Existential Crisis. I think.

...

Short version:

Meh.

...

Long version:

The longer I live, the more complex life gets. I start seeing what all them old men told me about being "young," "naive", "innocent". I thought I saw it then, but I see more now, and I know I will see more in the future. Society baffles me. Everything is built to rely on everything else. How can I not be amazed at what humanity has accomplished, even though those endless accomplishments cause equally many problems as they solve? Who said life was going to be easy, who said it was going to be hard. "KIDS TODAY! think they got it so bad, its not like it is WAR going on! In my day people starved and people died."

Is it so, that the more time you have to think, the more difficult life gets? What was it he said... "It is gruesome, trully knowing how free we are." Or something like that. I don't have time for all this thinking! I need to figure out where I want to go in life, earn money to live and stuff. And I know that no matter what I do, it's not going to be so bad. So why am I sitting here, having a hard time making my own descisions? Why am I so stressed? MEH I say!

I didn't care about anything as a kid. Probably not many kids do. Just living life, eating food, having a good time. Like animals they are. But then we have to become adults and start acting human, thinking, becomming more self aware. Is it really such a good thing, all this thinking. Kem said I think too much. I guess a lot of people say a lot of people think too much. We are human, that is what we do. ENDLESS CURIOSITY! I am starting to believe we are incapable of understanding all that we desire to understand, or atleast I am. In this form, in this time. Needs more space for storage of inforamtion in the brain. Become cyborg. need knowledge. But at the same time, I am starting to believe that this existance is false. I was convinced of this last night anyway. Just wating to wake up from a dream. I also think about this in relation to the simple thing of waking up in the morning. Very few people ever want to get up, but for me it is perhaps different. I won't get up in the morning because the dream world I previously found myself in was more comforting and enjoyable than the reality that takes over. Even if that dream was a nightmare. I find myself less inspired to exist here any longer, and just stay in dream forever, but I know that is not going to be my path, perhaps after death, that will be the illusion I may be stuck in, if that, so that may be. But for now, this realm dubbed "reality" must be the place, there may not be another chance to experience it. Whatever experiencing it is worth. Life is complex, and very very overwhelming. But not neccesarily unenjoyable. I am quite happy I guess. No war over here, anyway. Some other people have it horrible and I would like to help them, but first I must help myself aqquire the means to do so. Maybe make a plan.

1.Earn money

2.Eat food

3.Do everything else

4.Have fun while doing so? (the difficult one)

AH yes. must stay on track, reality be real or not. I know I am far from uiniqe, there are too many humans on this planet for that. We are uniqe in a combination of multiple qualities that so many more people than us alone posess. It is comforting, knowing that I am not alone. Whatever I may think, someone, sometime, thought the same as me. Perhaps not in the same combination of words. But all this came from somewhere that wasn't me, and that is allright.

Meh. Life is meh. I think I am fairly ok with that.

ONWARD! Must make life a better place now.

While I am here, brainpuking on all of you whoever might read, now you see what I mean when I say meh. One word to convey my feelings about EVREYTHING! and that is just a tip of the iceberg of all the things i have ever thought. Its k.

Thanks to all of you peepls for repeatedly breaking my brain... weither you were aware of it at the time or not. Preach on, peepls, remember that I hate you all as much as I love you too.