...Is the day we'll be snow scooping in the pits of Hell.
Today, Electronic Arts was trying to advance on the playboard of Monopoly they had standing open since '01. The so called "Not So Strategic Edition". After years of buyouts, and it's most recent 860 million buyout of both BioWare and Pandmedic, along with the firing of both Sir. "Timing" and Mrs. "We-Give-A-Damn". It was time for another earthquake in the gaming sector, a true dis-ass-ter.
As usual, the EA board looked at the calender and asked "What the hell is that thing with the squares n' numbers?". A disgruntled money-carrier of EA moved a few pages and shown April on the calender, with a huge red circle around the 29th and a comment reading "HAXXORZ DAY!".
The first thing the board purposed was "We're gonna buy TakeTwo. NAO!". The second thing was "We might need to switch our bank account to something in Austria, cause our numbers are gonna get so big that it's nearly not to be trusted.".
An TakeTwo CEO gets a random call, with the message "We, Electronic Arts want you to become Us. We are God, you are profit. We have two billion in briefcases standing outside of your office, you guys pack.". TakeTwo kindly responded with "... Get in line. And who the hell do you think we are? The Moron Bunch? Our profits can fill the World Trade Center with just dollar bills, and with Grand Theft Auto IV comin', I'd say you guys are just after our precious". EA realised, they were busted... So they played along. "Uhh... Yeah, we love GTA. It's the game that makes it's so popular. And not the controversy. End of script. Written by Jill from 4th Grade. Ohh I shouldn't have read that? Uhh, what I ment was - We love the games you guys make, so we want it all. ALL!!".
After brutally hanging up on EA, and trying to accept the mind boggling fact that it wasn't Paris Hilton prank-calling and blabbering how much of a bunch of self sentric egoistical pr*cks EA are, they walked outside and trew a rock against one of the so-well-undercover-hidden-press' van's, and gave the following statement after EA yelled "WE OFFERED 2 BILLION, AND THOSE BASTARDS DECLINED!" to every newspaper and press staff in the Mid-west:
"We believe EA's unsolicited offer is highly opportunistic and is attempting to take advantage of our upcoming release of Grand Theft Auto IV, one of the most valuable and durable franchises in the industry.".
Mr Timing and Mrs. We-give-a-damn got a warm-welcome from the TakeTwo Staff after they got booted from every Electronic Arts-vicitimized company.
The moral of this slightly poetic and little bit hatefull-versus-EA story is: EA just won't loose the horrible game of Monopoly they're playing, against theirselfs. But atleast, they've got slapped by the most influential game company in North America.
This is a day we should value, cause it was nearly the day we lost all hope in the gaming industries as EA's-going-Microsoft on everything. "Okay... Just stick a pin on the USA map. *stings* Okay, hmmm... Looks like you've nailed Volition Inc! Let's grab a bag of cash, and haul ass before that person loaded with cash called 'No Opposition' is gonna beat us to the punch!".
Like the mighty Richard Kind once said in a good episode of Spin City; "ACCESS DENIED! Hehe."