Upon branching out to Julia's and Matt's journals and posting in those places I seem to have made a bunch of new friends!  So hurray for me!

Now what should I type about while waiting for responses on those two journals?  Sex? Violence? Violent sex?  Okay!  Let me tell you about this chick I--

[Technical Difficulties In Progress]

[Technical Difficulties In Progress]

[Technical Difficulties In Progress]

Okay, we're back!  Now that I've been properly medicated and chastised it is time to talk about Pokemon, Barbies, G.I. Joes and the wonderful world of Teletubbies! 

Cut!

What is it, Bill?

What are you doing, Bod?

You said you wanted it family friendly.  What, are the Teletubbies too violent for you?

I said "family friendly" as in "PG-13 family friendly," not "Little Genius family friendly." It can be more sophisticated then Barbies.

Hey! Barbie is a very sophisticated woman! Don't hate her because she's beautiful!  And, you know, I was going somewhere with that whole thing. 

Were you?  Because I got the feeling that you wanted me to yell "cut" from the fact that your whole ramble into the toddlers aisle was filled with spite towards me.  Besides, you know for a fact that this isn't going to be read by toddlers or really anyone besides drug addicts, geeks and Ireland.

True.

But you can still save this.  Just--

Well, if you'd let me finish I was leading up to something hysterical. It was really quite funny and filled with insights.

Were you?

Uh, yeah. 

All right, Genius, make it work.

All right!

Take two:

So G.I. Joe was hanging out with the Teletubbies one night when Barbie and her friends were walking by wearing mini-skirts and tank tops looking incredibly sexy, so G.I. Joe says "Hey, Babe!  How you doin'?" Barbie promptly replies, "You talkin' to me, Scrub?" 

"Damn straight."

"That is it! We must kung-fu fight!"

"We can't."

"Why not?"

"We don't have the budget and this all on paper."

"Then me and my crew challenge you and yo' boys to a Pokemon battle." Yes, indeed Barbie had just recently taken out the Elite Four and was now on tour.  G.I. Joe just happened to have been one of the Elite Four for five years.  So they battled in very cheap Japanese animation for hours as the Teletubbies put on an amazing display of break-dancing Pokemon and three of the Teletubbies scored that night with their challengers though that part of the video is censored.  G.I. Joe, Barbie, and Pikachu lived together for three years until Barbie realized that G.I. Joe had no intent to commit, and was never going to quit his job at the car wash.  The custody battle for Pikachu was long and drawn out, and ended with Pikachu being taken to a shelter in a town called Pallet and became the well-known star of a nationally syndicated television show.  He died three years later of diabetes and was replaced by a younger, more sexually appealing Pikachu.  He was not missed.

This is a true story about the horrors of osteoporosis and what it does to the families of middle-class America who were involved in the SOLDIER program that President Bush started to infuse Jenova cells into kittens for his war on terror and masturbation and atheism and putting sprinkles on maple donuts.  If you don't believe me just look it up under "p" for paranoid delusional schizophrenia.  Everything you need to know about my argument is there.

Cut!

Am I good or what?

I have to hand it to you, you really know how to pull off anything.

Do I?  What about the 2004 elections?

Point taken.