'Ello mellow yellow fellow. How art thou? Some things have happened. And Leilani's in that lovely grey area of life where she's pissed off most of the time, couldn't care less other times, and is happy for no reason in particular the rest of the time. This is a ramble, not a rant. You'll get one soon. Promise.

Let me start off with saying that I can tolerate some things. What I can not tolerate is a funky person. I mean if the person is homeless, the way they smell is not a priority. But if you have access to a working shower, towels, soap and shampoo who in their right mind would pass that up? That said, let me tell you something about a problem I have. Mkay? A family member combs her hair, but with my comb. I don't dig that. She showers, but bundle the wash cloth up so that it doesn't dry out all the way. That's not ok. She sleeps in her own clothes. That's not ok either. She eats all our food and she's picky. I wanna slap her on those days. But I can tolerate that, for the most part. What I can't is that she doesn't us deodorant. WTF world do you live in where you don't need it? Even if I did live in that world, I'd STILL use deodorant. Mkay? It drives me nuts! And I'm supposed to be the kewl cousin that doesn't judge and what not but if she doesn't get some act-right I might have to slap her with Secret. I handed her some and she was like 'are you saying I stink?' Me being the master of deflection said 'did you use any today?' I don't do smelly. And I need to tell her about herself ya know? Out of love. Because I will franjanjan anyone that's not family if they come at her stupid. That's just how I am. But I have no idea what to say.

I understand that I'm not working with the same equipment that guys do, so I don't understand the whole 'miss the toilet entirely' thing. But from conversations with a few guys, I understand that its sort of normal. Whatever. What isn't normal is for a full grown man to miss the seat, piss all over the toilet seat because he didn't put it up like he was supposed to, and to not flush the toilet. Did I mention that he doesn't clean up the missed piss? Oh I didn't. Well, he doesn't. Worst of all he did this in my bathroom, which is upstairs and right by my bedroom. I can smell the piss in my room, ok? That's nasty. He sleeps downstairs and there is a bathroom right next to it. He doesn't flush that toilet either. It stinks something nasty down there. And guess who gets blamed. Leilani Blank Reed. Yes mom, because I stand while I pee and piss all over the place. And I refuse to flush the toilet too. I dig taking a whiff of old piss, gets my juices flowing. Why should I clean up after him and his nasty piss? Sure, it's my bathroom and I'll clean it because its mine and I like it clean, but the downstairs bathroom is not my problem. I don't even use it.

Speaking of dear old mother figure, she made me feel like a waste of space a few days ago. Usually after times like that I sink into these stages: analyzing what she said, agreeing, self depreciation, depression, self mutilation. Usually I only get to depression before I get a pickmeup. Thankfully, Heather texted me 10 minutes after the whole thing and I only got to the analyzing stage. Anyway, I cried after I got the text. Why? Because I'm thankful. I'm thankful I have you guys to remind me that I matter. You guys remind me that someone does actually give two sh!ts about me and not going through the motions. It may seem strange that someone like me, who is usually the voice of encouragement to you guys, would break down and forget. I got a message from Lil at like 2am that same night, and I cried some more. You guys have no idea how grateful I am for all of you.

No, I did not just pull a Lil. Shut up.

I stayed with my dad last weekend. Good times. I missed him. We didn't get to talk about stuff we should have but it was still nice to be around him. His wife is the bomb diggidy sh!znit. I had the sudden urge to call her mom on Sunday. But I caught myself. It's a lot to think about, ya know? That's a big step to take. I've still got to think it over. I know if I asked her if I could call her mom she wouldn't mind. Mom is a big leap from Non Parental Unit, isn't it? I don't want to think that's its because what's going on with my actual mother. I have a ton of thinking to do.

My brother called me earlier and told me that they're having a boy instead of a girl, like what we all hoped for. But that's fine. I don't really care as long as mother and child are both healthy. And you (ya'll know who I'm talking about) stay the hell away from my nephews.

I miss Loki.

I think that's all for now.

Happy hunting ;)