F**s sake! i miss her! God! what was i thinking! I am my own worst enemy! she went to paris for a week and i couldnt keep my hands off the first girl that came along. But why should i care, we are not going out, so what we have been on and off for three years, yeah soshes the only girl i have ever been happy with, andso what if shes gorgeous and worth more to me than anything in the world. So What! F**k! argh! im just so fouled off with this girl! I cant believe how much we argue these days, how much we bring up the past and taunt each other. This girl means every thing to me. Like most of the time shes doing my head in about something i have done or are surely going to do and so im just angry with her but i would much rather have her yelling at me or moaning at me than not talking to me because as soon as she is not in my life im just not quite -complete? for some reason this girl is sucha huge part of me, but i just dont get why i cant stop thinking about her, why??? i think about her just a little bit every day, why??? i have thought about her just a little bit for the last two years! I just dont get what it is about her, ok well physically speaking shes perfect... which begs the question why does she even talk to me let alone "like" me. But its more than the fact that she could be on front covers its just how she is...? shes like iduno so special and when im with her im tottaly at ease like i dont have to be fake. I can just be me and potter about and just be with her. Maybe that sounds odd but thats just how it is we just sorta fit together. Mmmm... but we have come so far and now im not sure if i still "love" the girl. Shes a woman now for Christs sake! and im just the same, kinda goofy, kid i was two years ago. I feel like alot of this is my fault though. I have kissed so many girls since her thats its not even funny! like its an insult to her. Shes had like a few"boys" and a serious boy friend andi have been partying hard, clubbin and gettin with "drunken hot girls" and now shes going university in a year and ive still got a whole nuva year at college and i just dont want to lose her. I just know if she walks out of my life i will always regret it. I can remeber every time we have been together, every kiss, even the completly mad name of her cat! why does this girl mean the world to me?

My dvd player and below it my ancient vcr sit piled in dust beneath my tv. i havent used them in months, i keep buying old xbox games and just ploughing through them so my xbox sits clean and litterd with disks. behind me there are well over fourty dvds from saving private ryan to band of brothers and even black hawk down and they sit just as dusty as there counter part players. films just bore me these days all i want to do wen i see a good film is jump in and start gunning people down or driving like a pro. my tv has proably seen more input from my xbox and the brief time it was hooked up to my now ebayed 360 than actauly tv and films put together. it just bothers me that i cant sit still infront of a film without pulling out my laptop and trying to find a game some where on my hard drive that allows me to do what going on in the film. i remeber star wars the triolgy was channel 3 and i just grabbed my old copy of galactic battle grounds and played that with the film in the back ground. it just bothers me that games are just that much better than movies, films dont draw you like they used to. arrr never mind!