Today i woke up at 10 because of my alarm but u know went back to sleep was a very tired,because i was up all nite reading hubbies journal and remenicing of thje time we had fights and things we did and such.so i ended up sleep at around 2:30 and when i woke up by the alarm i went back to sleep and woke up a few times to chekc on the time but when i finally woke up it was around 12:30 or around that time i was like ''oh shoot have to get up to go to hubs house" and you know while walking to the bathroom i felt werid,i didnt feel good at all.i walked to the bathroom and when i got there and was thinking of brushing my teeth but instead because i felt sick and felt like throwing up like the last time or a few days ago.and i felt so week and so i sat on the ground and waited for myself to feel better then i got up feeling a little better did my normal thing in the bathroom and walked back to my room and layed down cause i felt a bit mroe sick again and got up after 5 mins of laying down and i got dressed after and ate some food and had called hub to meet me instead of going there,we were to meet at QQ when i got to the corner of QQ he wasnt there and when i looked straight ahead there he was.so i walked up to him and the library which reminds me i have to return the books i borrowed from the library and anyway we headed toward the mall but i hadt o sit down,i felt so weak.well by the time we got to the mall hub had told me he had the preg. test and i should take it.but i didnt have much intake of water so we went to the food court and i had gone to kfc and bought those combo bowls with the soda and me and hub had shared it and while hubbie called his brother to find the time for fantastic 4 and the silver surfer.you know we never did go.anyway after eating and drink some bristick tea i had convinced hub i couldnt pee just yet,so we wandered a bit and eventually walked to ybr and since i had ask my mum earlyer before today to buy shoes,she had said i should go buy myself.which i recieved the money earlyer that morning,i was determined and excited to buy converses,so we did we headed to yrb as i said and i was decieding betweenblack and white shose which everyone had or the blue and white ones.but i found out those blue and white one they didnt have the one with high ankles and the one with the low ankles they werent very good looking.i ended up buying the black ones in size 5 and seemed a bit big but looked good.Then after we had gone to the bathroom at the mall which had alot of people so we headed to the food court mall and i tested out the preg.test and had found it to be positive meaning i was.but i had droped it before and well me nad hub was shocked and headed to house to talking things out.hub seemed to mad at himself i was worried about him and though abortion.well we have to and hub has enough money but you know i kidna dont wanna kill this little one after all he's so little.i would feel like a murderer and when we go to hubs house we were boths quiet.and hub and me talked things out he sighed alot and i cryed cause i felt guilty will only be allowed to keep it till this saturday or the next.before i had found a place you could have abortion for cash and where you dont need parental signature and underage were allowed.i find that this place was really nice and supporting.i find it scary you know,this feeling of someone with my all the time in me.i guess it was bound to happen when i was in the bathroom i had guess it was because i noticed i was happy before which means something was bound to happen.so it did,after we decieded to think about something else and so we played pokemone ate at subways and did it again and for the last time.after all that it was almost time to go home and i had drank water a vault and i had enuff to pee,i had peed in a cup and had stuc k the pretg test in there and after a few moments it had come up and said out of certainty i was positive and preg.i dont know for how long but i was.so me and hub talked it over that i should find that place that had abortion and such things.so i'll call them monday since it was closed on sundays and this appointment had to be taken place early in the morning and me and hub had decieded to do so on next saturday go early becasue its take place early only before 12 so i have to be there early.it may take 3-6 hours and i will have my urine taken and my blood take and then after there will be a machine to see how long ago it was made.so me and hub will finally know how long and old the little one is.and hub had promised me and him will get married and have kids then but not now and i believe him.so yes i shall call for an appointment for saturday on monday.hope they have space,besides that its in forest hills i am glad i had savedthe information page.i'm still getting used to the time idea,but it still surprises me so i guess when i get used to it will hit me just like that.but for now i guess i better not think about it i guess.-sigh you know i feel guilty but nothing more we can do cause we cant keep him and i'm glad to have a hubbie like him he didnt ditch me and leave me for dead like many otherstories and people i know and heard that they got preg and where left.but you know hub didnt at this time and this crisis we had,hes a good person and he does care and love me.i love him too,so much.he didnt leave me like many have left other preg girls.hubs gonna stay by my side,but even so i still feel like even if he stays with me though this,he might leave afraid i might cuase him more trouble.even though he said he wont ever leave,its still a fear i have i guess.this abortion there gonna give me shots for change in hormones and remove the egg with poles and such though my down there.but i dont wanna be awake during this so i'll ask for anestetic.i hope its like where u breath in anestetic not a a needle,but hub says it is and will be watching over me.i hope everything goes ok.he said its a needle becuase he had it before when he had gotten his birthmarktaken out and left with a huge scar.so i hope no more needles,just gas anestetic and i'll have after effects of bad cramps and thats it i guess.i hope my pms comes back soon,if not my mother will notice and wonder.i hope everything goes well,during the things and the anestetic and pole thing should in be there from 10-20 mins.and i'll be googlie after so i will rest at hubbies house till i'm better and head home.i guess its all planed out but,i hope things go to plan.but sometimes things dont always goas planed.so i hope i'll be ok.today was such a surprising and scary and speechless day.i dont know how i feel,i'm still shocked.today's happy day ended up like this i guess.this is life i guess,but it should have been pratcically impossible to have made a little one.but i was right when i told hubbie that we cant ever be certain with things like this. and i was right.