I have eaten so many fruit rollups that my stomache is aching and my tongue is blue :P

Been listening to Disturbed, First to Last, Slipknot, The Devil Wears Prada, Saliva, and some other stuff....... This post is going to bea serious rant because I am pissed the Eff off :) And if anyone is under 18 and can't handle the truth, then I'd advise you turn your eyes elsewhere. I just needed to get a few things off my chest.

First of all.. People really piss me off. What the crap is wrong with you? You have so much that you have no frigggin reason to be depressed! Why the hell can't you just accept what God has blessed you with? Why do people always want more? And what is the deal with getting pissy over nothing. I'm not allowed to be nice to you because you had a bad day? Good grief, get over yourself. And seriously if I could sit around and do nothing, well I wouldn't. Because that is just pure LAZY! There isn't a darn thing wrong with you. Wonder why your so freaking depressed? Take a look in the mirror and take a good look at yourself. You sit around and do nothing all the time. Yeah so what games are fun, and I don't just mean the video game kind,but it's not a life to live. There are so many people in my life I wish could read this because I'm over it. My mother, she's bipolar. She is schizophrenic. Try living with that. Try growing up in that kind of environment. She sits on her butthiding in her room everyday and does nothing because she's depressed.My father, sits in front of the computer 24/7, wonder why he's not happy?If you're not happy with your life get up off your lazy bum and do something about it!!Try being a child in Africa and other countries where they are taught war and death when they are still too young to understand And their parents die from diseases such as AIDS and Malnutrition! They can't do anything about their situation butYOU CAN!I mean, this country has so much to live for and yet it's not enough. I'm so freakin sick of the depression and complaining. And all the bitterness that comes with it. I used to be like you. And Thank God I grew up. Thank goodness I found my way out of the madness before it consumed me like it has consumed you. Can't you see that I love you? That I want you to be happy? that I'm trying to help you? But you keep pushing me away and I can't do it anymore. I'm done. I'm done with being the good guy and pretending everything is ok. I used to care what you thought, you meant everything to me. But now that I know I mean nothing to you......It breaks my heart but I won't dwell on you or your 'problems'.And I don't even want to see your face. I don't want to hear your voice. So I'll stop waiting around for you to grow up and do something with your life. I'm moving on with mine. Even if it hurts, even if I lose you, I don't think I ever had you. And no, this isn't to just one person but read it and understand that I'm done playing games. I'm too old for the bull crap, too old for the drama. It's sorry that I thought you were too old for it too....But I guess some people never grow up. I'm tired of wasting my tears for you people. I'll pray for you, but I won't let you drag me down.

To my mother with whom I hope never reads this:

I'm doing something with my life. I'm going places. And maybe you never taught me to love myself, maybe you never taught me to be strong, maybe you never taught me to have control, but some one did. And it's messed up it took 18 yearsfor me tofind that someone.It's just sad that it wasn't you. I looked up to you, even when I watched you beat my sister and she doesn't even remember it. When I watched you take drugs. When you threw us out of the house and locked your self in, attempting suicide. When you called me names and said I was a dog, I wasnt good enough. I still loved you. So why didn't you ever love me? And you alwasy said I wasn't good enough, I was too stupid to ever be anything. When I watched you and daddy fight and throw things, like that 10 pound ashtray that went through the window, did you ever stop to think of us? What kind of parent are you? So you think that 22 years and everything is all right? That you can act like you love me? That all of a sudden you want to be involved? I'm sorry thatw as your mistake. You should have thought about that when you were getting doped up with your drug buddies and setting such a good example for your children. And when I was 12everytime I got sick we headed to the doctor.Kimberly must be pregnant, Well guess what? I never was. And I never had sex. Sothank you for making me feel like a slut even though I wasnt.Just because my friends were doing it didnt mean I was. I was a good kid.And you've got my sister brain washed. She can't figure out why I hate your house, why I can't be in the room with you for long periods of time. Why I dont have much to say. She thinks its ook because your sick. Yeah, your sick but that doesnt excuse everything that you've done. And you know what I haven't vented this much in awhile and it feels hella good. And you know what? I still love you. And I forgive you......But I still wish I could say thanks for being there for me..But you weren't.

To my dadddy: You're a good dad. But you could have been better. You've spent too many freaking years hating, and dwelling on how much you dispise my mother. Get over it! Your a grown man. You can't let other people ruin your life. It's no wonder your depressed. I used to feel sorry for you but not anymore. It's your fault that your where you are..

To the both of them : I refuse to be like you.

Anyways:

I don't know what set me off but it did. And I feel better. And I'm glad that Jesus taught me better and taught me all the things they never did.

:) And I could go on but I love my life right now. And I'm happy. And yes, I may need to vent everynow and again. I'm only human you know.

And that whole first paragraph wasn't just for them there are a few friends it's directed towards too. Good thing i forgive and forget easy otherwise I'd be angry tomorrow too. But I won't stay angry.But don't expect me to call, or text, or IM or well anything for a few days. I need to think. And I need to not talk tothose few peopleright now becausethey make me angry.I think I hate you, but I love you. It's my own personal tragedy :) And if you really read all of that, congrats lol. Comment as you must. haha