Last blog was Clint Eastwood by the Gorillaz. Suz got it, which is awesome. So in honor of her, I'm be talking about mothers for a moment.

My parental unit M has lost her ever-loving mind. I love her though, but she's crazy. Here's proof:

Teri (sibling unit S): LEILANI!
Leilani: *is upstairs* WHAT?!?
Teri: SHE SAID IT!
Leilani: *gasp* *runs to the banister* I MISSED IT?!?
Teri: YES!
Leilani: SH!T! I MISSED MOM SAYING SHE WAS CRAZY?
Teri: YES!
Mom: I AM NOT CRAZY
Teri: Everything you say after your admission holds no merit. None.

Leilani: *filling out the Census* You're 47 aren't you?
Mom: shut up Leilani! The windows are open. And I'm 37
Leilani: You're 37 with a 28 year old, a 24 year old and a 19 year old. You were busy weren't you?

Auntie R: *talking about menopause* You wear it well Mary.
Mom: I know it. And my skin is glowing-
Leilani: Your skin is glowing because of the light reflecting off the sweat on your body from those heat flashes.
Mom: *throws couch cushion at me*

Leilani: You're acting up right now Mary
Mom: what did you just call me?
Teri: I believe she called you Mary, which is also your name
Breland (sibling unit B): You were acting up though
Mom: That doesn't mean she can call me that
Breland: Yes it does. We all call you that. And we call you Mary Ellen when you're being a b!tch

Leilani: Mom, mom, ma, momma, mommy, mother, momma, mommy
Mom: WHAT?!?
Leilani: I was gonna say I love you but nevermind

Mom: I love you Leilani
Leilani: that's what they all say

Mom: I need a boyfriend
Leilani: Can't we just get a dog instead?

Mom: Blue is not my color (meaning she doesn't like to repeat herself until she's blue in the face)
Leilani: You say that all the time, everyday and as much as possible

Mom: I DON'T GIVE A F*CK!
Bianca (sister in law): Oh sh!t, she dropped the F-bomb
Breland: TIME TO GO!

Mom: Can I have a kiss?
Leilani: Can you? Are you allowed?
Mom: *kisses my cheek anyway*
Leilani: Aaaaaahhhh! It burns! MAKE IT STOP!
Mom: Shut up Racole!

Leilani: *stares at the wall*
Mom: Leilani? Are you okay? Are you depressed?
Leilani: Why do I have to be depressed? I could have been thinking about how to cure cancer or to solve world hunger.
Mom: Okay, what were you thinking about?
Leilani: HOW MUCH LIFE SUCKS!!

Mom: I baked chicken
Leilani: WHAT THE HELL FOR?
Mom: I was hungry
Leilani: If you were hungry you should have told me to make it. I would have come home to cook for you. That was a waste of chicken
Mom: I know, its not as good as yours
Leilani: I know. For the student has surpassed the master. Never bake chicken ever again

Mom: *making mac and cheese* We're cooking in the kitchen to gether
Leilani: *frying pork chops* *gets burned by grease* SH!T DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
Mom: I'm not bad at cooking Leilani
Leilani: I just friggin burned myself
Mom: Oh *mumbles* I know I'm not a bad cook

Teri: Oh my God, Mom. Turn the Gramma off
Leilani: Please! This is not America. This is Germany, they don't like us here!
Mom: I don't care! She was being rude! That's racist!
Leilani: THIS. IS. GERMANY. NOT. AMERICA. They don't like Americans in general, we just so happen to be black.
Teri: She's gonna get us killed

UPDATED: More momma :P

Mom: My friend is coming to visit
Leilani: Friend? Now when you say friend or do you mean friend?
Mom: What's the difference?
Leilani: Well if you don't know mother...

Mom: *in Oprah voice* sex is good!
Leilani & Loki: :o

Leilani: I'm not too happy with you right now
Mom: I'm ya momma, you're supposed to love me
Leilani: Only because God said so

Leilani: Ms. Davis is ACE!
Mom: What?
Leilani: You're not ready...
*later that same day*
Mom: I told your friend Miss G that you called Ms. Davis 'ace'
Leilani: What did she say?
Mom: 'So she gets a nickname and I don't'
Leilani: She's not ready either

Mom: Your new bedtime is midnight. You need to be in bed by midnight, do you understand?
Leilani: Actually I don't. What's this new buisness? Like I had a bedtime in the first place
Mom: Don't get smart with me!
Leilani: You asked if I understood. I'm just trying to get an understanding
Mom: Don't get smart
Leilani: *mumbles* You don't want me to be smart but then when I get bad grades you expect more of me. Make some damn sense woman...
Mom: What did you just say?
Leilani: *repeats*
Mom: You need to stop being smart
Leilani: *throws hands in the air in defeat*

Mom: Get off the computer right now!
Leilani: But why?
Mom: you need real friends and to stop talking to people who are probably pedophiles
Leilani: Mom, I don't know if you know this, but after 18 I'm out of pedophile range and graduated to full on rape victim
Mom: That's not funny
Leilani: Me no laughing

*after Thanksgiving dinner*
Mom: I'M GOING TO BED! *turns out all the lights and tv*
Teri: *sitting in the dark* This is bullsh!t...
Arika (cousin): *also sitting in the dark* :lol: She does this every time we come over here
Breland: *also sitting in the dark* She just locks us in like we're not going to leave. Leilani will let us...
Leilani: *feels eyes in my direction* *sigh* Call my cell when you need me to open the door

Mom: Your friends can't come over when I'm not here. My laptop isn't working
Leilani: The nerve of my friends to break your computer and put it right back in its carrier just the way you left it *shakes fist*
Mom: Don't get smart
Leilani: :roll:

Mom: I need the other garage door opener
Leilani: I would help you out if I knew where it was
Mom: Your dad has it
Leilani: What makes you think that?
Mom: my sheets are missing
Leilani: so you think he's sneaking in here and stealing sheets with the garage door opener even though he has sheets of his own?
Mom: :|
Leilani: *mumbles* my mother is friggin insane. *out loud* Its not dad you need to interrogate, its Teri
*months later*
Mom: I think some towels are missing
Leilani: DAMN THAT MAN I CALL FATHER AND HIS NEW WIFE!
Teri: I bet they're laughing their asses off and thinking of new ways to piss you off mom
Mom: Shut up both of you
Teri: You're the one making yourself look stupid

Mom: that what we need to do! Jump up on a bar and start dancing
Leilani: You should be ashamed. You're my mother and are encouraging bad behavior. *shakes head in shame and walks away*

Mom: What is this?
Leilani: I don't know mom, but to my knowledge I would say that was a C-. But how would I know? Apparently I can only comprehend at 70% and less

Bianca: you say Breland's name so sweet and everyone elses like it tastes bad in your mouth
Mom: No I don't
Leilani: yes you do. Sometimes I don't know when you're mad at me when you call me or not
Mom: No I dont'
Breland: Don't hate on me because I am that child *strikes pose*
Mom: That's right. Dont let them hate on you baby
Leilani: That right there, that's that sh!t we're talking about.

Leilani: SH!T YEAH!
Mom: Stop cussing! *mumbles* cussing all the damn time. I'm not taking that sh! no more
Leilani: I wonder where the hell I get this nasty ass habit of swearing and sh!t, mom. Probably my dad, the minister
Mom: Shut up

As you can see, we have a lot of random moments. And I noticed that I'm kinda mean to her. Meh, oh well :lol: I also noticed that she tells me to shut up all the time. Like that's ever going to happen

So I'm not really feeling like myself. For those that wanna know, I bleed. And it sucks. I had that conversation I usually have with Self about it. For those of you who don't know, Self is the b!tch that lives in my head and shakes her head in shame at me when I screw up. She also tells me I can do better in some situations. Basically, she's my conscience with a forked tongue. I love her mean ass though. Wanna see the convo? Here it goes:

Me: I MUST BE THE DEVIL
Self: I knew it
Me: There is no reason why I can bleed for 5 days and not die
Self: I told you that you were pure evil a long time ago but do you listen?
Me: you know what? I think I hate you a bit
Self: I knew that too
Me: I hate you because you don't feel the pain and you just b!tch and b!tch without stopping.
Self: :lol: Do you want me to stop
Me: No, because I love that about you
Self: you know what I love about you 'round this time?
Me: No
Self: you make so sense and it's totally not your fault

I got issues :?

Happy Hunting ;)