This is gonna basically just gonna be me venting my problems, sorry if I get all depressing on you guys.

The last couple of weeks my grandads been real ill, like, he's basically on deaths door, don't get me wrong he's 89, so he's had a good life. But I just hate seeing him how he is, he's not the same strong man I used to remember. He's had two suspected strokes in the last 3 weeks and he spends all day asleep. He's started getting irrational fears, like he's scared to go in his bedroom as its where his last stroke happened. In case you were wondering my grandad is on my dads side of the family, he's my last remaining grandparent and I don't wanna lose him.

To make matters worse, my dad got made redundant today, yep, he lost his job :( i know its happening to alot of people due to the recession, but I dunno I guess i always thought my dad would be Ok, he's pretty upset. I feel so bad for him, he's lost his job and his dad is really ill, I just dont know how to make him feel better. In addition to all this my mum has been really upset and so have I, you see in 4 days time, its the anniversary of my grandmas death, I miss her like hell, I used to see her every day and she was like a mother to me. I wish there was a way I could see her again :(.

I've also been really busy with assignments so I havent seen my girlfriend as much as I'd like, she didn't really get why I couldnt see her, we had a bit of a talk but now she realises that I've gotta prioritise my uni work. Also, she knows why i've been down and is being really understanding, seriously, I'm so glad I have her. 'the last couple days I've been finding it really hard to muster the energy to make my way to uni, so I've missed a bunch of lectures...I dunno I guess I'm just depressed atm.

Anyone on here that knows me, understands that I'm not normally all doom and gloom like this. I'm just having a tough time atm and need to keep with it for my families sake and hopefully come out the other hand in a happier mood.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not some emo punk who slits their wrist or any of that $hit. You gotta turn the negatives into positives and take each day as it comes.

Anyways I hope I've not depressed you guys, I actually feel better for talking about this stuff. Hopefully my next blog will be a bit brighter.

When hostility and darkness are your only opponents,

Cherish your honesty, your grace and embrace the moment,

Thwart the negative feelings that are clouding your thoughts,

And remember that a battle lost, is still a battle fought,

So don't you ever give up with your trying,

You're wasting your time withall of this crying,

Tears are an after thought of an unwanted emotion,

Stirring deep inside you causing such a commotion,

Embrace the positives of life and look out for each other,

Keep on fighting for life because we don't get another,

So please don't you ever give up on existing,

I'm urging you to persist with persisting,

It might seem that life is stacked up against you,

But smile and keep trying thats all you can do,

It might seem hard now, but just empty your mind,

Of horrors and pains and I'm sure that you'll find,

A heaven that's encaged in a mind that's so plagued,

Stand strong against the demons, now, you must be brave,

Life is so precious, try to remain positive,

Life is so fragile, we only have one to live...

It's just a little something I wrote incase anyone else has got problems, it aint a poem or w/e its just some words that happened to rhyme a bit....I dunno.... look...Just read it lol.