I have come to the conclusion that all characters suck. Every bed guy or good guy or superfluous guy in every movie or TV show or book sucks. Except Pedro. You know, Pedro, from napoleon Dynamite.

Napoleon Dynamite was a terrible movie, with a budget of like $12. The actors didn’t get paid, they just worked for a chance to look at a shiny object. It wasn’t guaranteed that they would see the object; they just worked for a chance at seeing something shiny. But the movie was great for one reason and one reason only:

Pedro.

From now on, every role in every movie ever should be played by Pedro. Except for those played by Rosie O’Donnell. When Rosie O’Donnell is in the movie, its all about Pedro hurting her in numerous ways. Every movie should be like that. For ever.

No more horror movies. Every horror movie should end with Pedro bursting in, killing whatever is supposed to be scary, then punching any children involved, because kids suck. Now it’s a comedy.

Pedro would also be the lead role in every TV show. Except now, every TV show is a reality show, and they all consist of the same thing: Pedro kicking people in the head. But not just anybody, we round up anyone registered into the constitution and communist parties, anyone with the last name Bush, Goths, vegetarians, mimes and anyone remotely emo. Oh, and old people, old people go to the front of the line for a roundhouse kick in the head. Especially if they’ve ever done any square dancing. Oh, and bob Saget would also be kicked around. I swear, there should be a law against being Bob Saget

Now, you might be thinking that, while Pedro is awesome, surely there are shows/movies that even he can’t fix. I have a word for that: Blasphemy. Pedro is omnipotent. Let me give you an example. Take the worst scripted show in the history of existence: Dawson’s Creek. Now, you’re probably saying that even Pedro cant fix that.

Again, blasphemy. All you do, is imagine Pedro is rowing the boat that guy with the eyebrows is always going on. One day he gets mad and punches eyebrow-guy in the throat, then throws him overboard. There, the show is fixed.

So you see, there is nothing Pedro cant fix. Pedro is the man. Adore Pedro