Well there you have it folks! My cousin Kody is dating that white trash crack addicted slut. Yes, the same one I was complaining about in one of my previous blogs. I am very extremely POed. I am currently disowning him, and he has dropped from my 4th favorite cousin to my 2nd to least favorite cousin. Which I guess isn't that bad, considering he only dropped one spot. I only have 6 cousins. But on the bright side, I managed to write a marvelous piece for Evolette, based on that b!tch Lauren. NOTE: I will never actually do any of this. Writing is a stress releavor for me. If you wanna read it, it starts after I finish whining. This weekend was my family birthday parties. On Saturday, my favorite present was Twilight Princess for Wii. I only got one other present that day, and it was The Notebook on DVD. I'll have to watch it later, it looks good. On Sunday, my favorite present was a pack of 5 Gum, Elixer flavored. No joke. Other presents included a blanket that my Grandma made me, which would have been nice, but she makes me one every year, a stack of $2 bills that I'm not allowed to spend, and really ugly slippers and an ugly scarf. OK, here's the section from The Ballad of Evolette Brandon.

I took pleasure in watching her eyes widen with fear, as she could do nothing but see me polish the blade upon my skirt. I smiled sweetly at her. After all those years of verbal and psychological abuse, I was finally going to give Laura what she deserved.

Laura blinked once as she attempted, in vain, to overcome the drug that left her paralyzed. Nothing could save her now. I took one step forward, then another. I was recollecting the time when we were mere children that I cut her with the glass shard. Only this time, Miss Laura wouldn't be so fortunate. I rubbed the smooth part of the blade against her cheek as I leaned in closer.

"Hello, Laura. It's been quite some time, hasn't it?" She made a whining sound deep within her throat. Such a pretty little neck; it was a shame that I was about to slice it apart.

"You weren't very nice to me when we were children. In fact, you were the root of all my suffering. Maybe if you had shown me a little compassion, I wouldn't be doing this now." Laura's eyes pleaded with me to release her. I paid it no mind. I had been waiting for this kind of revenge for so extremely long. She repeated the whine.

"No, no, don't try to scream. That poison within you keeps you paralyzed. I can't have you running away from me, now can I?" A single tear slid down the doomed woman's cheek. "Don't cry, it will all be over. Eventually."

I could have just killed her then and there. But I decided to have a little fun with her first. I had a roll of gauze tucked beneath my blouse, so after I played with her a bit, I could patch her up and start all over.

Gripping the knife tightly in my grasp, I grabbed Laura's wrist with my free hand. Ever so slowly, I made a deep incision across the vein. A thin film of crimson liquid oozed from the cut, and I almost took leave of my senses as I inhaled the lovely aroma of vengeance and murder. She squeezed her eyelids tightly as the pain overtook her, and I did the same to the other wrist. As much as I enjoyed the fluids that were beginning to splash on the cold, hard, cement, I couldn't have her bleeding to death, not yet. I removed the gauze from my blouse and wrapped it around her injuries. Again, tears flowed from her eyes. If she could scream, she would have.

"Now, now, dear," I said as if I were trying to soothe a young child. I backed away and scrutinized her, wondering which part of her I should slice next. There were so many options. The jugular would have made a pretty puddle on my floor, but that would most likely kill her and my fun would be over. Head wounds bled the most; perhaps I should have cut off her ears. Yes, that would be quite lovely. After that, I would disembowel her.

I became a woman possessed as I hacked and slashed away at my old nemesis. All the while, she could feel my wrath and anger I had born against her for all these years. It was oh so divine. About ten minutes later, I had completely removed her ears, chopped off her fingers, gouged out her eyes, and now her internal organs lie strewn about the basement floor. Then for a brief moment, I was afraid I had lost her.
"Laura?" I whispered. She made no response. I put two fingers to her neck to find her pulse. It was faint, but there. She had not died; yet. I smiled to myself. My amusement would be over soon, whether I decided to end it now, or allow her to endure it. Regardless of all the transgressions she had brought onto me, I simply did not possess the ability to let her suffer a minute longer. I pierced her jugular vein. Like water flowing majestically from a waterfall, Laura's blood poured out from her wound, staining her gown and splattering a bit on mine. And then finally, after what seemed like an eternity of waiting, Laura Mailer Landon died.