1. Everytime I make this drive I see one or two cars with in-car video screens that are playing pr0n. Look, I know it's a long drive, but some of us manage to go for a couple of hours without that sort of stimulation.

Note: If you are one of those people and you're doing it because you think it makes you look cool, I've got news for you: you don't. In fact, it's just kind of pathetic and depressing.

2. 70mph is not an acceptable speed to be in the left lane of a two-lane highway. If you're not going 90, you're blocking someone else who's in a bigger hurry (like me). When I flash my brights at you, it doesn't mean sit there and do nothing or wave back. It means GIT OUT DA WAY.

3. There's nothing quite like listening to the play-by-play of random sporting events in Spanish to while away the time on the drive. Because apparently, no one in the Central Valley of California speaks English, so all the AM radio stations in the area are in Espanol or are broadcasts of scary-red-state-Christian-evangelists. At least I've retained enough from high school Spanish to get the gist of what's going on too. It sure beats hearing in English that Jesus does indeed hate me and that I'll be going straight to the 9th level of Hell for my transgressions.

Oh. Merry Christmas.