Today had a funk to it, indescribeable but most of you will know what it was like. Everything felt saddening, and torn with reminishtion. I've been just sitting in my room the last couple of hours, ad a lot earlier in the day, just thinking and watching youtube, checking my facebook, etc.

Today I was really thinking about why anyone is entertained, it went from ranting on and on like a drunken lunatic about how I miss old games and such and how much better they are. After that I led myself into some Fallout to find that I am trapped at The Glow (definately my favorite part of the game, followed by the military base and the cathedral respectively)being far too radiated to survive a trek back, in thus I need to start over from a new file. After that there was a family get togather of both sides of my family. Lafitte was already at the movies with his girl and another firend of mine; I felt left out. The company we had over was a weird mi x that felt familiar but strewn randomly and torn. My cousin had one of her firends over that I couldn't tell if she was hitting on me or not. AFter that I started to head back into my room with my faithful kat (yes kat) and just watch youtube, read wikipedia (about mathematics, in exact complex numbers) and text a girl who likes me.

This all seems jobbled togather, yes it is, random maybe but needed to describe, yes. I have been thinking about what really draws us to doing anything; what could we be if we changed our pasts; and what I have been missing. 

Why do we play games? Do we enjoy it, do we pass time with it, do we enjoy it for its passing of time, do we enjoy it because we could never be in this position?.. so many questions.
How different would bwe be without the pain of regret, if we had done eerything right and been what we wanted ourselves to be?
How much of life has passed through my fingers, what could I be now?

I have really been missing some of the old days, I want to go back and watch some RE 2 or watch some old Final Fantasy, or play some Morrowind, most of all I miss having a good PC. I really just want to emerse into some old fun times, but thats impossible and unlikely that I would ever take a step in that direction because the dreams and memories reside as nearly being holy in my mind.

Also the women, I wish I had been more outgoing and met more peopl, I wish I could have been more well versed than I am now. I jsut want something to happen. I can hardly stand it anymore. This can be mixed in with the previous stuff I said, and also learning that a girl I used to know wanted to see me, which I hope is for the good.
I wish I were better friends with some people in general. New friends are hard to find, but thats being that I like friends to really be personal friends, people who like each other.


Most of all everything has felt unappealing, uninspiring, and just plain boring or saddening; its felt that way fr a while now, maybe a couple of weeks even. I might jsut be a tad depressed right now, I feel lonely, having no one around.