it's true...Santa knows how naughty you've been.

how would he know that?

simple. he's apart of the homeland security team, and knows each and every detail of your life. he's knows about the midnight chocolate cake feasting, the money you stole from grandma's purse to buy vicodin, shell fish makes you fart, and your favorite color is neon peach--scary.  don't forget your SS# and ATM pin #, but that's not important now. :)

and how do u know these things?

you see, i work in Santa's computer lab part time.  we wear these really cool hats and jackets. somebody has to answer and transfer Santa's calls. that would be me. i sit in front of a computer for 8 hours at a time, and when somebody calls, i simply pickup and say "Santa's Workshop, this is Dee, to wht department, plz?" then some voice at the other end says "Candy", or extension "5426-A" and then there call is placed. very good pay...very good pay. oh, i all i have to do is swipe my "clearance card", and i can also view your personal records on the NorthPole database. :)

were actually a secert military group armed with missiles at every corner, and each employee and elf is armed to the teeth with all sorts of ingenious lil gadgets and cute little weapons. :) don't forget the north pole is covered in motion sensered heat rays all over the place, if u think that pole is a candy cane, it really isn't...it's part of the sensor and soon enough a laser beam will go shooting towards your head. that reindeer your about to pet actually has rabies, and will bite you faster than u can say "hello". :)

Oh, Rudolph is actually a chick. :) and Santa is really a polygamist with 13 wives and 60 kids. :) nice, nice, snowy ranch they all pack themselves into. :)

other than, the big man, says i should all treat you guys to wonderful holiday related things. :)

joke:

From Santa Claus :
December 6, 2006

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia and North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated
by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209 . As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks or milk and cookies
so keep that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.
His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen .." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by"Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and
"It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area.
Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally,
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
Member of North American Fairies and Elves
Union 1225

and this pic: