There is a list that exists between every couple. This list is compiled, edited, and debated continuously. The list I refer to is The Celebrity Exemption List, the list of celebrities with whom cheating is allowed should the opportunity arise.

Don't act like you don't have one, you do. You're only fooling youself to claim otherwise. Every human being on the planet knows at least a few celebrities, and we would sleep with most of them if they let us.

This list is constantly changing, of course; it has to. Whereas Britney Spears might have appeared near the top of that list in 1999, today she barely registers a blip on the radar against that pimply girl you knew back in Junior High. Spears' sister managed to completely avoid the list before she could even become a candidate (a legal one, anyway). Brad Pitt was pretty smokin' in Fight Club, but today...oh heck he's still hot, the punk. Even Jennifer Aniston is getting on in years, sad as the fact may be, so you can understand why the list requires constant maintenance and retooling. We age, but our dreams do not.

Thankfully, there are a number of semi-fictitous encounters I am granted. My list currently stands at a mere two women: Scarlett Johannsen and Natalie Portman. Both ladies are intelligent and sexy, and I require both. I do not require both women, though that would be great, but rather women on my list must be both intelligent and sexy. If you're getting permission, you might as well shoot for the moon, after all.

Hello, ladies, my name is Boz. No, no, my wife is totally cool with it. No really. Hey, where are you going?

As it stands I have been barred from considering either Keira Knightley or Drew Barrymore. The former annoys the heck out of my wife due to her jutting chin when she talks (keep an eye out and you'll see it) and lack of bosom. As a general rule, I am not allowed to consider anyone with a cup size below that of my wife. The latter I would never consider anyway due to Barrymore's incessent whining.

My wife would actually allow me to maintain a larger list (she is very understanding), adding someone like Angelina Jolie, but I have problems with seemingly every major actress and songstress outside the two currently on my list. Jolie, for example, was with Billy Bob Thornton. Ugh, Thornton. In the highly, highly unlikely event of my unholy union with Jolie, the whole time all I would be able to picture and hear would be Billy Bob reciting one of his lines from Armageddon, "You drill the hole, drop the nuke, and you leave."