While I'll forever stand by my thought that the PS3 and Vita are arguably the best console and handheld, they've also had their share of goof-ups that no one's forgetting anytime soon. Announcing a $600 price tag with a smile on their faces? E3 announcements that felt more like stand up comedies than actual videogame news? Announcing the PSP Go, the handheld that a total of 12 people bought? The infamous hack that left PSN down for months, and had people worried about their credit history? (which I didn't give a f***, honestly...I mean, hell. Go ahead and take the $40 I have left in my account :|) Could it be the once be all, end all machine had features taken out that left loyal fans feeling sour?

No, the one thing that made me fall off my chair laughing was the announcement of Playstation Move. For the record, I'm not offended by blatant rip-offs, okay? I find it kind of flattering, not to mention that it had potential to give me what I'll be missing out not owning a Wii. Okay, seeing the Move for the first time reminds me of a moment where I'm standing in line, checking out the long, slender legs of the person in front of me, eyes completely glued to that nice plump ass...then when the creature turns around, you see the five o' clock shadow, Adam's apple, and heavy muscle tone...yeah, I was basically having impure fantasies about a dude wearing tight jeans :|. Just the thought that Move actually reminded me of a memory I've spent weeks drinking heavily to forget, then suddenly remember in a split second is why I hate it for life :|. So, you got the Wii controller, spray paint it black, add some Playstation buttons to it, then go to a Circus, kick a clown's ass and steal his nose as a victory trophy, and stick it on top of this thing. So yeah...even if someone had an interest in Playstation motion control, people who fear clowns now have two things to hate (and when it starts glowing different colors, they'll start thinking about satanic clowns that'll break down your door, engulf you in cotton candy, board you on their ship and stick straws in it to drink your life essence.).

Off the record, maybe there was a point that I wanted to try it out for myself. I mean, somehow, despite my bias for this thing, I had a secret crush on it (the Move controller mind you, not the guy standing in line :oops:.). So, after seeing a gorgeous blonde play some tennis on the display, I'm f***in' sold! I may even wear a bra stuffed with paper so I can have the same physics as well. So, I'm mere seconds away from picking it up and paying for it, until I see that it requires the PS Eye to function. At this point, I'm dumbfounded. I mean, the Move bundle isn't exactly cheap, and now I'm expected to buy even more crap for this thing? Much less another gimmick I hated from Sony since the PS2 days? You're telling me I need a webcam just to play what the Wii pulls off effortlessly? :lol: Granted, the Wii needed a sensor bar for it to actually work, which makes sense...needing a freaking mockery of technology doesn't.

Some are free to debunk my bias for it by stating that the PS Eye allows the Move to function better than the Wii controller, which is true. I'm still going to pull down my pants and take pictures of my ass with it, though. Worse, Sony hasn't even attempted to appeal to people like me with the thing. Let's assume that the Sharpshooter attachment would slightly pique my interest...I love the Reisistance series as well, and I'd be stoked to play it differently. Well, my friends, that is a moment that I never want to see posted on Youtube, because I tend to get carried away. If you ever saw me play at the arcades, you will agree with me on this one...sometimes I tend to get sucked into the game, and by that point I lose all sense of reality. See, I don't want to die in the virtual world, for fear that my body cannot live without the mind. So I take drastic measures. Sometimes I'll surrender and beg for my life in a crowded room of people staring at me like I'm on drugs. Sometimes I'll grab the poor soul next to me and use him as a human shield. At its worst, I'll be playing a driving game, and when I see I won't make the turn, I'll do a Chow Yun Fat dive right out of the seat. Some people see the Game Over screen as more quarters to pop in...I see it as pleading for a second chance with the Grim Reaper.

So, my Rambo fan fiction is out of the question...that, and I'm not the steriod type either. According to my ex-girlfriends, my balls are small enough as it is :?. So, let's talk about games that you just cannot possibly experience without a Move bundle! *crickets* Let's see, there's archery, sword swinging, and Harry Potter spell casting. Games I already play at a urinal. Get me drunk enough, and I'll do the Zorro, I'm not kidding. I've got the black eyes to prove that I've done it on people's shirts as well :cool:. I won't lie that waving a magical wand that shoots out fireballs is kind of cool, but I've already done that as well...I mean, having an STD will cause your wand to spit fire as well, but at least that gave me proud memories of earning this magnificent power. Let's also not forget that there's almost no support for this thing. It's like someone at Sony came to work stoned, mistook the janitor's closet for the fridge, and tried to build a sandwich out of tools. Worse, he also made a blueprint out of it, and the executives saw this picture of a 3 foot sandwich, and decided to build a motion controller out of it. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I've gotten stoned and eaten my share of buttons that I thought were M&M's a lot of times.

Seriously though, you can't just make something, then pretend you didn't. Reminds me of when my dog poops on the floor, then gives me that innocent look. I'm drunk as well, mind you, so it's f***ing with my mind, and I'm starting to wonder if I was the one who did it. No, even craptacular ideas have some sort of following to it. I mean, you put games on an iPhone, and people will start to think they're gamers. If Apple can pull it off, then hell. I don't see how hard it is for Sony to do it. Then again, it's a well-known fact that Sony sucks at advertising. Kinect sold millions, and there isn't a damn thing worth boasting about for it. Microsoft's first ad for Kinect, and I kid you not, was a poster of Bill Gates in Uncle Sam's clothes, pointing a stern finger with the title, "I Want YOU...To Be The Controller." And I'm like, "hey, you can press my buttons anytime, sweetie :oops:." But to make Kinect appear just a little bit more manly, they chose to chuck $500 million away. Oh, and Oprah...see, she's basically the mafia of daytime television, so nobody says no to Oprah :|. I'll give Sony some respect on the fact that they refuse to become sellouts just to sell a product, but come on, man! Even Nirvana had a cult following.

Okay, to be a little more serious this time, Sony was always known for the console manufacterer to take risks. I mean, they weren't always original, but they did innovate a hell of a lot of things. I mean, a lot of the games I play today were either titles that were on old Playstation systems, or by developers who made games for it. Who made us throw our DVD players out the window when the PS2 launched? Who had the cheapest Blu-Ray player at the time? Who could take worn out concepts on tired genres and make them feel fresh again? Yeah...and now they're known for having the worst gimmicks that nobody wanted. I mean, it's understandable that hipsters like me won't touch it, but when it's known as a total failure, well...that's pretty embarassing.