Today was a sunday and it was pretty hot so i woke up this morning incredible sweaty and the fan was runing trying to cool me down,i had woken up before at 11 when my alarm had rang but i turned it off and in time to hear my mum say she was going flushing to buy some veggies and i was gonna get up but i went back to sleep and woken up at 12 and when i finally had gotten up on the way to the bathroom,i didnt feel nausous or felt like vomiting.Instead it was worse i had started to hearvoices so to speak,it was this voice that said these creepy things.i dont remember now but i remember it was from these same exact nightmare i had when i was little and it always scaryed me for some reason which i dont think it should at all.but it was like as i walked to the bathroom i heard the voice and everything it said so when i finally made it to the bathroom i stood and i just walked back to my bed it was to much,it was scary and odd.i made it to my bed and layed down whil turning up the fan to 2nd or 3rd level for a few mins i layed there i closed my eyes and just layed there for a good 5 mins and then eventually i got up and brushed my teeth and changed but when i didnt brush my teeth i call hubbie to tell him that i heard voices and it was scary and he said he didnt believe me.i though wow....... it wasnt thats its a believe thing or not but i heard it.i would like him to believe me because i'm not lieing and cant he just believe me for the sake of believeing me cause he knows i wont lie?but he didnt.....its just that i feel sometimes my opinions dont matter in what i believe in after all,it sounds fake even to me....but u know i rather have support from hubbie knowing i can tell him anything and not have him laugh or say i'm lieing or not believe me.i feel so...i dont know so sad that he dont believe me only cause he thinks so but he dosnt believe me cause i said so.if i wanted comforting words someonet o hold me through those times though hub wasnt there would he still have told me he didnt believe me if he was? we didnt even get to talk it out.

Well anyway itold him i had to go and hungup on him and was mad,because he was like that.but i know he was worried,though i get mad at him i still love him.so when i got dressed my mother had gotten home or around the time i was dressing anyway,so i got dressed and i ate some pizza from where my mom had got it from this child(derek) that he babysits and you know she brought back extra pizza thatwhere sheworks the pizza storenext door gives them extra pizza they havnt sold.so yeha igoto eat some pzzaand after i had packed everything for swimming like hat andthe towel andbut i had to take of my clothing to put on my swimming suit then after my clothing when we finally go out he doori had mykeys because my mum said she was going to flushing so i should bring keys.as we walked out the door heading to 82nd street to get on th train whilei was riding i had my ipod on andthere was a probly heading back home because the 7 train was fixing the way toflushing.when we got there,swimming i meani walked though changes and did i mention i had my brand new converses on? well yeah i did anyway and when i quickly changed and got into the pool i realized i was a bit late and my old teacher from the last classof swimming was different from this classes cause it was a brand new semester.i have a lady now and shesreally nice,i was tired a bit and as i swam i got cramps above my hip near my uterius and i thoughti should do as much like power storkes,though i'm preg. istill beat most of the students and was lead in going first.when i got home by myself after swimming and dressing up and drying up,i had riped my cap in the showering area.so i have to buy a new one,also as i went hom i saw a black guy with grinds. werid 0.o anyway and kinda funnie.and when i got home i started trying to do my hw but i got distracted by playing ab it of neopets and doing a bit of feeding and such there.then i call hubbie and talked to him and he was still paniced about how i'm preg and have someone little one in me.hub didnt want to think of the little one as a person,but i also got mad he didnt because the little one is after all.he just whould accept it at all,i had though of giving the littl one a name,i wanted lilith ony to find out later its the daught or count dracula the vampire.i've gone through a couple of names website so far and i havnt found a good one yet.and me and hub choose not to name it after anyone we know now.although i found the name nice and well just nice.though did get mad at him and hung up on him 2 times cause he wont accept the fact the little on is not a cell onyl it is something and someone and though we dont wanna think about it we are going to go through with abortion and well we will be killing the little one but i feel since he was made ifeel he needs a name even if he not hear fully,he'll be here when i think about.not in person but atleast someplace in my heart.i think i convince hubbie to learn the truth and face that the little one is a person no matter how small,hes not a it.and well though after i hung up on him i called him back at the same time i spoke and made myself some spicy ramen and for once i cooked but i had burned on of my knukles though its not a big deal i dont think.anyway well while eating i talked things over and i tryed to find baby names and got irriatated that hub didnt help me because i needed him help after all i'm the mother hes the father we should do this together.i dont want this to be like my parents where my mother when she was preg.she had to do everythign including cooking for my father while she had a belly and my father was useless in everything.so i want me and hub to be togethere on everything.well i ate my ramen and some jello and did some hw watched some tv and thats about it really and seached up some names and ate curry for dinner though i had a stomach ache and had a spicy burning sensation down there where i poo,hub says that it happens when you poo after eatingsomething hot.hes so adorable =] i feel i'm not worrie about me bebing preg cause hubs here for me not like other guys who leave girls when there preg.i love john and i want tto be with him the rest of my life forever and ever and always.i also found my name meaning "christine-follower of christ" and "john-gods mericifal" i love him so much.and si grateful for him to be here with me now.i know he feels guilty and hes learning about my preg and he things i'm about 1-2 weeks preg just we didnt realize at all.and he said that he feeel guilty and apologised many times.i forgive him but wil he forgive himself,i worrie.after i eventually finished my hw and had been meaning to play some ms but i couldnt.i also noticed i couldnt sleep unless it was 4am,its odd.i was also thinking of naming the little one serieandipity but the mean wouldnt fit well.so i might ask hubbie tomorrow.i have school tomorrow and vocabulary test.and i asked hubbie for vitamins so i could take them for my health and i'll see hub friday.though during a talk i got mad again cause i felt he wasnt really helping me like my father and what i'm afraid most is my husband will be like that no good theifing **** of a father.i love john and though i hung up on him i feel,we shoudl wrok things out again.the stress has gotten to me a bit and so for hub.though i miss him and i guess we really are mother and father and in someway husband and wife.i dont regret loving hub and i hope he dosnt for me.i fell bad for hanging up on him but soetimesi feel he wont listen to me or comfort me when i'm mad.sometimes thats just what i need. support and a great amount of his love.