I want to ask you a favour - if I got your mum to hold up any colour, would you recognise it?

Thereis NOT ONE spelling error in that above scetence (or a point). Why? Because, before you ask, I am from New Zealand. The place that apparently has hobbits?
NO. We don't have hobbits.

And we don't have so many sheep either. Americans - about 37-40%, I think it was, live in cities. The rest are farmers, or orchadists, or chicken hustlers. Only 14% of New Zealanders live in rural areas, and most popular rural occupations are NOT sheep, but cattle and orchads (mainly apples). Our apples also happen to be cheaper and better quality than Aussies, which is why they won'tlet them in despite the 'fair, unbarredtrade' act, apparently risking getting 'sandflies'. (Oh no! Not the deadly sandflies! Why can't we stick to docile crocodiles,the quite chumley venomous snakes,and a number of poisonous spiders... ONE OF WHICH WE ALREADY SENT INTO NEW ZEALAND?)
Sheep are from ages ago. AGES. Don't assume the record still stands. It's like... going... to America and meeting someone and saying... erm... "Wow! An American! So, have you ever met Christopher Columbus?" Do you have any idea how LONG ago that was? Yeah, I think we're on the same page... paragraph... whatever.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not angry... vaguely.

Oh yes. We use British English, not American English, or as I say, the 'Americanese', which happen to be responsible for the hole n the ozone layer, HOVERING RIGHT OVER MY REGION IN NZ. But I can't complain, because it's always sunny there, usually anyway. Everywhere else can be drippy even in high summer. So I guess that means Hawke's Bay (my region) is the only place which smells permanently dusty. Um... and not... soggy.

We have paua, which is found nowhere else in the world. It has beautiful markings and the shell is used for jewelery. Despite it's great beuty, although it has good value, its not in the legue of like, actual gems or anything. Just better than glass, really. It's a shellfish, but personally I've never eaten it. I don't even know if we (kiwis - slang for those of NZ - New Zealand) ever do. I know mussles make my brain taste funny. I mean, well, you know.

Oh, and don't get us mixed up with Australia. WE DO NOT HAVE THOSE ACCENTS. WE DO NOT SAY 'SHEILA' (we may say 'mate' but not with the nasal drawl). Of course, many Australians do not necessarily say 'sheila' either (but don't try to deny the accent :)) That, and don't say... I mean... let me explain.

The PS2 game Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando is sold in New Zealand (and other countries)under the name Locked and Loaded. Why? In New Zealand, if you say you are going commando, it means you aren't wearing any underwear under your clothes. So, best not to, you know... advertise that.

This is probably my longest blog yet, but maybe that's because I can talk about me without actually talking about MYSELF (which I hate). Yeah, I don't like talking about myself to anyone, even my family. A lot of NZers don't (foreigners say that, especially compared to other countries, we are very friendly and modest). But that doesn't mean I won't rave on about Atearoa, The Land of the Long White Cloud. (Atearoa, BTW, is the Moari's namefor New Zealand and means 'The Land of Cloud whatever' that I just said.)

And I am OUT!!... of the 2nd story window.
*AAAAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhh.....*