Well, what's done is done. My parents really... I- I can't explain. I can't tell if they hate me now, or are just so disappointed that I'm now a burden. Which is the last thing I want to be.

My mom came home from work again today to talk to me. Basically imagine an hour and a half of no progress on either side. What it came down to is that I don't have to play, but there will be "some changes around here."

Apparently, the whole ordeal was that I was refusing to do my father a favor. How can you ask someone to do something they hate most in the world for 3 months though? The best thing they could've done was leave me alone on that. Not only that, but I'm in my room too much, and I don't go out enough. So I'm not a very social person, but according to my mom it's not "normal." So now I'm an abnormal, disappointing son.

My parents have done alot for me, no doubts about it. But even when you're willing to give everything back, it still matters none to them. I'm still a disappointing son. Like I've done something so god damn bad. My mom even tried to give me the whole "put yourself in my shoes" deal. And I told her, "If my son didn't want to play a sport because he hated it so much. I wouldn't have anything against his decision." Even putting myself in my fathers shoes who took a hockey team for no real reason. I wouldn't have took it in the first place.

I played all of last year for them, but apparently that was different. I had my mom crying to me saying "you promised," so I did. Then even after I said, "After high school is done, I'm not going back in the spring." My dad came to me and said, "If you could do me this one favor and come back, we could have a little fun, finish out the season and ride off in the sunset together." At first I was hesitant, but I said, "Yeah dad, I can do it."

But it's all different now. My dad screwed himself in an unnecessary way, and I don't see why I should be involved. I "rode off" with him at the end of last season, but somewhere along that road he dropped me off and turned back. Not only that, I'm the only damn person that remembers what happened when I said I was done. How they attacked me, how to freaked out on me, how they attacked my friends. That still hurts, and hurts even worse now. I never even got an apology for that... and even after reminding them I still didn't. I just got, "Well things must've came out wrong." Oh thanks... Well f*** you! Ooops that must've come out wrong too...

I don't think I'm a bad kid... or a bad son. I'm not part of the 90% of my school that either drinks, does drugs, smokes or does them all. When I'm told to do something, I do it. I have exceptional marks and even got a 97 on my regents (for those who don't live in NY, it's a state test.) I don't even ask for anything. I can't remember the last time I did. Wait no, 6th grade when I wanted to join ski-club... and a few months ago when I asked for acceptance in my decision to quit hockey. Everything is paid back. If I see something in a store and I don't have money, I'll ask my parents for a loan. Not to get it for me, but to just loan me the money, and it gets paid back right when we get home.

Everything they've given to me has been offered. I didn't ask for digital cable, they offered it. I didn't ask for an air conditioner, they offered it. I even offered to pay for those things. Everything in my room besides my TV, dresser, desk and bed are things I I bought. The TV is the only thing I got from them, the rest was from my grandmother. And my mom even threatened to take the things I bought, with my money, that I worked for away.

So what do I ask for that's so big? I told them not to send me to ski-club this year, because if that was a burden, I didn't want it carried. So if I want to go this year, I'm going to have to get a job, save up to go, then before that, save up for a board. They said they were giving me a car, and I told them not to. I mean yeah, they gave my sister one, and dealt with everything with her, but it really doesn't hurt me.

This blog post is done... I'm sick of it...

-Rabidus