I dont have to post all my thoughts this time around, the letter to myself pretty much does all that.

-Comfort from an unlikely source is the best kind

-He may brighten your day, but he may also darken it

-No one can take your joy unless you let them

-Pain is the body's way of tell you there is something wrong. The same goes for emotions.

You all know I have a Self. Call her a conscience or whatever. I just call her Self. Anyway, some things happened today and she wrote me a letter. I know, you're thinking 'That's not possible blah blah blah'. Well she did. And i think you all need to know why I put up with her sometimes. (No I'm not crazy)

Dear Leilani,

It would be stupid to ask how you're doing. I already know. I know people you thought you can count on left you in the dust. I know that you feel like there is no coming back from this. The only people you can trust share the same blood and even they talk sh!t. But they got you're back through thick and thin. Think about what Pat did for you, so that you could do for someone else. That's love, on both your counts. That is why people manipulate you. You love hard and without boundaries. You would give them the world if they asked. All they would have to do is reach out their hand and take it. Because that is what you offer, that is what you give.

Now you feel like you're second best. Placed at the bottom, lying wounded from forked tongued lies and betrayal. Do you think they know what kind of power they have over you? Do you even know? I'm sure you know now. You can't even trust your own shadow, so why do you trust so easily? Don't try to answer that because if you knew the answer I wouldn't have to ask. You trust the people you'll never know more than those who you see everyday. You have it backwards, my love. I know you're tired of fixing things but some repairs need to be made. It's going to hurt and friendships may not make it. And if thats the case, you were never supposed to be friends with them anyway. You remember what dad used to say.

Don't you cry for them. They don't deserve your tears. Lift your head right now, they will not break you. You're stronger than this. They may not know, but we do. We've been through this before, this is nothing new. Suck. It. Up. This is a test. A test you cannot afford fail. So suck it up and keep it moving.

I would have thought you would have learned by now who loves you and who doesn't. Your naivety never ceases to amaze me. Faith in mankind has been rocked this time, hasn't it? You have done this to yourself. Pushing those who love you unconditionally away to make room for those you would have died for. Do you feel foolish? You should. But we're learning aren't we. This will never happen again, will it? No, it won't. You keep your heart in a place no one can find it. Keep up your walls and fight to the death for what rightfully belongs to you. Do you understand me? Good.

I'm the only one you can depend on now. We need each other. And we will not disappoint each other again. You lean on me, and I'll lean on you. We're all we have now. It's just us.

Your one and only,

Self