There is little guidance on the topic of summer footwear from that omniscient source of all information: television. Try to think of summer apparel displayed on television outside swimsuit-wearing megabodies at the beach, and you will likely come to the same conclusion as this author: everyone on television wears pants.

Unfortunately, real people live in real life, not television. In real life, people wear shorts (though hopefully not jorts). In real life people need to figure out what to put on their feet when their is a bare calf and shin between the bottom of their shorts and footwear. While this author does not condone the use of sneakers outside athletic activity, there is a sizable contingent of geeks who simply refuse to acknowledge the existence of flip-flops, Birkenstocks, boat shoes, and other summertime footwear alternatives.

Socks
Some geeks, the uber-nerds, compound their athletic shoe-wearing crime with tube socks pulled up to their knees. You know the ones - God help you if you are one - because they are typically wearing the same outfit as their father (who, by the way, is also a violator of all things fashionable by doing so).

"My feet sweat and therefore socks are a requisite item."
Wear short socks (see Selecting Socks, below).

"I'm a skinny, skinny dude, and fearful of baring my legs."
Welcome to the club; get over yourself and drop the socks. You're only making it worse for yourself.

"I'm a big fat guy, and fearful of baring my legs."
Get over yourself and drop the socks. You're only making it worse for yourself.

"Austin Powers has nothing on me when it comes to body hair."
On the list of turn-offs, hairy legs is going to rank pretty low. Get over yourself and drop the socks: if it is hot enough for shorts, it is hot enough to drop the socks.

Selecting Socks
There is only one kind of sock appropriate to summer: the short sock (not ankle cut, low-cut). These socks are designed specifically to cover your feet and protect your sadly-vulnerable heels from blisters while remaining invisible above the rim of your footwear. Best of all: they're cheap. While it may not be possible to stop every reader from wearing sneakers to the mall or beach in the summertime, it might just be possible to prevent them from looking like a complete fool.

--------------- Loser ---------------------------------------- Okay ---------------

--------------- Better ---------------------------------------- Best ---------------

Archive all tube socks to the rear of the sock drawer during the summer. Pick up several pairs of short socks at the local Target or Wal-Mart for about $5 and, while you are at it, grab a pair of cheap flip-flops in brown or tan to match your khaki shorts (alright, alright, you can't blame a guy for trying).

This is the future, Mr. 1982, let us welcome you with advanced sock technology.

A note regarding athletes
All athletes, such as soccer (football to those international readers) and rugby players, are excused from the aforementioned while engaged in their respective sport.