Well I just pitched my idea to the radio and television department at Ryerson University, and it didn't make it. I'm sad, sure, but at the same time I'm kind of relieved. It would have been a lot of responsibility and hard work to go through what I had in mind, even though it would have been really cool in the end, and I was really excited, I really was. Right now I feel crushed, I really set my heart on this, and i was practicing that speech everyday for 2 weeks. But I have to learn not to take this personally. This doesn't mean it was a bad idea, or that I'm a bad public speaker, it was just one pitch. I know it was at least an okay idea, since a couple of people said they liked it, and one guy even said he would join my group if it made it through the judges. But I have to realize there are others who are in my position, mourning the crushed dreams that they nurtured for so long. Right now I'm nervous, all the groups that made it through the judges are incredibly ambitious, and I really want to be useful to them. As long as I work hard in whatever position I get, it'll be okay. And I can't be embarrased by my flopped pitch, no one's going to remember it anyways. Hell, one of the judges was a professor I had before, and the entire class laughed at him when he accidentally showed pr0n from his personal computer on a powerpoint presentation, but no one remembers it now, and he's every bit as confident since that day anyway. I guess I just need to relax. I'm just going to relax and try not to beat myself up about it. I really don't deserve self-loathing right now, anyone would say that. I should be proud that I had the courage to go up there and make a godamn speech, and take a risk. You don't get anywhere without risks. It's going to be okay, I'm going to be part of something bigger than myself, and I'll do a good job and pass everything and graduate, maybe then I'll be able to see my girlfriend again.