So I've got my text editor and terminal open, reading my tutorial in PDF form when I come across:

"Age 22. Found a beetle in my bathroom that was just about to fall into a heating vent. Swiped him up. Tailored him a little backpack out of a leaf and a thread. In the backpack: a skittle and a AAA battery. That should last him. Set him loose out by the front gate."

What the hell did I just read?