Death,why art though want me to be here take me with you to tis grace,

when former loves true compassion show,

the stakes sharpen and wounded with fury.

I'm one to blame he says,

dare not say my death is immune.

pain surches my body and nothing will be the same,

the sent of displeasement and disliking may further hate his fury.

lose control and not speak for tis who i shall be.

belittle to the past of life and yet no wonder will i stay?

belittle toward one naother and never will i see the light of day.

lonely as one and just as another,though not loveable and though is placed on to be.

always cold always lonely always seeking death.

i'm a 2nd as i always am,for once...i want to be first.

but never will i be till life bids bye.

chosen over is my faith will i tolerate ones unhappyness.

will i be happy knowing i'm not one of to be.

i may not life to see teh day i'm truely happy.

i deserve to die many says and many treat me unkind.

i want someone to choose me for one,whom will understand.

though no one is perfect.........

atleast know my faith.

My faith is die a lonesome death and with this shall i know already.

i am not one to matter......

not one to care.......

not allowed to express my thoughs......why am i controled?

limited........

always.....a limit..........will i sacrafic all i have to be withi one?

only time will tell,for it may sooner then its begining.

me and hub broke up today,also had my abortion and well.........i never knew i could feel so much pain............and cry so muc hfor one person......i love him alot and i miss him and now were not together anymore......i wanna die....just die i cant live without him and now were gone at exactly 1 day before 10 months......my first ex bf.......i dont wann date anymore....

hey, christine! i'm "updating" for you. though you told me to update for you; update about the wonderful times that you and i share together each day, it's beyond me to write abuot your day through your perspective. but if yuo want me to at least put something up...

things will get better soon, christine. i still feel really bad for all of this... i'm sorry, christine. i just can't believe that this actually happened... hearing from you about your morning sickness... i know how nausea feels like, and the feeling that yuo want to throw up, butthere's nothing to THROW UP. it really sucks and i caused this... i'm sorry christine. though i do wonder how things will be like when we PURPOSEFULLY (not accidentally) get you PRG. i think about you everytime and everyday. i'll always be here for you no matter what. i just wish i wasnt as stupid as i am now... i'm afraid of the things i say because my words may hurt you more. please understand this...

either way, christine, i love you! :)

yesterday i didnt write in my journal because i just had so much hw to do.Yesterday i woke up and for once in a longwhile i felt good and not sick at all and as i got dressed and brushed my teeth with not much trouble at all i got read to go to mega.but i was a bit tired so i lied down in bed,and that day i had slept in my parents room because my mother didnt wanna open air condition in both my room and so when it was 8:30 i fell asleep till 8:15 and was late to class.i got there around 9:15,at least i wasnt that late and yesterday during math was ok and my english class was so funnie where this guy in my class was acting gay towards the teacher and we were all laughing our butt of.then after as i was going out to grab somethng to eat i saw lily and elissa and so we traveled to burgerking and brought fries to eta though the line was long after i went back to class and had a good writting class as i normally do -.- after all english i dont like at all. and same goes as math.then so as school was ou i went to burger king and bought 3 large frises that eventuallgot soggy on the bus Q58 to hubs house.when i finally got there i had found that john ad johnathan had gone out to get one oftheir haircut there hair while me and and i had found david siting in jonathans room and nd we had a chat about sea food and when john finally got here with his brother,we both talk things out did it 2 times and hungout and then we ate a hero from franks deli after i had eaten dinner at johns house and got home around 8-9 and then after i had to do homework which i finished at 3 and was tired.

so today i woke up feeling like vomiting and when i was brushing my teeth i acually choke dand wanted to vomit was gonna but i had nothing in me to vomit so it was horrible.mom had driven me to school and i had made it through english and math and after had eating some food and bubble tea with lily elissa and her friend.as we got back i ate buns before class then after we had class and after i had gone to library and till 3 and when i got to dentists office for my check up that cost 60 dollars they said i needed my retaines so i rdoe the train back and after and went back to teh dentist office and got my teet hand retainers checked at that was that and here i am now.nothing much happened.on the way to and fro my ipod had run low i finally started reading"the end" a serise of unfortunate event last book and harry potter starts today =]

Today was a plain day,afterall nothing much to remember with out hub here.woke up and was i walked to the bathroom for once i felt good and well and kinda refreshed by the time i got to the bathroom i had got the toothpaste out and along with the toothbrush as i was brush my teeth,i felt sick.it was the colgate and i had felt sick and rushed straight to the bed to lay down and hope the sickness will drift away as i lay with my eyes closed.a few mins from around 5-10 mins after i got u[p and dressed not making any swift movements as i changed and gotten mad at my mom for not washing my hair i nthe morning i just wetting my front hair and then i dryed it with a blow dryer.then after i was out the door to flushing and it was normal nice weather when i walked out as i got to class i had left my folder of school work and hw at home and i had found i had gotten a 2/20 on my english test while on the rating math i got 55 and english 65.then after at 12 for lunch i had gone and headed out to mcdonald to dine by myself and after i head back to class for english and then i went home.and today is the firsday of converse to school which i got dirty.also as i got hom it was hot and then as i got in the house and had turned on the ac i called the preg center for the phone number to forest hills.when i recieved it i had made a appointment on saturday the 14th and the time is between 7-11 and that they would do my bllod test and urine sample and the sonogram to see how old the baby is.but the doctors wont do abortion on someone that is less then 6 weeks pregnant and also that it will cost $390 dollars.after i had plays come computer,some maplestory and fianlly did my hw after dinner and ate curry and watch cartoons like simpsons and family guy then after i did a bit of home work and talk to hubbie.but around the afternoon david had aimed me to tell me that me and minsoo apperently had called davod at school and we had done prank call suposibly.but i didnt at all normal minso when i called him when i was told someone had done.so and people were certain it was my voice and sure it was minsoo,but thats not possible.so i got mad and called hubbie and talked to him and said i'm sorrie i got mad so easly.i love him and i miss him today.gosh i'll see him tomorrow i cant wait to see him.

Today was a sunday and it was pretty hot so i woke up this morning incredible sweaty and the fan was runing trying to cool me down,i had woken up before at 11 when my alarm had rang but i turned it off and in time to hear my mum say she was going flushing to buy some veggies and i was gonna get up but i went back to sleep and woken up at 12 and when i finally had gotten up on the way to the bathroom,i didnt feel nausous or felt like vomiting.Instead it was worse i had started to hearvoices so to speak,it was this voice that said these creepy things.i dont remember now but i remember it was from these same exact nightmare i had when i was little and it always scaryed me for some reason which i dont think it should at all.but it was like as i walked to the bathroom i heard the voice and everything it said so when i finally made it to the bathroom i stood and i just walked back to my bed it was to much,it was scary and odd.i made it to my bed and layed down whil turning up the fan to 2nd or 3rd level for a few mins i layed there i closed my eyes and just layed there for a good 5 mins and then eventually i got up and brushed my teeth and changed but when i didnt brush my teeth i call hubbie to tell him that i heard voices and it was scary and he said he didnt believe me.i though wow....... it wasnt thats its a believe thing or not but i heard it.i would like him to believe me because i'm not lieing and cant he just believe me for the sake of believeing me cause he knows i wont lie?but he didnt.....its just that i feel sometimes my opinions dont matter in what i believe in after all,it sounds fake even to me....but u know i rather have support from hubbie knowing i can tell him anything and not have him laugh or say i'm lieing or not believe me.i feel so...i dont know so sad that he dont believe me only cause he thinks so but he dosnt believe me cause i said so.if i wanted comforting words someonet o hold me through those times though hub wasnt there would he still have told me he didnt believe me if he was? we didnt even get to talk it out.

Well anyway itold him i had to go and hungup on him and was mad,because he was like that.but i know he was worried,though i get mad at him i still love him.so when i got dressed my mother had gotten home or around the time i was dressing anyway,so i got dressed and i ate some pizza from where my mom had got it from this child(derek) that he babysits and you know she brought back extra pizza thatwhere sheworks the pizza storenext door gives them extra pizza they havnt sold.so yeha igoto eat some pzzaand after i had packed everything for swimming like hat andthe towel andbut i had to take of my clothing to put on my swimming suit then after my clothing when we finally go out he doori had mykeys because my mum said she was going to flushing so i should bring keys.as we walked out the door heading to 82nd street to get on th train whilei was riding i had my ipod on andthere was a probly heading back home because the 7 train was fixing the way toflushing.when we got there,swimming i meani walked though changes and did i mention i had my brand new converses on? well yeah i did anyway and when i quickly changed and got into the pool i realized i was a bit late and my old teacher from the last classof swimming was different from this classes cause it was a brand new semester.i have a lady now and shesreally nice,i was tired a bit and as i swam i got cramps above my hip near my uterius and i thoughti should do as much like power storkes,though i'm preg. istill beat most of the students and was lead in going first.when i got home by myself after swimming and dressing up and drying up,i had riped my cap in the showering area.so i have to buy a new one,also as i went hom i saw a black guy with grinds. werid 0.o anyway and kinda funnie.and when i got home i started trying to do my hw but i got distracted by playing ab it of neopets and doing a bit of feeding and such there.then i call hubbie and talked to him and he was still paniced about how i'm preg and have someone little one in me.hub didnt want to think of the little one as a person,but i also got mad he didnt because the little one is after all.he just whould accept it at all,i had though of giving the littl one a name,i wanted lilith ony to find out later its the daught or count dracula the vampire.i've gone through a couple of names website so far and i havnt found a good one yet.and me and hub choose not to name it after anyone we know now.although i found the name nice and well just nice.though did get mad at him and hung up on him 2 times cause he wont accept the fact the little on is not a cell onyl it is something and someone and though we dont wanna think about it we are going to go through with abortion and well we will be killing the little one but i feel since he was made ifeel he needs a name even if he not hear fully,he'll be here when i think about.not in person but atleast someplace in my heart.i think i convince hubbie to learn the truth and face that the little one is a person no matter how small,hes not a it.and well though after i hung up on him i called him back at the same time i spoke and made myself some spicy ramen and for once i cooked but i had burned on of my knukles though its not a big deal i dont think.anyway well while eating i talked things over and i tryed to find baby names and got irriatated that hub didnt help me because i needed him help after all i'm the mother hes the father we should do this together.i dont want this to be like my parents where my mother when she was preg.she had to do everythign including cooking for my father while she had a belly and my father was useless in everything.so i want me and hub to be togethere on everything.well i ate my ramen and some jello and did some hw watched some tv and thats about it really and seached up some names and ate curry for dinner though i had a stomach ache and had a spicy burning sensation down there where i poo,hub says that it happens when you poo after eatingsomething hot.hes so adorable =] i feel i'm not worrie about me bebing preg cause hubs here for me not like other guys who leave girls when there preg.i love john and i want tto be with him the rest of my life forever and ever and always.i also found my name meaning "christine-follower of christ" and "john-gods mericifal" i love him so much.and si grateful for him to be here with me now.i know he feels guilty and hes learning about my preg and he things i'm about 1-2 weeks preg just we didnt realize at all.and he said that he feeel guilty and apologised many times.i forgive him but wil he forgive himself,i worrie.after i eventually finished my hw and had been meaning to play some ms but i couldnt.i also noticed i couldnt sleep unless it was 4am,its odd.i was also thinking of naming the little one serieandipity but the mean wouldnt fit well.so i might ask hubbie tomorrow.i have school tomorrow and vocabulary test.and i asked hubbie for vitamins so i could take them for my health and i'll see hub friday.though during a talk i got mad again cause i felt he wasnt really helping me like my father and what i'm afraid most is my husband will be like that no good theifing **** of a father.i love john and though i hung up on him i feel,we shoudl wrok things out again.the stress has gotten to me a bit and so for hub.though i miss him and i guess we really are mother and father and in someway husband and wife.i dont regret loving hub and i hope he dosnt for me.i fell bad for hanging up on him but soetimesi feel he wont listen to me or comfort me when i'm mad.sometimes thats just what i need. support and a great amount of his love.

Today i woke up at 10 because of my alarm but u know went back to sleep was a very tired,because i was up all nite reading hubbies journal and remenicing of thje time we had fights and things we did and such.so i ended up sleep at around 2:30 and when i woke up by the alarm i went back to sleep and woke up a few times to chekc on the time but when i finally woke up it was around 12:30 or around that time i was like ''oh shoot have to get up to go to hubs house" and you know while walking to the bathroom i felt werid,i didnt feel good at all.i walked to the bathroom and when i got there and was thinking of brushing my teeth but instead because i felt sick and felt like throwing up like the last time or a few days ago.and i felt so week and so i sat on the ground and waited for myself to feel better then i got up feeling a little better did my normal thing in the bathroom and walked back to my room and layed down cause i felt a bit mroe sick again and got up after 5 mins of laying down and i got dressed after and ate some food and had called hub to meet me instead of going there,we were to meet at QQ when i got to the corner of QQ he wasnt there and when i looked straight ahead there he was.so i walked up to him and the library which reminds me i have to return the books i borrowed from the library and anyway we headed toward the mall but i hadt o sit down,i felt so weak.well by the time we got to the mall hub had told me he had the preg. test and i should take it.but i didnt have much intake of water so we went to the food court and i had gone to kfc and bought those combo bowls with the soda and me and hub had shared it and while hubbie called his brother to find the time for fantastic 4 and the silver surfer.you know we never did go.anyway after eating and drink some bristick tea i had convinced hub i couldnt pee just yet,so we wandered a bit and eventually walked to ybr and since i had ask my mum earlyer before today to buy shoes,she had said i should go buy myself.which i recieved the money earlyer that morning,i was determined and excited to buy converses,so we did we headed to yrb as i said and i was decieding betweenblack and white shose which everyone had or the blue and white ones.but i found out those blue and white one they didnt have the one with high ankles and the one with the low ankles they werent very good looking.i ended up buying the black ones in size 5 and seemed a bit big but looked good.Then after we had gone to the bathroom at the mall which had alot of people so we headed to the food court mall and i tested out the preg.test and had found it to be positive meaning i was.but i had droped it before and well me nad hub was shocked and headed to house to talking things out.hub seemed to mad at himself i was worried about him and though abortion.well we have to and hub has enough money but you know i kidna dont wanna kill this little one after all he's so little.i would feel like a murderer and when we go to hubs house we were boths quiet.and hub and me talked things out he sighed alot and i cryed cause i felt guilty will only be allowed to keep it till this saturday or the next.before i had found a place you could have abortion for cash and where you dont need parental signature and underage were allowed.i find that this place was really nice and supporting.i find it scary you know,this feeling of someone with my all the time in me.i guess it was bound to happen when i was in the bathroom i had guess it was because i noticed i was happy before which means something was bound to happen.so it did,after we decieded to think about something else and so we played pokemone ate at subways and did it again and for the last time.after all that it was almost time to go home and i had drank water a vault and i had enuff to pee,i had peed in a cup and had stuc k the pretg test in there and after a few moments it had come up and said out of certainty i was positive and preg.i dont know for how long but i was.so me and hub talked it over that i should find that place that had abortion and such things.so i'll call them monday since it was closed on sundays and this appointment had to be taken place early in the morning and me and hub had decieded to do so on next saturday go early becasue its take place early only before 12 so i have to be there early.it may take 3-6 hours and i will have my urine taken and my blood take and then after there will be a machine to see how long ago it was made.so me and hub will finally know how long and old the little one is.and hub had promised me and him will get married and have kids then but not now and i believe him.so yes i shall call for an appointment for saturday on monday.hope they have space,besides that its in forest hills i am glad i had savedthe information page.i'm still getting used to the time idea,but it still surprises me so i guess when i get used to it will hit me just like that.but for now i guess i better not think about it i guess.-sigh you know i feel guilty but nothing more we can do cause we cant keep him and i'm glad to have a hubbie like him he didnt ditch me and leave me for dead like many otherstories and people i know and heard that they got preg and where left.but you know hub didnt at this time and this crisis we had,hes a good person and he does care and love me.i love him too,so much.he didnt leave me like many have left other preg girls.hubs gonna stay by my side,but even so i still feel like even if he stays with me though this,he might leave afraid i might cuase him more trouble.even though he said he wont ever leave,its still a fear i have i guess.this abortion there gonna give me shots for change in hormones and remove the egg with poles and such though my down there.but i dont wanna be awake during this so i'll ask for anestetic.i hope its like where u breath in anestetic not a a needle,but hub says it is and will be watching over me.i hope everything goes ok.he said its a needle becuase he had it before when he had gotten his birthmarktaken out and left with a huge scar.so i hope no more needles,just gas anestetic and i'll have after effects of bad cramps and thats it i guess.i hope my pms comes back soon,if not my mother will notice and wonder.i hope everything goes well,during the things and the anestetic and pole thing should in be there from 10-20 mins.and i'll be googlie after so i will rest at hubbies house till i'm better and head home.i guess its all planed out but,i hope things go to plan.but sometimes things dont always goas planed.so i hope i'll be ok.today was such a surprising and scary and speechless day.i dont know how i feel,i'm still shocked.today's happy day ended up like this i guess.this is life i guess,but it should have been pratcically impossible to have made a little one.but i was right when i told hubbie that we cant ever be certain with things like this. and i was right.

Settings of current life and up to dates

Well so far in life i'be never had a journal i can truely write things i think with my own mind i mean after all the security around my house? its like a family jailhouse minus a few things, or not.Now at this age i'm currently 15 and life is a bit of a drama sometimes and my birthday is in november coming up soon of couarse when i'm a junior.Now its the summer of sophmore year =] and now going to Mega acedmy to take SAT prep.

Edit' July6 2007

sorrie about that i had to cut off writting about my journal and do my mega hw and my essayT.T gee and i didnt even get to study for the test at all -.- so anyway my up coming life line lol

School Life

Life was ok back then hmmmm i had a ok amount of friends but u know had people push me around and such like teasing me for being chinese and a 'chino" and how i look and such nonsense which is really annoying hmm then there was the time i think in my kindergarden years hmm i was a happy person who went to P.S 89 and during the following years i've had sorta gotten into a fight with this one chinese boy called patrick punched me in the stomache after he unbuttoned my tie to annoy me and ran circles around i have gotten incredible mad. and well i was tuff person back then to reallie keep people away from know i was a softie and i didnt wanna get hurt and show it wanted to be tuff so i acted it.this boy he punched me in the stomache and i cryed and was in shock and he just smiled so i kicked him and we eventually got in trouble by this lady that was in charge of looking after the students in the court yard that was getting ready to be pickedu p the there teachers.so when my teacher finally came the situation was explained to her but u know she didnt do anything to punish me and sent me the nurse for anything that may have effected me by tthe hit.though i think i believe now that i only cryedof shock and a little bit of pain.

Mmmm i had my first crushthis neirghbor of mineonly basically becuase he was "cool" but i believe foolish now anyway and then because after i have rarely liked any guy at all and if i didnt not for who they werei wasnt attracted to guys besides looks.

Going to jr.high (I.S 73)school was the same taunts in class average scorer in school and iwas a normal 8-12 a pretty low class and umm well though life wasnt going my way in and i hung out with smart people in sp classes the smarts ones and my consider old best friend used to be lily fung we used to hung out and such and u know she dates this boy james lam and he had a twin which i eventually like though i hardly understand whyibelieveit was cause i only liked the idea of havinga bf just like lily.then again during times like those it maybe hard but u know life iwas nice no one knewt he truth of life and hated its very existance.though u know back then during 6th kam this boy that used to like many girls including me acted oddly and such werid ways it was a tease and funny lol.then along the times that many of my friends where sp students after jr.high school and people have gone there seperate ways to different schools infact acually well knoew schools with high reputation meanwhile me i was mad and jelouse and when the summer from 8th grade to freshamn in high school i had go on vacation to malaysia,it was fun we went to clear beaches and swam and also gone to different sorts of lands and such where we had much trouble in our wayst o china,my family had befriended many people on the tour bust and for 2 weeks we were together we were happy though there was many disturbances.like a gay man who had though hewas one enuff to go against the tourers and act as if he had power and we where beneath him.he was such a annoyance.as time went on i still remember to this day when i cryed in the hotel whenwe went on onf of the vacations and i was picked on by my parents and recieve names like stubborn,stupied and in my words was no fair.i was just picked on.the after the summer eventually i kept a bit of a contact with my few left over friend mostly boys like bin and hampton and thats really about it.the prom however when i had a nice dress was pretty and nice and had gone over to my coupel of sp best friendsh ouset o dress up and after we went to the prom to whihc i believe gave a girl a shock and made her cry because she had liked this boy and i had told him she had cry,thouh i understood afterwords i was such a ass for doing so and i feel truely guilty for it but u know to this day i cant face her for what i have done.and during my senior year i've cut classes a couple of time or time to time for entertainment.i still remember the volleyball game my class was in and had won 3rd place and even know i have the medal to show i had been part of that event.

School eventually started again and it was the freshman year of high school and i was determinded to be the best and score high averages which i did a 93% something i find to me to be proud of afterall my no working self had a average of 84%.i studyed living enviroment and tryed my best at that time i had given up on bf and gf and such nonsense and made a bit amount of friends and had a wonder fully teacher ms.plasky for the first half of the year which was the last when she had gave up teaching to becoem a floreist for plant agriculture.well lets see now my classes have my normal classes for honors and mostly was it and became great friends with henry and sarah and alexandra.but u know we were the cream of the crop we had good grades and we were friends now as i know now henry was a betraying no good lier,though i didnt back then and anyso he had gotten me into fights with a friend name moses and at a time.he had also come from the same jr.high school as me and he had told me jonathan had a crush on me over the years now and i had no interest in jonathan lam.so through out it all he had some how or jonathan had said truthfully he liked me but u know even know i'm not so sure after all henry had hinted at jonathan to come over and speak to me. and stand wit me because he liked me but talking to him currently now he had not interest or like in me at all and i am glad thats that.

Now my second year of high school which i s not rasists at all and no teasing which is good to know and my friend though some are bi and liked the same sex i find i have no objection and root for them.now lets see me and henry have stop communicating after a fight with another friend and i have gotten a so called stalker name victor gee to this day i see him as the person who cause the most trouble with the less amount of common sense he has.he had started to like me and wanted to ask me towards the begin of the year to be his gf but u know i wasn ot interested at all and he was very persistance and has told me he "loves" me,i believe he had rushed into thing way to quicky when there was no progess to begin with. and week later i had a bf =] someone i never knew would like me but u know i love him,i might as well start from the begining after all everything starts there =] well during near the end of my freshman year i had met a friend over the computer who was a friend of a friend and had gone to the same tkd i had.and we had met up i had found his name was jongseong and he had brought his friend jeffrey where as we hung out at the mall my so called memory tells me.then after jeffrey had my sn and had aimed me to hangout again to play pool with my old school friend jennifer and on of his friends jonathan chu and since we had gotten to know each other well jeffrey had invited me to hangout again with his friends likfe sam and chankyu.Then there was the time where he introduced me to minsoo and me jeffrey minsoo and fat sam(he was a bit blubber so sam became fat sam lol)had gone to jeffreys house and played gamesand such and where hangout with minsoo led to meeting jonathan tom(monkie so called) and we hung out alot but whats odd is that monkie,jonathan tom had gone to china town and we had fun in the end he had his arm around me and i slept in his arms,odd.and during the summer me and jeffrey have gotten into a fight and minsoo had become very close.I still remember the time i met minsoo when he had scraed me and we hung out and where happy and the time monkie when i first met him it was raining and he had wet pants that smelt like fish watter when he jumpedinto puddles to get the smell of though he didnt and it was contagious and had gone to minsoos shirt collar.also in the end i found out of al the people who were nice to me "jeffrey,minsoo,fat sam,jonathan,monkie" had liked me.anyway near the end the summer was brians birthday party,minsoos best friend.where as minsoo had forced me to go saying "if u dont i wont like u" and i did when i met new people like rebecca,and this girl i dont recall her name at the moment and john ahn where we were become friends.and had lost a fake bet in dealt cards and that for brians party we had all gone to ckarrioke and after foodie at his house and hungout and then after i met this boy john who i though was odd when i tryed to talk to him and he had kinda ignored me a bit.but he poked me on the stair case up.gosh i though he was odd and i liked him lol.he was cute i though and hes the same age and brian had introduced me to him while i was on his tramploine.but at the end of the party i had gotten john ahns and rebecca and the othe rgirls aim and had added them though iwas hyper i didnt know john well enuff so i didnt ask him and he was so silent i didnt know if he disliked me or not.and i was hyper so i had no clue what was going on time when by so fast and then.talking to john ah non aim he gives me johns sn and when he finallys logs on i talked to him.

And in an instant we connected and we talked for more then 5-7 hours a day and had more to say to each other then one day he said "i wish u were my gf" and though this clinched what i though.i really liked him and he had log off raight after while i was doing my global hw,talk about perfect timing.and u know after he told me he loves me and i knew i liked him but i cared for his so much and i also felt i loved him too and i told him so and that i love him for who he is.where this time came along victor the annoying he started asking me and out and such since i told john everythign about my day he got seriously mad and annoyed and began and still to this day hate his guts.the day he victor had asked me out was johns birthdya and he had asked me to his birthday party and i had bought him something that brian helped picked it out for me.and u know john was nice to me and well after 6 days on the 23rd of september we went on our frist date,but we were a called soupl on the 22nd of september=] and victor had became a nusiance after.well..school was ok having a 90% on my average and sarah and alex had a arguement i believe of my fault because alexandra had been disgusted with sarahs pervertedness and well me and hubie.john i gave him a nickname of hub and well as for husband =] and i do love him and i cry when i feel sad of a fight with him.though it was rough at the start where we fought almost every....2-3 day but u know me and hub started talk through dramatic fighting hiting smacking and such we're well on it now after all we have been through alot and now its july and on the 22nd of it it will be 10th month together =] i love him so and there where tights and squeezes where we had to get through but i go through it and troubles are mostly over.we bearly fight anymore and shout but sometimes once on a blue moon we do.

-thats why this journal is here to record everything in my hubs words "look back at when where older and remember our childhood memories"