sometimes the idea of depression is misconstrunned to being down or gloomy, but thats nothing like it. it s more of a sneaky commando that implants his tiny clones into every epth of your concious, sabatasing your work effort, crippleing your idea of self worth, tearing through your ignorant views on reality, and giving i\only dark ideas of salvation to the repair of your mind. being in depression doesnt appear to the victim or the bystanders as anything more than lazyness but it is much much more. digging yourself a pit of hatre and despair, and feeling guilty everytime you fail to gain the work ethic to do anything. To be frank, it is quite scary. I dont know how i resisted the sweet taste of a suicide. I dont know how i didnt go postal. i felt inferior and tried to do something about it but opression of others and self destruction. i hate that i cannot fix anything i create or i am faced with. my efforts screams fall on deaf ears in many ways. The hardest part of all is when you get out to not get back in. I have fallen back into remission after reaching the light, tumbling back into the darkest reaches of my mind. I feel as though no one understands me (which being weird and different doesnt help) and i know everyone hates me in at least one way. Its destroying me. I canot see myself at the end of this. then again ive been the bleak depressed where only apathy takes over. The apathetic depression feels worse up front but is nothing comapre to this. Im scared. Im scared of others. Im scared of my friends. Im scared of my family. Im scared of myself.... every time i try to escape from this it drags me down, yet deeper into my pit of wallowing. others treat me as though i was rubbish at their despense, every outlet to my anger turns out to backlash to causeing more, everythign that turns out fine to start with destroys me more than the other things.... i fell useless...alone...unwanted.... i fell unnessicary.... i feel dead....