaps you were unlucky in previous relationships. Free yourself. Live life. You're smart, independent, beautiful, young - and you don't want to make the most of those things??"

:|

That really pissed me off!!! I answered:

".................. That kiss that almost happen??? When, and where? If you think on that thing that happen when you were in Novi Sad... I think I moved my head quite clearly, without thinking. I do not make commitments of any kind to anyone, I just know that friendship is the only thing you will ever get from me. Simply, because I know I will never like you in that way... I know the guys I like... So, if you are hoping for anything more, stop it right away. Sorry for maybe being cruel, but this is only because I am totally honest person and, trust me, I am not ashamed saying or doing anything I want.... You think I wouldn't find time before to see with you? Or that I would wait for you to make first move and try to kiss me? Oh, no way... When I want something, I say it, I do it. Plus, I live my life even more I should to. So, you know where I am, this e-mail is only to clarify some things, and we can move on like nothing happened. If you can and want to be just friend with me, without any hopes and tries, I would love that."

And, then, he said, that he will be honest too, and that he is not interested really in friendship with girls, he just wants: "...the most wonderful thing in the world, the sensation and bliss of sexxx."

:|

And, lot of other "macho-stuff"... :P

On which I replied shortly, something like, no wonder he doesn't succeed anywhere with that approach, and as soon as someone refused him, he started to act like some macho, who can't be touched, or anything, just wants fun, and blah, blah, blah...

I wrote few stuff more in there, and, actually I told him to GTFO. :P

What an idiot!!! My eyes wanted it???? Ewww................. :P

I still don't believe there are ppl like this one is... Why change your story when you are refused??? You will look just like some pathetic idiot, who can't stand that he is not likable to some ppl...

Aaahhh...

And, that neighbor, nothing from him, which is great!!! :D

Anyways, at this Sunday, it is my BIRTHDAY!!! 25th.... :P

My two best female friends will come from Smederevo,we will make some small party with lots of beer, and then we will go out, to some club, or anywhere, and they will sleep over at my place here. Well, I hope, if something doesn't happen that night... :P

I will take a pic of three of us, and post it in my birthday blog... :D

I think we will have fun, since we do not know anyone here, we are totally new... 8).... :P

Anyways, the rest: Eating, going to work, eating, eating, watching Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes on DVD, which I borrowed from friend... :) 13 DVD's!!!! Lot to watch!!! :D

See ya! :)

Oh, and pictures:

My nose looks so big here... :roll: :P

I looked much better with blond hair. :(

Bye!!! :)

P.S. Karsha, thank you! ;)

Nothing too much, just few of my thoughts...
I saw with my ex, again...
I don't know if I (still) love him... :?
If you can call it a love...
Cheating, everything is more important than him, never thinking about him, not even when he is beside me, breaking up with him all the time... :(

Yeah, you must say: "Ok, don't you ever love me!"... :P

But, now, when I am not with him in the relationship, we have a great time together, and I want to spend a time with him.
This week I will probably move, so, chances to forget about him are pretty big... But, I am not sure if I would like to forget about him. :? 
Long time ago, the plan was us to live together, but, knowing me, I think it would be a disaster...
I don't want to be with him again and leave him again. :(
I can't do that to him.

Oh, well, what am I saying?
I said too much about something I care, and I rarely do that. :?

Oh, well, I just woke up, waiting for my scholarship to come on my bank account and to go to spend some money... :P
Drinking coffee, smoking, getting fat... :P
Just a usual boring day, and one more boring blog too... :P


Oh, don't you like beer? :P
:P:P:P

Hi there! :)
I hope you're ok! ;)

Umm... So what's new? :roll:
Well, that guy who I just mentioned in my previous blog... I had a date with him, but it ended so bad... :P
We are not in contact anymore... :P
First I was pissed of on him, now on me, cuz I said I won't meet anyone new, because you have just one more problem after...
No, don't worry, (if you worry at all, :P), I am not sad, I didn't like him enough to be sad now... ;)

Anyways, I changed my haircut and color... :P
I used to do that before very often, but I was blond for almost 8 months, with same haircut... :?
I was kinda worry about the change, but then I thought: Hey, when was that a problem? :P
My hair is clean on the picture, :P, but it should be more wild and shaggy... :P
I hope you like it, if you don't, who cares??? ;)



Next week I am going to Novi Sad to find new apartment... :?
Wish me luck! :P

My mentor told me he will send me of to Kazahstan's oil field, where my company maintain some wells and that I will spend there month or two... Can't wait! It means great practice and, of course, lot of money!!! :D

That would be all.
See ya! ;)

:lol:
The title is from Pharaoh... If you click on ppl, they say something nice if they are happy, and they complain if they are not, and all that with funny voices...
It is clear that the one from the title is from the juggler... :P

I was talking about moving to another city like centuries ago :P, and now I think that day is coming really soon...
When I was at Friday on my work, I was suppose to go with IT manager to Novi Sad, (the city where my future office is), and he was going there by his work and I came with him just to see how do things look there...
Novi Sad is far from Belgrade about 100 km, not much, and we were going by his car... In the moment we entered Novi Sad, his cellphone rang and he got direct order from the owner of our firm to immediately turn around car and go back to Belgrade... :P
So we did it, and all that trip was for nothing... The city won't trade... (again from Pharaoh from other town trader, :P).
I hope we will go next week.

Karsha, you know that party at the embassy? Well, one of the guys I met there, called me, and we're kinda together now.. :?
Oh, and no sign of a brick-guy... :P That chicken!!! :x

Sly, you will get your reward as soon as I think what it will be... :P

Ben, umm... I don't know what would I say to you, except that I am glad we talk again. :)

Now when I mentioned all of my great number of friends, (one of you told me that quality is better then quantity, :)), I can go back to Egypt now. :)

See ya! ;)