It seems to take Forever to get a new level on GameSpot. I'm sure part of the problem is checking my friend's blog from his profile, but maybe blogging will help. I would like to be a sectoid only as long as need be.

Maybe I should see what the interest level is for a new union. Perhaps BD and I could get together and do anything so I don't have to sit alone in my own house while my husband carries on conversations with who knows who instead of me, and I'm just here lonely and bored after the baby goes to sleep (and even before). I work on have tos and then I want to do something else, but I need someone to do it with. Should I have to find people to hang out with? Maybe. Do I need to leave to cultivate other interests and not go nuts? Not necessarily. Maybe I just need to go to the gym now and then. And maybe Enrichment. And what else? Maybe chat with my family. If I were home at least I could watch movies with other people. I have very little TV time when D's home. I get stir crazy. I get sick of reading. I want to interact. Who can I hang with? Do I have to have people over? D. doesn't want to go out much. How can I get some TV time? How can we discover things we want to do together? Do I have to play games to interact? I don't want to. I feel resistance besides the animosity I feel toward the game systems. I've fantisized throwing the breaker, unplugging everything, tossing the Xbox out the window, etc. Why must he spend sooo much time on the game systems? Why must he turn it on immediately on coming home? Why is it hours and hours and nothing else? I feel resentment when I'm working on chores and he's focused on games. I want help. I want freedom to do what I want, too. Why do I have to defer? Why do I have to wait? Why does he play Uno online when we can play in person? What does the escape do for him? How can I meet my needs while he's doing what he does? I'm tired, and I'm going to bed. I don't want my life to be me keeping busy with something while he plays games forever. I can't keep this up for long. Sometimes the sounds drive me berzerk. I'm getting more familiar, but I'm also getting more opposed. I don't want to have anything to do with games because I'm so sick of them and how they compete for D.'s time. I don't want my kids to get sucked in. I don't want them wasting their lives when they can be developing skills, performing service, learning, and experiencing life.

I posted a blog in the wrong spot. Grrr. I'm in the house. It's Resurrection weekend. Drools is exceeding her diapers. DJ is big in Europe. The Great is oozing about the wheat bread, and I gots to call the fam. I'm limiting work. With the Firm, that is. No word yet. Funny-- the first thing I opened in the manual was working Mm's. I just got some lovin' from the fan boy. Startin' to feel like Spring. It's been really wet lately.

Well, I'm just starting to peruse this site. I saw the section on what I'm playing, and it didn't include Super Mario Strikers, so I wanted to add that. I didn't have any luck. I was glad I was able to find my profile and read a few of D.'s remarks. I'm feeling frustrated right now because I don't have time to respond to any of my friends' emails. I have very limited email time now, and I barely have time to read them. And don't get me started on the thank you note delay. The sad part is while I did some internet product research Grandma vacuumed, which she shouldn't do. Of course, I probably should have stood up and protested and done it, but I didn't. And the chores I was supposed to do were done before I got to them. That's not the way it happens at my parents' house. Plus my husband called while I was on the phone finding out my sister's engaged, and we didn't connect (I should've asked someone how to get an incoming call, but I didn't want to interrupt my call). I am frequently interrupted when I call my parents, and I wish I could have the uninterrupted attention, particularly since we don't talk much. Sometimes technology can make people very rude. They make the excuse that another sibling might be calling. But I figure, if I'm on the phone, the answering machine can take the message. After all, why don't they just appreciate the person they are currently talking to? And speaking of critical comments, in the course of this visit, I was asked about altering an outfit, which is apparently too small, and Grandma took an applique off the carseat which was "making a red spot on her head." How can I feel like a good mom? It seems like there's always something. But then I have to remember who I'm interacting with. They love their granddaughter and want to make sure everything is perfect. And speaking of daughters, I appreciate their efforts to introduce me as a daughter in an effort for me to feel like family instead of just an add on family member, but why would it be totally weird for a daughter to sit on their bed on watch the Olympics (like we did before) when their son or granddaughter could? And what is the deal with buying the baby her own set of towels? Why does that matter? Well, it looks like this blog thing could get me into trouble. Or perhaps just share secrets I'm not willing to speak. I have enjoyed the time we've spent playing games. We had a brief discussion about expectations of game play and other family life. I don't want him to feel like I'm unsatisfied with our life or his contributions. I know he is likely to feel picked on or hard on himself. I just want things to be communicated before too much time passes and I feel like I have to do something on my own because we're not doing things together. I want to do family activities that don't include gaming. I want to go outside, exercise, play games, make food, get together with other friends, and participate in activities out of the house (plus putting the family in fhe). I want to develop skills or interests together. Maybe we could be in a play or learn German or study Econ. Maybe that's what we should do-- study together. But I don't want him to feel like I'm on his case or pushy or naggy. I'm actually looking forward to reading his textbooks. And I know he's tired and needs to unwind. I guess in an ideal world I'd have him do a lot more studying, but he's doing well in his classes, and that's all that really matters to me (in the context of school). I want him to feel supported, and I also feel stress because I would have to study a lot more. And I'm concerned that lack of preparation will burn him/us sooner than later. Is this too public a forum to air my thoughts? Is this a breach of our "keep things inside our relationship?" How much can I write here? Where should I write everything else? And where is he anyway? I guess I'd better be social and get out of the office. Peace out.