For a while now, Ive been posting as my older cuz, but I guess its time to uncover myself.

I have taken this account from the negligent hands of my elder cousin, who lost it (and his new nationstates country) in a drinking contest to a man 6 years his junior. Dont blame him, he's been livng in the states for way too long.
Anywho, yeah, this is me. Nothing's really gonna change

Ok, I was doing some research because I had a social life last night, and I need to offset it with some awesome nerdiness, and this essay is the result of it.

Ecuador/colombia relations almost reached a peak of "I almost wont kill your mom out of spite". and then the native power brokers took it down. ecuador is possibly the only country wheer the native indians have the most political power: you fall out of their favour, your done.The reason this sucks is because their government aims is a stalinist stae, which is probably why they dont have absolute control of the country. That and the Quito/Guayaquil feud. Anywho, the last president, Dr. Gustavo Noboa Bejarano, was rather pro-Colombian. The Indians did not like it, and procedded with the most shameless ousting of an elected leader that has no french word for it. The indians basicaly said: " Its not a coup because we dont call it a coup" and took this guy out. He had been shown, especially since the rocket case, to be close political ally and freidn of Uribe, except not a nazi.

Anywho, the indians decided not to put their man in charge, because then no language-raping would not make it a coup. Instead, they decided " you show us the guys, well tell you if theyre ok". Well, thanks to the catholic power brokers and the mafioso-style government aguardiente market, the indians hate Colombia. As did their man: Lucio Gutiérrez Borbúa.

Hes runnign on an anti-colombia stance like he were bush on terrorism. And the masses love him. They line up in front of his office to put his scrotum in their mouths.

Of course, Colombia hasnt been very nice to Ecuador. See, the aguardiente market in Colombia is government-run, and thus the drink is produced inneficiently and is just not as good as the ecuadorian stuff. Because ecuador has a dolarized economy, its stuff is normally too high priced to sell in Colombia. Not Aguardiente, which goes everywhere else but Colombia, because they fear for their government monopolies.

Meawhile, the indian power brokers in ecuador fund both paramilitaries and Guerilas, because the Colombian government has, for decades, been under the influence of another type of power broker: The catholic church, which makes its racist views on indians clearer and clearer evey day. so the Equatorans, allied with rebel symapthizing colombian natives, which the chucrh pretty much wants to convert or kill all of.

ok...Im done...:D

Ok, here me out. This is gonna sound weird, but you'll see how it all falls into place.
see, I began all of this when I was looking at the marks left on Bush's face after the" pretzel" incident.
Now, seriously, if you saw someone with a huge mark on their face and they told you :" I...uh...fell...into... my...desk...because...of..a...( looks at pacman game) PRETZEL!" You'd think someone smacked him/her around like whitney houston. If that person is weak and mild-tempered compared to their physically stronger much angrier spouse, its loking very bobby-brownish aint it?
Well, laura couldnt have smacked Dubya around. So who?
Cheney.
Bush supports a constitutional ban on gay marriages so that his marriage with Cheney will be annulled, meanwhile, cheney opposes it, not because of his daughter, but because he wants to keep control over dubya.
So, again, the whole pretzel thing was a cover-up to protect tricky dicky from the law if they found out he'd been abusing his homosexual spouse: george W bush.

I recently read on a reading binge (yes, I have reading binges, leave me alone) which included:
Lies and the lying liears who tell them By al Franken
How to talk to a liberal By Anne Coulter
Don Quijote de la mancha ( in what has to be record time) By miguel de Cervantes
The way things Ought to be By Rush Limbaugh ( funny stuff)
Will they ever trust us again? By Michael Moore
a little piece of fiction written by Bill O'reilly called Those who Trespass Which is about this guy who kills everyone that was responsible for the failure of his career in television (I'm serious). It contains accurate descriptions of grisly murders and oral sex performed by a 15-year-old crackwhore. And I have to say, 1945 maybe be borderline pornographical, but it's got nothing on that one scene. In your face, Gingrich, IN YOUR FACE!!!

Oh, the title. the last Book I read "im still reading" was the Hot Zone Which is a nonfictional story about how we are at the mercy of ebola and, if wants to, it will make the world its [female dog] and there is nothing we can do about it.
Suddenly, my political views changed, and I want every african jungle and rainforest burned to the ground and paved over. I still don t understand how the whole world isnt on a permenant state of panic. Do you know what ebola does to you? iIt makes me vomit just thinking about it.

I have come to the conclusion that all characters suck. Every bed guy or good guy or superfluous guy in every movie or TV show or book sucks. Except Pedro. You know, Pedro, from napoleon Dynamite.

Napoleon Dynamite was a terrible movie, with a budget of like $12. The actors didn’t get paid, they just worked for a chance to look at a shiny object. It wasn’t guaranteed that they would see the object; they just worked for a chance at seeing something shiny. But the movie was great for one reason and one reason only:

Pedro.

From now on, every role in every movie ever should be played by Pedro. Except for those played by Rosie O’Donnell. When Rosie O’Donnell is in the movie, its all about Pedro hurting her in numerous ways. Every movie should be like that. For ever.

No more horror movies. Every horror movie should end with Pedro bursting in, killing whatever is supposed to be scary, then punching any children involved, because kids suck. Now it’s a comedy.

Pedro would also be the lead role in every TV show. Except now, every TV show is a reality show, and they all consist of the same thing: Pedro kicking people in the head. But not just anybody, we round up anyone registered into the constitution and communist parties, anyone with the last name Bush, Goths, vegetarians, mimes and anyone remotely emo. Oh, and old people, old people go to the front of the line for a roundhouse kick in the head. Especially if they’ve ever done any square dancing. Oh, and bob Saget would also be kicked around. I swear, there should be a law against being Bob Saget

Now, you might be thinking that, while Pedro is awesome, surely there are shows/movies that even he can’t fix. I have a word for that: Blasphemy. Pedro is omnipotent. Let me give you an example. Take the worst scripted show in the history of existence: Dawson’s Creek. Now, you’re probably saying that even Pedro cant fix that.

Again, blasphemy. All you do, is imagine Pedro is rowing the boat that guy with the eyebrows is always going on. One day he gets mad and punches eyebrow-guy in the throat, then throws him overboard. There, the show is fixed.

So you see, there is nothing Pedro cant fix. Pedro is the man. Adore Pedro

http://eltiempo.terra.com.co/judi/2004-12-12/ARTICULO-WEB-_NOTA_INTERIOR-1921270

For those that dont read spanish:
retired Military leaders in Colombia are being hired to lead U.S troops in Iraq. since these leaders have experience in Vietnam-like combat conditions, their qualifications are excellent, and their pay is, by Colombian military standards, awesome. heres the catch, well, actually, two catches. One, no indemnization or pay will be given to the families of any deceased soldiers in Iraq, and in Colombian law, their military Social security is no longer available, since theyre serving again. Two: the recruitment is privatized ( big surprise). Its led by Blackwater USA, and Dyncorp, which both have corporate interests in Combat and Colombia. But most of the recruitment ( 80%) is being done by Halliburton. Bigger surprise.
the conservatives want to expand the military, yet later they have to outsource it because no one wants to join, and the soldier's pay and training is costign waaay too much.

At 9:00 Am this day, November 25, 2004, is a day that will forever be celebrated as the time when one of my crazier conspiracy theories was right. And thus, allow me to make a few statements before continuing:

I win, you lose
I'm right, you're wrong
I'm big you're small
I'm smart, you're dumb

Its official now, every conspiracy theory that I come up with is true. This includes:
John kerry was under the Bush payroll
The touchscreen machines were designed to change votes
Cheney is the real authority, not Bush
Anne Coulter is Dick Cheney in drag
Satan is dick Cheney in Drag
Both Bill O'reilly and sean hannity Lust after all three forms of Dick Cheney
So do both Clintons

What happened, you ask? Which of my crazy theories was reported as true recently, so as to drive me to the conclusion that I know all? Easy: Marxists guerrilas and extreme right-wing paramilitary groups in Colombia have allied in their drug-trading business. Since the guerrillas were created 40 years ago to overthrow Colombia's perpetually right leaning government, and since the paramilitary groups were created not much later with the single purpose of stoping the guerrillas, there is only one explanation: its all about money.
Uribe's partisan " we wont fight them because they agree with me" policies backfired, there is no political goal behind the guerrillas ations, they really dont want to overthrow the government, and the paras really dont want to keep it there. All they want is the money.

Meanwhile, Uribe is no longer the official "little bush" , but Tirofijo and other guerrila and paramilitary leaders are. They Pulled a Bush maneuver so large and efective to their own troops that it would give the entire republican party, their adherents nd their families a massive collective Boner, even if they're women.
By allying themselves with their political opposites, they have guranteed to get amass the $5-billion a year trade into the hands of only a few. Their troops are largely recruited on ideology which means that they have been lied to so thorougly that they are willing to work side-by side on no purpose but to get the coke money onto their boss's hands. Im not talking Democrat-republican differences here, even a communist-nazi rivalry would pale in comparison to their ideological differences. It would be more like a Capulet Vs. Montague times a million, and with a few jews thrown in.

So, to be repeated once more: Im right., always

As a resident of the United States, I loathe George W. Bush. Apart from the many obvious reasons are the fact that I have family in Guanatanamo Bay.

And yet, as I looked over the news today, I couldnt help but like the man, even for a second. What with the billions of dollars he has given to the government to fight rebel uprisings and drug trade, and his efforts to try and extend markets into the country so as to give jobs to the poor.. I talk, of course, of my home country Colombia. Let's make one thing clear, however: If that money had been given by Clinton to Samper 8 years ago, Colombia would be a first-world country, or at least well in the process of becoming one. The situation is not much worse, mind you, but the current President of Colombia ( Alvaro Uribe, or "Bushto"-meaning little Bush- to more than a few Colombian citizens) probably used a good deal of this money to buy himself a new plane and fund his attempts to change the constitution to get himself re-elected. ( These are not assumptions, they are things he literally wants to do)

For those who want to know, Uribe calls himself an "independent liberal" which is funny, since the man is so far to the right the constitution party cant see him with the hubble.
He was also one of the leaders ( though he hid himself well) in the movement of falsely trying to accuse samper of stealing government funds. Which is something that I have no doubt Uribe will do with Bush's money anyway. My other problem is that uribe has withdrawn massive funds and troops from fighting right-wing paramilitary forces to fighting marxists rebel guerrilas. Fighting the guerrillas is more important than fighting the paramilitarys, I agree, but a few things must be taken into account.

- Despite the fact that the paramilitary forces are not trying to overthrow the government, the have attacked and overtaken the governments of small towns along the distencion zone and forced to work on their armies or Coca Plantations. which leads me to my next point:

-Samper knew thathe paras were a real problem. They would soon become just as dangerous ( and as big) as the Marxists rebels. More dangerous, in fact, since they have brilliant leadership.

- The paras are a lot smaller than the FARC or ELN ( guerrilla rebel groups). However, they are responsible for 12% more Cocaine production, 19% more heroin, and have comitted a whooping 34% more kidnappings for ransom than any rebel group.

But I digress. My point is that, misguided and late as US help is, it happened under Bush. Some $2 billion were give to Colombias efforts to fight insurgents, and Im sure some of it will make it past Uribe's corrupt hands.

Ill go back to hating you tomorrow, dubya. For today only, youre ok.

I dont know which country has the best human rights record. I am tempted to side with switzerland, but, then again, the netherlands do rock. I really dont know.

Halo 2 came out, and it sucked beyond the stars. Bush won, my nationstates country was deleted and my russian mail-order bride ran away.
Well...Ashcroft did quit, and san andreas, MP and HL all ruled, So its not like Im stuck playing Craplo2. December might be better, and Im getting msg3.
My point is...I dont know what my point is, I just wanted to b*tch about something....ok then.