Never have I seen a film that began so quickly and ended so quickly. Also, never have I seen a film with not even the least tiny bit of character development. I'm telling you, there is no character development in here whatsoever. Because there was no character development, I found myself not caring for anybody. Because I found myself not caring for anybody, I could never seem to memorize any of their names, not one. No matter how many times they yelled it into their microphones, I just never seemed to memorize any of the character's names, and that, is when you know you have a horrible film on your hands. Poseidon was so poorly done I don't even know where to begin, and it's a surprise because you would of thought the director of such films like Das Boot or The Perfect Storm would know his way around water movies, but no, Wolfgang Petersen flops the whole remake. To begin, I've never watched the original Poseidon Adventure, but after seeing this, I have no desire to. As I stated in the opening sentence, the movie began quickly, way too quickly. I mean in the first 6 minutes or so, that boat is already flipped over by bad and tacky special effects. Ok, I'm sorry, I'm probably being a little too harsh, dreadful and shameful special effects are used in Poseidon. I mean, I've seen better special effects on a made-for-television special airing on Lifetime! I've seen enough movies to know that special effects can be better than what Poseidon has to offer. Awful, just awful is the word used to describe not only the special effects, but the whole movie. I mean, who wrote this script? There is nothing good in here at all, I mean that, at all. Wolfgang Petersen had a good idea on his hands, but messed it all up. Ok, the story you are now wondering. Ok, there are these people on this boat named Poseidon, hence the title. If you were reading the beginning of my review, you would've known that I didn't memorize not one of the characters' names, you know that's true. Please forgive me if I use "that guy" or "that girl." Well, there's this guy (Josh Lucas), another guy (Kurt Russell), this girl (Emmy Rossum), this old guy who is gay (not kidding, and he's Richard Dreyfuss), this other girl and this little kid, oh yeah, and this other guy (Kevin Dillon). Again, I apologize for using "this guy" and "this girl." Oh yeah.....Jennifer, that's Emmy Rossum's name. Ok, I remembered one person's name, now for the other few. Just to be clear, Richard Dreyfuss' character in the movie is gay for actually no reason, I don't know why, well anyway he tried to kill himself before the tidal wave hit, I also don't know why, do you know why? It's because Wolfgang Petersen forgot two little words while making this trash: character development! Yeah, so when the boat flips over, Josh Lucas' character (who's a little too smart for his own good) thinks he's all tough and smart and gathers up this random group and they start trying to head off the ship. Yes, Josh Lucas thinks he can get off a ship that just been flipped over by an unrealistic tidal wave surrounded by special effects that's now underwater, way to be optomistic Josh! Well anyway, Josh Lucas' character is so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so ,so, so, so, so, so, so, soooooooo smart. He is so, so, so smart! Why is he that smart? I mean this guy will take one look at a room filled with water and know what to do! How is he that smart? Oh yeah, we don't know because Wolfgang Petersen forgot character development! Thanks Wolfgang! Because of you, I have no idea why these characters are like this. Ok, so Josh Lucas' character is so stupidly smart you just want to go up to shoot yourself. This guy knows what to do anywhere anytime, he's like Dr. Phil! Oh yeah, and then you got Kurt Russell who is.....what's her name....Jennifer's dad who has a fiancee that he hates, sounds like a sitcom. Well, apparently, his character had a wife who died and I think he was mayor from what Kevin Dillon said. But we will never know because Wolfgang Petersen forgot those two words...can you repeat after me: character development. Oh, and you got this loud and annoying little kid they're dragging along who is not even afraid that they are all at risk at dying! You also have no emotional sentiment and unrealistic stunts that look stupid. The whole movie is just a ugly-looking bore with no character development, almost no story, and faked feelings+characters that I seemed to have no feel for at all. Poseidon was hugely disappoointing and very unsatisfying and I apologize for my review being so repetitive and unfunny, but I am just going crazy for paying $9.50 for the second-worst film of the year by far. Do I recommend Poseidon? No, absolutely not, avoid it at all costs, I am urging you. It looks bad, It flows bad, It begins bad, It ends bad, it is bad. It's not slow, it's too fast, yeah, I never had a film that's like that: too fast. I felt like Poseidon should have had more, a lot more, of well everything. You see, character development is one of the key things you need in a movie, if you don't have character development, you don't have a movie, and if you don't have decent-looking special effects, that can also be bad. Poseidon is horrible and very, very poorly done. This is a disaster of a disaster movie. My grade for Poseidon: F