Another update? NO WAI! :lol:
All joking aside, I'm back. Ok, I've really been back for about a week and a half, but why sweat the small details? ;)
Heading back down to Florida was a lot of fun. It was my third time at Disney World (and second at Universal, but it was my first time at Islands of Adventure and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter :)), and all of the magic from my childhood was still intact. :D Unfortunately, it was a mixed bag. :|
For starters, we had an extra member accompany us: my aunt. My dad thought that it would be nice to invite her on our trip so that she wouldn't be cooped up in her apartment for the entire duration of the summer. Ok, I had no qualms with that. But here's the deal: as dysfunctional as my family is, a four-person trip is hard enough to pull off. Adding a fifth member makes it worse. You may remember my recount of my vacation in Tennessee a few years ago. Now imagine that, but even more tedious. Yes, it was that bad. For one, she's just recovering from back surgery, so that severely limits the amount of attractions she can get on. My dad and I had to recoordinate our plans to ensure that she wasn't just waiting in the shade the entire time. Fair enough; that was to be expected. However, it doesn't help that she was starting to get testy by about the fourth day. By the time we were at Universal (which has a boatload of 4-D rides that would not be good for a 50-something woman with back problems), it had escalated into full-out armaggedon.
Dramatization
My mother: "We're not getting on Shrek 4-D. You didn't like it."
My aunt: "I can speak for myself."
(squabble time!)
My inner voice: "I am this close to going ballistic. You specifically told us that you weren't too enthusiastic about the ride because the part where Shrek and Donkey were riding on horseback was too jerky for your back. What are you, a [insert word here] hypocrite? My dad didn't have to bust his [insert word here] to bring you along. He was doing you a favor, so stop being [insert word here] ungrateful. Ugh..."
She was also stupidly ecstatic, like a kid at Christmas. Yes, it's Disney, but do you have to take pictures of insignificant minutia like a billboard?
Dramatization
My aunt: "I'm going to take a picture of the sign showing The Tower of Terror."
Me: "Ok." [:roll:]
MIV: "Why the [insert word here] are you taking a picture of a [insert word here] cardboard cutout?! We're going to see the real thing in a matter of days. Days! Seriously! The [insert word here] is wrong with you? Don't waste your film on that. Take a picture of the actual tower."
(In case you haven't noticed, the voice in my head is an unrepentant, foul-mouthed jerk.)
On top of that, my brother (who's usually the most level-headed person of our group behind my dad) had a nuclear meltdown the first day we were there. It was at the Magic Kingdom. He wanted to go see Mickey's Phillar Magic, which for all it's worth is a very entertaining show, but the amount of time it would have took would have overlapped with the SpectroMagic Parade. Keep in mind that this was the first time my aunt's been to Disney World and that crowds swarm toward events with the magnitude of a hive of bees. My dad and I tried to explain it to him, but it just didn't register with him. We were coming back the very next day. He would have had another chance to see it. SpectroMagic? Er... not so much.
And on top of that, my mother was just as irritable as usual. When I, the person who holds the distinction of being the moody, solemn brooder by the end of the trip, is the only one who didn't go [insert word here] crazy, you know that something's rotten in the state of Denmark. (Ha ha! Hamlet reference! Aren't I smart? :D)
Finally, on top of that, we picked the absolute worst time to travel down to Florida. It seems that the entire country of Brazil was on vacation that week. Granted, Disney is big with foreign tourists. We're talking about XBOX HUEG. (Meme! lolololololololol :lol: ) But it was a horrible misfortune for everyone involved. No, I'm not just talking about my family. I'm referring to every other family that was at the parks that week.
To give them credit, it wasn't all of them. To be fair, most of them behaved like you'd expect any tourist to. No, all of my displeasure stems from one group whose name shall be forever etched into my brain:
SEVAGTUR. :|
The name of the beast. :shock:
When we were first introduced to them (Day 1: Magic Kingdom), they were clapping up a storm. At first, I thought that it was some kind of way for them to regroup if separated (their English seemed to be rudimentary, and I don't blame them; English is the most screwed language ever devised. Ever.), but this belief was quickly thrown into the furnance when they engaged into no less than ten chants in rapid succession. By the time we were at MGM, waiting in line for the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith (awesome ride, BTW for all who haven't experienced it; you get shot from 0 to 60 in the span of about three seconds at the beginning while serenaded by one of five or six songs), I was at wit's end. :evil: It's a good thing that I exercise control because the voice in my head was dying to start a "You suck! STFU!" chant. I am not joking. If anything happened, they'd immediately start clapping and break out into song. Heavens to Murgatroid, were they a nuisance! (Ha ha! This time, it's a Snagglepuss reference! 8) )
And that leads to another problem. They were like a swarm of friggin' locusts. Loud locusts in my ears. They crammed every attraction they were at. Only a select few understood the crucial importance of Fast Passes. The ones who were too dumb to comprehend this ended up hurdling together in large crowds that doubled the waiting time for any line. And let's not even get started on The Tower of Terror. My dad, my bro, and I had the rotten luck of being grouped with eight of them. Before you get to the drop, the ride fakes you out a few times so that it can move to the right spot. The ride had barely started to move and they were all screaming at the top of their lungs. I think that I temporarily went deaf. My dad aptly christened them as "human vuvuzelas" (FYI, vuvuzelas are those loud, bee-sounding horns that were recently banned from the World Cup).
And to put the cherries on top, they could not follow the rules. At all. At MGM, we went to see Captain EO (an old short film from the 80s starring the late Michael Jackson, who stars as the titular Captain of a ragtag group that travels to some Borg-ish planet and uses jiggy power to free its queen and subjects from their curse... or something like that; it's just as cheesy as it sounds). The guides specifically told them to move down to the end on the row so that all of the spaces are filled. What do they do? Promptly plop down in the middle of the frakkin' row and refuse to heed the directions. It happened again at Muppets 3D. I would have gladly lined them all up in a straight line, sprinted at full speed, and introduced each and every one of them to my good friend, the fist.
[insert word here].
All foreign problems aside, returning to Orlando struck a sour note with me. While Disney (and Universal) was just as fun and alluring as they were the first time I experienced it so many years ago, I'm not a kid anymore. It didn't help that Finding Nemo the Musical was as metaphorical for my coming-of-age storyas Toy Story 3 was. (The songs are stuck in my head. "Big Blue World", indeed.) Heck, I'll be at college in less than a month's time. The next time I'll be at Disney, I'll probably have kids of my own... :oops: When you become an adult, you're supposed to put away childish things. Part of me doesn't want to... :(
But hey, that's part of growing up. No one ever said it would be easy. :o
Anyway, that's pretty much it. Thanks for reading through a blog filled with rage, vulgarity, and insecurities. MORE AT ELEVEN! :)
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