After Lucas dumped me in the cruel fashion that he did, I didn't think I would have to go through that EVER. I was wrong. I went through it again last night. Most of you who read my blogs are probably going to think, "Cody?" No, not Cody. Although I have given up on him too becuse ever since he moved back to PA he doesn't return my emails and he's never online. For the past few months, I've secretly been harboring a crush on my friend, Alec. He had a girlfriend, who was one of my best friends, so I never told ANYONE. I never even wrote it in my diary. I never posted it on tv.com because I was afraid someone I know might find it on here and tell. I didn't even want to admit to myself that I liked Alec. People would ask me if I did and I would get so defensive and say I didn't that people just kinda knew. I think even A. knew, but she either didn't care or didn't let on. Maybe both. Well last week, Alec and A. broke up. I was pretty thrilled. And last night, Alec called me and asked me out. I wanted to say yes, but I figured it was still kinda too soon, and I wanted to ask A. if it was OK first. So I turned him down for the time being, and told him maybe when the school year started. So then I went to my computer. It was about 11 PM at this time. A. was online. So I IMed her and asked her if it was OK. She said that she and Alec had just gotten back together. The situation is somewhat different then the way Lucas dumped me, but I still feel pretty beat. But I'm still friends with Alec, so I'm going to have to get over it eventually. So then I figured that if two perfectly normal guys just tossed me away like I was yesterday's newspaper, then it's not the guys, it's ME. I always thought the problem was Lucas because he's a totall ass, but Alec is my buddy. What the problem is, I don't know. But I figure it's got to be either I'm not pretty enough or I'm too fat. I'm not trying to sound like a total drama queen like all those other girls who get dumped, I'm trying to figure out my freaking problem! So instead of repeating what I did when Lucas dumped me (cutting myself, minor case of anorexia), I've just decided it's better to just drop it all together. No more guy chasing, just no more. I can't handle another heart break. I'm finished.