First, check out my new review: American McGee's Alice.
The mighty Bloodninja. Don't get caught cybering with this dude. You'll be the victim in his evil game. Actually, don't be caught cybering because that's just gross. Guys, it's always a dude or a really, really ugly chick. You'll notice, they're always 115lbs and blue eyed blondes. C'mon, you guys are smarter than that! So, here's the man, Bloodninja, saving the day with outrageous cybering methods. WARNING: Contains somewhat sorta dirty stuff so don't sue me. I warned ya. It's been censored. Also, these are real. Lol, losers.
Bloodninja : Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli13 : thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
Bloodninja : A Rhinocerus. Well, **** like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli13 : haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli13 : i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
Bloodninja : I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli13 : haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli13 : i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
Bloodninja : Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli13 : No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
Bloodninja : Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ****ing charge your ***.
j_gurli13 : stop, cmon be serious.
Bloodninja : It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ***.
Bloodninja : I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli13 : thats it.
Bloodninja : Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
Bloodninja : **** am I **** now.
Bloodninja : Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14 : Aight.
Bloodninja : Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14 : I slip out of my pants, just for you, Bloodninja.
Bloodninja : Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14 : Oh, I like to play dress up.
Bloodninja : Me too baby.
BritneySpears14 : I kiss you softly on your chest.
Bloodninja : I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14 : Hey...
Bloodninja : I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 P*n*s of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14 : Funny I still don't see it.
Bloodninja : I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14 : You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
Bloodninja : Don't **** with me bizni**h, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
Bloodninja : I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14 : Don't ever message me again you piece.
Bloodninja : Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
Bloodninja : King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
Bloodninja : You still there baby? I think it's getting **** now.
Bloodninja : Baby?
Bloodninja : Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa : Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja : What like gardening an ****?
MommyMelissa : Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja : Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja : You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa : is that it?
Bloodninja : You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja : Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa : I was thinking of like, sexual acts involving vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja : I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja : I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa : Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja : my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja : Damn baby your right, this **** is HOT.
MommyMelissa : ...
Bloodninja : My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa : What the **** is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja : Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. *****.
MommyMelissa : whatever.
Bloodninja : Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate : K, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate : Who are you?
Bloodninja : I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja : And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate : You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja : Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate : Haha! OK
DirtyKate : Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja : Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate : I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja : Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate : Umm...Yes
DirtyKate : So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja : Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
(pause)
DirtyKate :I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja : You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja : I'm on my way now though
(pause)
DirtyKate : So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja : How did you know?
Bloodninja : I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja : Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate : ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja : So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate : Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja : I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I ******* the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I **** my **** in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate : What the ****?
DirtyKate : You perverted piece of ****
Man, the best one I can't put because it's too long. It's actually the best one because it involves the FBI and battleships. Oh, well. Another time?
~Dinghy