I went bowling today with my girlfriend and our itemed friends, so...a double date, I guess. Well, to say we went bowling would be more of a stretch than an olympic gymnast, we went to an area where bowling could arise. We forgot it was half term, and all the lanes were taken by screeching primary schoolers and stroppy take-themselves-too-seriously teens.

I bought my girlfriend some candy floss. I've never really had one before so I gave it a try. How I spent a quid on this I don't know. The damn stuff would disolve into thin bloody air before you even get to taste it. I even tried to get a big piece and chew it really fast, but that just ended up with a mouthful of crunchy sugar.

Half term is here, like I said before. I don't get one because I'm in uni, but the kids hang around the town centre which I have to walk through to get to campus. It's a wonderful array of collective personas, each one as silly as the last. We have:-

• Faux Skaters - Skaters I'm fine with, it's a decent hobby. But let's just get one thing clear - standing around holding a skateboard for hours on end doesn't make you a skater. It makes you a shelf. There's a group of around 10-13 skaters near the traffic lights and for the life of me, I can't recall the last time I saw any of them use one.

• 8 year old gangstas - Your walk is so exaggerate, your shoulders are at risk of scraping on the floor. Undoubtedly weaker than me, but I still wouldn't want to fight them. I mean, do you hit an 8 year old?

• Faceless fillers - Clothes bought at Topman and Topshop, nothing extravagant. Serves no other purpose than to clutter the pavements and shopping centres. Specialty is dropping anchor in the middle of a crowded area, usually in groups.

• Chavs - Everyone knows them, everyone hates them. They've taken to wearing scarves like cowboy bandanas recently. In a group at least one will be on a bike, and two will be carrying a menacing bottle of Fanta.

• Creepy Lolitas - 13 year old girls who smoke to make them look older and try to chat up older lads. The creepy part is that it works very well on the Chavs.

• Caffein virgins - My personal favourite. These lot have just experienced their first Grande Cappucino and are buzzed to high heavens. Once in a blue moon will freak out when they get the shakes and the chaotic beauty is an absolute treat to behold.