1.On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

2.On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

3.On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

4.On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion.)

5.On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): Don 't turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

6.On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

7.On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

8.On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

9.On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm taking this because???...)

10.On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to... what?)

11.On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

12.On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

13.On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh... fly Delta?)

14.On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

15.On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (OMG...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)